Reconstruction
by Trelaina123
Summary: In the month following the Comet Empire war, Mark Venture recovers in Central Hospital, coming to terms with the events of the war, the loss of Trelaina, and the possibility of loving again.
1. Chapter 1

**Reconstruction**

**A **_**Star Blazers**_** story**

**By Trelaina123**

_This is the story of Mark Venture's month in Central Hospital after the Comet Empire war, telling of his recoveries, both physical and emotional, and his journey toward loving again._

_STAR BLAZERS, SPACE BATTLESHIP YAMATO,_ and all related names and elements are copyright by Voyager Entertainment and Leiji Matsumoto. _Star Blazers _is a registered trademark of Jupiter Films, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

**Chapter 1**

Carina watched the final week of the war unfold from her vantage point at Central Hospital. When word of the impending battle between Earth Defense and the Comet Empire reached New Tokyo, the people panicked. War-weary citizens moved to return to the underground cities. Later, when the president's Information Officer announced the White Comet's defeat of the Earth Defense Forces at Saturn, many rushed to the spaceports to leave Earth entirely. Thousands called for the resignation of the president and the prime minster. The result of the panic was an increased number of heart attacks, panic attacks, and injuries caused by the crowds. Dozens of people were trampled to death as the mobs pushed to leave the city, and hundreds more were admitted to the hospital. Since much of the hospital staff was as eager as other civilians to escape to safety, any and all Earth Defense workers who had medical training were pulled in for lengthy and exhausting shifts to cover for those who fled.

It had been a difficult week for the medical crew who had remained in the city. Carina's usual 8-16 hours of nursing shift time had ballooned to more than 80 hours already this week, and the occasional breaks she had from treating the sick and injured usually found her in the hospital's chapel, praying for a resolution to the conflict and for the strength to carry on. More than once she had awakened in a pew, her forehead resting on the back of the next bench, her dark red bangs flattened to her forehead. She could only imagine what sort of impression that made on the visitors who frequented the chapel, but she was beyond worrying about her appearance. The staff rotated so that everyone was allowed a few hours' sleep and a shower every day, but messy ponytails and wrinkled uniforms had replaced the hospital's usual high grooming standards as the norm. Carina didn't mind, except that, when wrinkled, the already too-short nurses' uniforms rode up even higher and barely covered the nurses' underwear. She cursed the man – they all knew it was a man – who had decided that seeing the nurses' legs was vital to the patients' recovery process. Most of the girls found it humiliating, especially when dealing with hotshot young soldiers.

She pulled her skirt over her hips with a sigh as she paused for a moment and reflected on the hopelessness of the Earth's situation. The terror had increased when the White Comet fired on the moon, leaving it a fiery ball of burning rubble. Today, when the Comet had landed in the Eastern Sea in anticipation of the defense council's surrender, plans had formed to transport patients to the safety of the hospital in the underground city, which was kept accessible and fully stocked.

But the surrender party's ship had suddenly turned around when the Argo and its Black Tiger squadron had appeared, and there had been an elated reprieve from the horror. The Comet had withdrawn from the water and returned to space, and the staff could see the explosions from the battle through the hospital's windows. There had been a final, enormous explosion, and they had dared to hope that the Star Force had defeated the Comet Empire.

That hope had been short-lived, however. A tremendous surge of energy had shot from the sky, striking an uninhabited area in the mountains on Great Island. A second had quickly followed, destroying a small island in the Eastern Sea, and more and more, each striking closer to the heavily populated area of New Tokyo. The city had finally been hit, causing even greater turmoil. The downtown area went up in flames so hot that the air itself seemed to have turned scarlet. Carina could see through the haze that Earth Defense Headquarters had suffered structural damage. The hospital hadn't, not yet, but the staff, dazed and feeling as though they were walking through a bad dream, rushed to transfer patients underground as quickly as possible.

The first of the Argo's medical transport ships arrived shortly after the deluge began. Forced to push aside her fear and exhaustion, Carina joined the team that ventured to the scorched landing pad to meet it. Its occupants were wounded, some too badly to function, some mildly enough to look after the less fortunate crew members. They brought with them news of the loss of the Argo, but also of their determination to fight on, even if it meant finding a new planet to live on. Carina's heart sank as she directed the gurneys through the waves of heat. The Argo had been Earth's last hope, and while its loss meant that the Earth Defense Forces were defeated entirely, she doubted that the leader of the Comet Empire would treat the earthlings with leniency, since they had reneged on their promise to surrender. Even if they could find a new place to live, it would be nearly impossible to evacuate the planet.

She shook her head and moved on to meet the next ship, noticing that the energy pulses seemed to have abated for the moment. As she looked up at the ship approaching the landing pad, she saw a bright flash in the sky. It grew in size and intensity for the better part of a minute, then began to shrink again. The hospital crew looked at each other, their faces haggard, not knowing what had just happened but fearing the worst. If the Argo had exploded, Earth was doomed. The hatch of the medical transport ship opened, and Carina gasped when she saw a familiar face. "Stephen!" she cried, rushing forward to greet her friend and mentor. "Are you all right? What's happened to you?"

Stephen Sandor smiled weakly at his friend. "Carina. It's good to see you. I'm fine – my bionic limbs will have to be replaced, that's all. Take care of these other men first."

She suspected his injuries were more severe than he let on, but moved to help the soldiers who could climb out of the ship of their own volition get to the transporters that would take them into the hospital, and asked over her shoulder, "Do you know what that flash in the sky was?"

"No, I don't, but I understand that Derek Wildstar stayed behind on the Argo to try and defeat the Comet. I hope –"

"Carina." It was Doctor Sane. "Help me with these men. Was Nova on the other ship?" When she answered him in the negative, the tiny man shook his head sadly. The news he brought was grim: 18 wounded; 18 survivors. The doctor himself, along with Nova and Captain Wildstar if they had survived, brought the total to 21 who remained from the entire crew, including the space marines who had joined the Star Force partway through its mission.

The wounded were rushed through triage and the senior medical staff began to treat those most in need while the junior staff gave basic first aid to those whose wounds were less severe. There were no more explosions, but the uncertainty of the situation had everyone on edge, so that the doctors, nurses and aides began snapping at each other. Carina, exhausted and emotional, was glad when Dr. Sane ordered her to give Ensign Homer Glitchman a full body scan and then prep him for surgery. It was a relief to get away from the chaos before someone said the wrong thing and made her cry in front of her superiors, something she had promised herself she would never do.

Glitchman was semi-conscious, but his scan revealed a fairly severe head injury and some internal bleeding. Carina sent his images to the operating room and wheeled the gurney through the disinfecting chamber, where his gold and black Living Group uniform was removed and his skin sanitized, and into the O.R. where Dr. Sane was waiting. The doctor focused intently on his work, moving quickly and efficiently, not making any sort of conversation while he stopped the patient's bleeding and closed his wounds. Carina guessed that he was trying not to think about what might have happened after the medical transport ships left the Argo, and didn't ask him any questions, despite the fact that she was burning with curiosity.

The rumors began trickling in slowly: the Argo had been spotted; the Argo was returning to Earth; Derek Wildstar and Nova Forrester had returned, and had brought Commander Venture with them, alive. This last piece of information sent Doctor Sane, normally unshakeable when working on a patient, into a bit of a frenzy. Carina had never seen him fumble in the operating room, and was startled to see him jump and drop his laser scalpel. "What?" he shrieked, his voice jumping several octaves, assaulting her tired ear drums. "Mark Venture is alive? Send Nova in here right now!"

"Y-yes, sir," stammered the enlisted man who had brought the news, taken aback by the doctor's reaction. "Right away, sir."

"Doctor?" Carina was uncertain whether she should press him for details. She knew, of course, that Cdr. Venture was the navigator/pilot for the Star Force. Much had been written about the Argo's young crew, and her officers in particular, when the ship had traveled to Iscandar. She could probably identify most of the Star Force on sight for that reason, not to mention that many of them had gone through the academy with her, and Carina thought she might have had a math class or two with Cdr. Venture early in her school career. But no news had been received from space since the battle at Saturn. Had the commander been wounded and somehow left behind? The thought made her shiver.

The doctor was silent as he finished removing debris from the cut on Ens. Glitchman's head, but glanced at her as he prepared to close the wound. "Mark Venture was hit by an explosion and lost in space several days ago. He was presumed dead. It was the worst loss the bridge of the Argo has suffered since Captain Avatar died." Nova appeared in the doorway, her black eyes exhausted yet exhilarated. Dr. Sane stepped back. "Carina, could you bandage this wound for me?"

"Of course, Doctor." Carina and Nova had been in the same graduating class at the academy and had shared a number of classes. Nova had majored in nursing while Carina had focused more on analysis and development, but the two had been friends and had worked together occasionally both before the Star Force's initial mission and during the year before Trelaina of Telezart's message had been received. Carina shot Nova a Look, the kind of non-verbal communication that had driven the boys at the academy crazy: _What's going on? _Nova responded in kind: _We'll talk later._

Carina turned her attention to bandaging Ens. Glitchman's wound, but managed to catch some of what Nova and Doctor Sane were talking about: Trelaina… Brought Mark back to life somehow… Defeated the Comet Empire and saved the Argo… Might never know the full story. Intrigued, she resolved to talk to Nova as soon as possible.

Doctor Sane returned to finish up with Ens. Glitchman and asked Carina to assist Nova with Cdr. Venture in the lab. "I want a full body scan, blood work, vital signs, everything," he said. "And listen: keep the results between the two of you until I've had the chance to review everything, OK?" The two women exchanged a quick, puzzled glance, but responded, "Yes, Doctor," and headed back to the emergency room holding area to retrieve Cdr. Venture, lying motionless on a transporter. He looked thin and gaunt, almost shrunken in his green and white navigation uniform, but seeing him in person, Carina was sure she knew him from the academy. She'd thought he was cute when she was 17, she remembered as they wheeled him down the hall, with his dark curly hair and big brown eyes, but they had never spoken.

"What happened to him, Nova?" she asked. "Dr. Sane told me he was caught in an explosion."

Nova looked down. "Leader Desslok of Gamilon had come to attack us. We rammed his ship, and Derek boarded it hoping to fight him. I followed him – I couldn't bear to see him walk into that situation alone and I wanted to help. Mark was on the deck of the Argo. I'm not even sure why he was there – he never took part in hand-to-hand combat, but I guess there was nothing for him to do on the bridge at that time since we were pretty well attached to Desslok's ship." Nova's voice became thick with emotion. "He saw a trail of shots coming toward me and tried to warn me out of the way. He didn't notice that the shots were also heading straight for the gun mount next to him. There was a massive explosion, and… we saw his body float off into space. There was nothing we could do to retrieve it – we were fighting. But it's my fault that he's here." A tear ran silently down her cheek.

"Oh, Nova, it is _not_ your fault." Carina spoke seriously. "We all know the facts of war. Good men die, and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it. We fight to make the universe a better place for the people who remain. The only one to blame for Cdr. Venture's condition is the soldier who fired the shot."

Nova sighed. "I know. You're right. I'm just so very tired. And I'm so tired of fighting. I pray that we've brokered a lasting peace this time." She looked at the comatose commander. "You talk about good men… Mark is one of the best. I mean, really the best. Kind and warm and gentle… I don't know a better man, other than Derek." She smoothed the dark hair on his forehead and sighed again.

Carina reached out and touched her friend's arm. "Don't beat yourself up. He's here and he's alive. Be thankful for that. I heard you and the doctor saying something about Trelaina?"

They had reached the lab, and the two women drew a vial of blood, then removed the commander's uniform and moved his body to the scanner. He didn't have any visible wounds, Carina noted. He must have been knocked unconscious by the explosion, and remained comatose until his miraculous recovery from the vacuum of space. Nova nodded slowly as they started the scanning process. "Mark and Trelaina fell in love while we were out there. I don't know how it happened, but somehow she must have found him floating in space. She told us she had brought him back to life… And then she sacrificed herself to destroy Zordar's ship. She transformed herself into some kind of energy, I think. Could you see it from Earth?" Carina nodded. That explained the flash in the sky just after the deluge stopped. Nova went on. "Trelaina had some sort of psychic power. She destroyed her planet Telezart about six weeks ago to slow the White Comet's approach toward Earth. We thought she was gone then, and Mark was just starting to get over her loss when he was hit. He's going to be devastated when he realizes that she was alive and he's lost her again."

The poor guy. Carina thought privately that someone with Trelaina's sort of power sounded like a dangerous person to fall in love with, but didn't comment out loud. Instead, she focused on preparing a blood smear and adding drops of blood to the analyzers. The results came back quickly: his hematocrit and oxygen levels were low and his CO2 level a bit high, but Carina had expected that. The surprise came when she looked at the slide she had prepared. What she saw made her gasp and take a step back. "Nova, come and look at this," she said, excited.

"What is it?" Nova asked. She had been recording the commander's vital signs, but she crossed the room and looked into the microscope. She straightened almost immediately and looked at Carina, confused. "What _is_ that?" she repeated, dumbfounded.

Carina shook her head. The two women stared at each other. In addition to the normal red and white blood cells (their balance was off, but the cells themselves looked healthy,) Cdr. Venture's blood smear contained something foreign. It didn't look like any parasite Carina had ever seen, but it wasn't composed of normal human cells, either. These strange cells resembled red blood cells, but they looked… Shiny. Almost luminescent, she thought. "I guess this is how she brought him back to life?"

"I guess," Nova replied thoughtfully. "I wonder – "

Just then, Doctor Sane walked into the lab. "How is he?"

"His heart rate and breathing are slow," Nova replied, "and his temp is up, but his scan looks pretty good. No internal injuries, no head wounds. There is some swelling around his neck and spine." She looked at Carina, who took a deep breath.

"His red blood cell count and oxygen levels are low, and his white count is a bit high," she told the doctor, "but Doc, take a look at this slide."

The doctor pulled a chair to the microscope and climbed on it to look at the smear. When he leaned back after a few moments, he looked thoughtful, his brow furrowed, but not particularly surprised. "I wondered if something like this might come up," he said quietly, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. "We don't know what happened when Venture was with Trelaina. This will be the key to it." he looked at the nurses, his beady eyes serious. "I don't want Mark Venture to be treated like a freak, or studied by Earth Defense as a secret weapon. Can you both promise me that you won't tell _anyone_ about this? I don't want it to leave this room. Nova, not even Wildstar can know." When both women agreed, he continued. "I'd like to try to isolate those cells myself. I'm going to have blood drawn from Venture on a regular basis, but I'm going to order that only one of you be allowed to handle his blood in the lab. And you'll have to destroy whatever is left of each sample after it's been analyzed."

Carina hesitated for a moment. What the doctor was asking them to do would be in direct violation of protocol. But at the same time, she knew very well what Earth Defense was capable of, and this hero didn't deserve to be put under the microscope. She assured the doctor that she would help him in any way possible, and after reviewing the results of the scan and blood analysis, he wrote orders for Cdr. Venture: a blood drip and intravenous antibiotics and fluids. He would check him again in the morning. Nova and Carina brought the commander to the intensive care unit on the top floor, where he was housed across the hall from Stephen Sandor's room and next door to Homer Glitchman's, Carina noted with satisfaction. It would be good for them to be close to each other. They washed Cdr. Venture, dressed him in a johnny and put him to bed.

It was a long night at the hospital. By the time the last serious wounds were closed and the soldiers who had been less badly damaged were sent to bed, held for observation, it was well past midnight. Derek Wildstar had met with the defense council and the commander late into the night, and stopped at the hospital to speak to Nova while she and Carina were setting up Cdr. Venture's room. Wildstar stared at his friend for a minute, taking in his pale complexion, in such sharp contrast with his black hair; the dark circles under his eyes; and the blood and fluids dripping into his arm. Carina suspected that he was a bit put off, that Cdr. Venture looked worse in the harsh light of the hospital than he had on the deck of the Argo. Captain Wildstar seemed a little nervous, as if he wasn't sure whether it was all right to touch the commander.

"How is he?" Wildstar asked, standing with his hand awkwardly on the bed rail.

Nova moved to stand beside the captain and put her hand on his back. "He's holding his own. He does have a high fever, and he's pretty severely dehydrated, but he'll live. We can't really say more until he wakes up, but he'll be all right, Derek. I'm sure of it."

Wildstar nodded, his eyes glued to the figure in the bed. "I know he will. Venture is strong. Whatever Trelaina did, I'm sure it was enough to make him well." He turned to Nova and took her hand. Feeling suddenly like a third wheel, Carina turned away and busied herself, uselessly filling a pitcher with water. The captain said, "I came to tell you I'm going home to bed. There's a press conference at 0900, and I need to be able to think."

"Of course. I'll be there to support you," Nova replied, rubbing his back.

"That will be nice." The captain ran a hand over his face exhaustedly. "Good night, Nova. Good night, Lt. Clark."

"Good night, Captain." Carina saluted him as he left, and he returned her salute wearily. She turned to Nova with a hint of a grin. "You two seem… happy."

Nova blushed and cast her eyes down, but she couldn't help smiling. "We are. I…" She hesitated for a moment, then spoke in a hushed, excited voice, beaming. "Please don't tell anyone, because I haven't spoken to my family yet, but I have to tell someone! Derek proposed to me earlier, on the Argo. We're going to be married!"

It took a moment for the words to sink in, but when they did, Carina squealed and gave her friend a quick hug. "That's wonderful! Congratulations! When?"

"Thanks. We haven't discussed any details yet – we were a little busy. But you're the only person who knows, so please… I just couldn't hold it in any longer!"

"I won't say a word. Don't worry."

A sound came from the bed. Cdr. Venture had suddenly inhaled sharply, and the nurses rushed to his side. They watched him tensely for a minute, but when he didn't move, they relaxed again. "He might tell on you, though," Carina said teasingly. "Sounds like he's happy about your news."

Nova nodded wryly. "Mmm. Or perhaps his body needs oxygen." She frowned and fiddled restlessly with the blankets that covered the commander. "Part of me wishes I could stay here with him straight through his recovery, to make sure he gets the care he needs."

Carina put her hand on Nova's shoulder. "You know Dr. Sane won't allow anything less than the best care for him. And between the two of us, we can guarantee top-of-the-line nursing. He'll be fine." She moved to take her friend's arm and began to lead her out of the room. "Come on – you should get some rest before the press conference, and I plan to spend a few hours in my own bed for the first time in a week, too."

On their way out of the hospital, Nova and Carina passed a middle-aged couple walking toward the waiting room. They nodded at Carina, but when they saw Nova they stopped, and the woman grabbed Nova's arm. Nova blinked at them, and then recognition dawned in her eyes. "Mr. and Mrs. Venture. I'm so glad you're here," she said, hugging the woman.

The man, tall and thin, spoke first. "Lt. Forrester, is Mark all right? We received a call, but they didn't give us any details."

"Mark is unconscious now, but there's no reason he shouldn't make a full recovery. I'm sorry I can't tell you more, but the doctor will talk to you."

The woman, Mrs. Venture, looked as though she hadn't slept in a week. Her hair had been hastily pulled back in a twist, and her clothes were rumpled. "Can we see him?"

"I don't think you'll be able to see him tonight," Nova replied. "But I'll make sure Dr. Sane knows you're here, and he'll come down to talk to you as soon as possible."

Carina had been watching them, and saw an opportunity to help. "I'll go page him, Nova," she said. "You take the Ventures to the waiting room. And then I'm going to go home, if you don't mind."

"That's fine, Carina, thanks. Have a good night," her friend replied. Turning to the Ventures, she said, "I'll wait with you until the doctor comes to talk to you."

Mrs. Venture nodded at Carina as she walked away. "Thank you so much, nurse."

Carina gave her what she hoped was a soothing smile. "Your son will be fine. There's no doubt in my mind." She continued to the nearest nurses' station, paged Dr. Sane, then went home and collapsed into bed.

She had hoped to be up early enough to attend the press conference the next morning, but the lure of her own bed and kitchen proved stronger than Carina had anticipated. She slept a solid five hours and woke up at 0830, at which point she showered, made herself cup of tea and curled up on her sofa to watch the conference on television. It would have been too crowded at Earth Defense HQ anyway, she decided when she saw the throngs of people on the screen.

The camera panned the crowd, and she spotted Nova in the front row, along with several of the Star Force members who had been released from the hospital this morning. Next to Nova were ensigns Chris Eager and Dashell Jordan. Eager had been knocked out but not wounded, and Jordan had escaped with a sprained wrist and a few scrapes on his face.

The cameras now focused on Captain Wildstar, who had emerged from Earth Defense Headquarters flanked by Commander Singleton and General Stone. The Commander spoke first.

"As you know, for several months and until yesterday, Earth was under attack by the Comet Empire, a tremendous war machine bent on conquering the galaxy. Its ultimate goal seems to have been to enslave the people of Earth and make use of our natural resources. The Star Force, after initially defying orders not to take off several months ago," (General Stone scowled at this remark) "identified this threat to our peace with the help of Trelaina of planet Telezart, who had sent a distress call regarding the Comet.

"One week ago, the Earth Defense Fleet met the advanced fleets of the Comet Empire in battle at Saturn, and was completely decimated by the enemy. The Star Force alone survived, but was unable to communicate with Earth and Earth Defense did not know whether the Argo still existed. In light of this, Earth's government determined that the only safe course of action was unconditional surrender. Before the surrender party reached the Comet, however, the Star Force made a miraculous appearance and fought the enemy, bringing us to victory at last. Deputy Captain Derek Wildstar is here to speak to you about what transpired after the battle at Saturn."

The commander stepped back, and Wildstar approached the microphone. "Thank you, sir." He saluted, then faced the crowd. "As you have just heard, the Argo lost its communication capabilities during the battle at Saturn. When the ability to receive radio transmissions was restored, the Star Force learned that Earth planned to surrender to the Comet Empire. We felt that it was our duty, as Earth's last remaining battleship, to do what we could to stop the Comet Empire and its evil ruler, Prince Zordar. We decided to return to Earth and wage a surprise attack on the Comet.

"Thanks to the advice of brave Captain Gideon of the Andromeda, we were able to infiltrate the Comet Empire city. It was a long and difficult battle, and we lost many good men, all of whom fought bravely and will forever be remembered as heroes." The captain paused for a moment, eyes closed, remembering his fallen comrades. "In the end," he continued, "their sacrifice served us well. We managed to destroy the Comet Empire, and we believed the battle was over. Prince Zordar had one more trick up his sleeve, however. He emerged from the wreckage of the Comet Empire in an enormous ship, which proceeded to fire on Earth.

"I loaded an escape capsule into an airlock on the Argo, and after evacuating the wounded, I remained aboard ship. My plan was to set the automatic pilot to ram Zordar's ship with the Argo, and then escape. I soon discovered that Lieutenant Nova Forrester had remained behind to help me, and we decided to execute the plan together.

"You can imagine how shocked we were when Trelaina of Telezart suddenly appeared on our video panel, and then on our bridge, holding the unconscious body of our dear friend and chief navigator, Commander Mark Venture. Commander Venture had been wounded and presumed killed during our battle with the Comet Empire. Trelaina and Venture had developed a deep love for each other during our mission, and she somehow found his body in the vastness of space and brought him back to life.

"Despite our pleas with her to return with us and Commander Venture to Earth, Trelaina could not be persuaded. She left us as suddenly as she had appeared, and before we realized what was happening, she used her tremendous mind energy power to destroy Zordar's ship, sacrificing her own life in the process. We may never understand Trelaina's power, or how she defeated Zordar, but her love for Commander Venture and for Earth saved us all. We will always owe her a debt of gratitude.

"I thank you all for listening to me this morning. General Stone will now conclude this conference with a few words about the state of Earth Defense."

Wildstar stepped back, and General Stone approached the microphone. Carina knew that there was bad blood between Stone and Wildstar, but the two saluted each other cordially. General Stone cleared his throat. "As Commander Singleton reported," he said, "the Earth Defense fleet was wiped out during the battle at Saturn. The defense council plans to immediately rebuild three Andromeda-class cruisers, and production is underway to replace our lost fighter planes. The Space Academy will graduate a new class of cadets in just over one month, and in the meantime we are calling our reserves to active duty. In addition, 22 Star Force members survived the war, 19 of whom were wounded in battle…"

Carina tuned out the rest of Stone's speech. He would tell the people what they wanted to hear about rebuilding the fleet and Earth's safety, and the people would accept it without question. She herself wasn't sure she bought it. But Captain Wildstar had spoken well. Nova must be very proud. She made herself an egg sandwich on rather stale toast (she'd have to remember to go shopping soon,) and by the time it was ready, Stone had finished speaking.

The general walked off, followed by Wildstar and the Commander. Reporters shouted questions after them, but the MPs closed ranks behind the officers to protect them from the crowds. The broadcast shifted to the news studio, and Carina tried to pay attention to the analysts' commentary as she ate her sandwich. She was short on sleep, though, and found that it was harder to fight off her exhaustion now that she was home than it had been at the hospital. Her mind kept wandering, and she finally decided to give up and go back to bed for the rest of the day. She fell into bed with a book and spent the better part of the next 24 hours there, catching up on reading and sleep.

As she dressed for her hospital shift the next morning, Carina found herself wondering about Trelaina. She had loved Commander Venture enough to sacrifice her own life… It would be hard on him, losing someone so devoted. And Nova said Trelaina had sacrificed her planet six weeks ago, as well. How had she done it? What exactly _was_ Trelaina's mysterious power?

She walked to work slowly, still tired but feeling better for having slept and showered in her own home. The destruction wrought by Zordar's dreadnought was tremendous; buildings were demolished, streets torn up and train tubes fractured. But work crews were already busy clearing away the rubble in anticipation of rebuilding. It was heartening to know that Earth's spirit was still so strong after the attack. Her step picked up and she smiled as she continued to the hospital.

Carina had been assigned to the intensive care unit of the Earth Defense wing, which meant she'd be working with the most severely wounded Argo crew members: Stephen Sandor, Mark Venture, Homer Glitchman and engineer Sho Yamazaki. After reviewing their cases with the nurse she was relieving, she made the rounds of their rooms. Stephen, Homer and Yamazaki were resting, and she took their vital signs and moved on. The last room she approached was Cdr. Venture's.

When she entered Venture's room, she saw that he had visitors. She recognized his parents, the couple she had seen the night the Argo returned to Earth; today there was a small boy with them as well. "Oh, hello," she said pleasantly, tugging at her skirt. "Mr. and Mrs. Venture, I'm Lt. Carina Clark. We met briefly the other night. Sorry to disturb you, but I need to draw some blood and check the commander's temperature."

Mr. Venture spoke. "Of course, nurse Clark. This is our younger son, Jordy."

She nodded at them and moved to draw a vial of blood. She noticed that the boy, Jordy, watched her closely, and when she had finished he asked her, "Is my brother going to be OK?"

She looked at him for a moment before she answered. His big brown eyes reflected both his fear and his hope. He was about the same age as her sister Katherine, she guessed. Thinking of how Katie would feel if it were her lying in that bed, she smiled at him comfortingly. "Your brother will come back to you, Jordy. I'm going to tell you the truth – we don't know how long it will take for him to be healthy again. But he'll be with you for a long, long time."

The boy's expression became less tense, and he nodded and looked at the figure in the bed again. "He'll be OK soon. I know he will."

Mr. Venture spoke. "We appreciate everything the hospital is doing for our son, Lieutenant. Everyone here has been wonderful."

"Nurse, will he really be all right?" Mrs. Venture was speaking now. "What are the chances that he'll be paralyzed or have some sort of permanent… damage?" She was speaking softly and looked at Jordy as she spoke. It was obvious that she didn't want to worry the young boy.

"Your son is strong, Mrs. Venture. His vitals have improved quite a bit in the last 36 hours, and our tests are showing no spinal damage or brain issues. There's no reason to believe he won't make a full recovery. It's just a question of time."

Mrs. Venture nodded sadly. "It's so hard to see him like this. I know I should be thankful; so many other mothers' sons didn't come home at all, and we came so close to losing him." Her voice caught in her throat, and she spoke through rising tears. "But he's my son, and I can't bear to think that…" Suddenly, she gasped. They all followed her gaze and focused on Cdr. Venture's hand. They weren't sure at first, but then it happened again: his fingers twitched. It looked like more than a muscle spasm, Carina thought – it looked like he was trying to move.

His mother grabbed his hand. "Mark! Mark, can you hear me? Wake up!" They watched as his eyes twitched and slowly opened and blinked. His gaze scanned the room blankly, seeming to focus finally on his mother. Carina shook her head to regain her composure. "I'll get Doctor Sane," she said, and flew out of the room and down the hall.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Mark Venture listened to the voices for several minutes before he opened his eyes. At first he thought he must be dreaming – a strange kind of dream, with only sound and no picture. The voices were familiar, although he couldn't follow what they were saying. Eventually he realized the voices belonged to Mom, Dad and Jordy. And Mom sounded so sad. He tried to reach out to her, but he couldn't summon the strength, somehow. Later there was another, unfamiliar woman's voice, as well. It wasn't Nova's, and it wasn't Trelaina's. _Trelaina_. The last thing he remembered was hearing her voice as she nursed him. He couldn't remember what she said, but he knew he had been happy with her, and that he was not happy now. He also couldn't remember how he had ended up with Trelaina. He thought there had been a battle on the Argo, but that was all.

The voice that sounded like his mother's now sounded like she was crying. He could never stand to hear her cry. He tried again to reach out to her. He thought he might be able to do it if he tried a little harder. Then, suddenly, the voice was calling to him. "Mark! Mark, can you hear me? Wake up!" He felt a tug on his hand, as well. Maybe it wasn't a dream, he decided. He struggled to open his eyes, blinked heavily a few times and worked to focus on the space around him. He was right – Mom, Dad and Jordy were standing around the bed he was lying in, along with a tired looking redheaded nurse. The nurse said something about Doctor Sane and rushed out of the room, but the family's eyes were glued to him. Mom had tears running down her face, and Dad was standing behind her with his hands on her shoulders and tears in his eyes. Jordy stood on the other side of the bed, his mouth wide open.

Mark cleared his throat and tried to speak. "Mom. Dad." His voice was hoarse from disuse, his throat dry, and it seemed to take him a long time to form the words. He felt as though he was moving under water. "What…?"

"Mark! You're awake!" His mother was crying in earnest now, bent over his hand, and Jordy was jumping up and down saying his name. His head hurt and he was confused, and the lights and noise were overwhelming. But his father's voice, although trembling with emotion, was quiet and even, and calmed him a bit.

"Son. We're so glad you're awake. You were… hurt… in the war, but you're going to be fine."

Hurt? He had another flash of that battle on the deck of the Argo. And he suddenly felt worried about Nova. Had she been hurt, too? He tried to form the question. "Nova?"

"Nova and Wildstar are both fine, Venture." He moved his head at the sound of Doctor Sane's voice and saw him entering the room, the red-haired nurse following him. The doctor turned to the family and spoke more gently than Mark had ever heard him. "Excuse me, folks, but I'll have to ask you to step out of the room while I examine Mark. It may take some time, but you'll be able to see him again as soon as I'm done. Carina, please bring the Ventures to the cafeteria and get them something to eat, and then find IQ-9 and tell him to get in touch with Nova and Wildstar right away. Then come back here and give me a hand, OK?"

"Yes sir. Please, come with me," the nurse said.

Jordy protested. "I don't want to eat. I want to talk to Mark."

The nurse put her hand on the boy's shoulder and spoke patiently. "I promise I'll bring you back as soon as the doctor says it's OK, all right? You're in luck - we have good chocolate cake in the cafeteria today."

She led the family out of the room, and Mark focused on the doctor. He asked about the one thing that really mattered to him. "Trelaina?"

Doctor Sane was looking in his ear, and was silent for a minute. When he spoke, he sounded as though he was weighing his words carefully. "She saved your life, Mark. And she destroyed Prince Zordar. Without her, Earth wouldn't have survived."

The doctor's tone, and the fact that he had called him by his first name, told Mark what he needed to know, what he supposed he already knew. "She's gone." He felt his stomach churn and hot tears well up in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Mark."

He tried to nod as it sank in, when another thought occurred to him. Trelaina had refused to take sides the last time he'd spoken to her, but the doctor had said she destroyed Zordar. That must mean Earth had been in very dire straits. "Who else?" He whispered. "From the Star Force?"

The tiny man stared at the floor for a moment. "It was a hard-won victory; I won't lie to you. Wildstar and Nova should be here in a little while, and they'll tell you all about it. But right now we have to concentrate on getting you better. Do you think you can focus on what I'm doing for a few minutes?"

He struggled to take a deep breath and nodded. Thankfully, the questions didn't require much concentration. Did this hurt, did that hurt, what did this feel like, how many fingers did he see. It was hard to pay attention, and while the doctor looked in his eyes and at his throat and listened to his heart, he allowed himself to think about Trelaina. He had lost her once, when she destroyed Telezart, and now he had lost her again. She had saved his life somehow, but then she had left him. Alone. And what about his friends on the Star Force? The doctor's silence told him there was bad news there, too. He ran down the list of crew members in his head, wondering which he'd never see again, until the doctor's voice pulled him out of his reverie.

"Venture!" Mark turned his head and looked at Doctor Sane, who was now standing at his feet along with the nurse who had been there when he woke up. She had been nice to Jordy. He hadn't noticed her come back in. It really was hard to focus. "Please, try to stay with me. Now, can you feel this?" The doctor dragged something across his foot. He could see him do it, but he didn't feel anything.

For the first time, Mark felt a stab of fear for himself. He tried unsuccessfully to wiggle his toes and felt a wave of panic crash over him. The fear helped to focus his mind and gave him a sudden burst of energy. "No. Doc, I can't move my legs!" He struggled to sit up, but he didn't have much strength, and the nurse moved quickly to put her hands on his shoulders and hold him down.

"Commander Venture," she said in a soothing voice that made him feel vaguely angry, "Dr. Sane needs you to lie still so he can do his job. We expect you to regain feeling and mobility within a few days. There's nothing to worry about."

He pushed her hands away irritably, but Doctor Sane nodded. "She's right. There's nothing in any of the tests we've run to indicate any permanent damage. Your body has been through a lot, and we don't even know half of it yet. You need to give it time." The doctor stepped forward and looked him in the eye. "Now, I've got to go and check on some of the patients who really need me. You let Lt. Clark take care of you like a good patient, hmmm? I'll be back later." The doctor waved and left Mark alone with the nurse.

She picked up his wrist to check his pulse rate, then recorded his blood pressure and his temperature. The feeling of her hand, cool and gentle on his forehead, irritated him and he frowned at her. She chatted as she straightened the items on his bedside table, apparently impervious to his scowl. "You're lucky to have such a wonderful family here that loves you so much. We see a lot of soldiers who have no one to visit them. But, as I told your parents and your brother, we're going to take good care of you. You'll be fine."

She smiled at him indulgently, and suddenly he was furious. Trelaina was gone, along with who knew how many of his friends, he was paralyzed from the waist down, and this nurse was treating him as though he was five years old. "How do you know that? How do you know I'll be fine?" He saw her flinch as he snapped at her, but he didn't care. "And lucky? Lieutenant, how many of your friends did you lose last week? Did you lose the person you loved? I don't even know how many of my friends were lost, and now…"

An electronic sound interrupted him, and IQ-9, the Star Force's self-proclaimed "genius robot," entered the room. "Mark Venture, I am glad you are awake," he said in his tinny voice. "Derek Wildstar and Nova are here to talk to you. Doctor Sane has advised them to keep their visit short so you may rest." Nova and Wildstar followed him, carrying a vase of freshly cut flowers. When they saw the expressions on his and the nurse's faces, they paused uncertainly, but Lt. Clark smiled at them and made her way out of the room. "Enjoy your visit," she said, clearing her throat as she passed them. "Cdr. Venture, I'll bring your family back in half an hour or so. I'll see you later this evening." She sidestepped deftly around IQ-9, swatting at his yellow hand as he extended it to flip up her skirt.

"Mark, is everything all right?" Nova's voice was gentle as she stepped forward and took his hands. "You sounded upset."

There had been a time when Nova had meant the world to him, when he had thought that maybe she and he… But that had ended during the trip to Iscandar, when it became clear that Derek was the one she wanted to be with. Still, although he no longer had romantic feelings for her, he loved her more than any other woman he knew. She always seemed to know how to make him feel better, and now just hearing her voice and feeling her hands on his calmed his mood. He was a bit embarrassed about the way he had snapped at the nurse, and turned away for a moment.

"It's OK. It was nothing. Thank you for coming to see me, Nova, Derek."

At that, Wildstar deposited the flowers on the bedside table and took one of his hands from Nova. "Venture. Boy, you sure scared us. Don't ever do that to us again, OK? The Star Force needs you too much, space jockey." He smiled at his friend, but Mark couldn't find the energy to smile back. Instead, he nodded and got directly to the reason they were there.

"The doc said you would tell me what happened. I know about Trelaina, but who else? It sounds like it was bad." He saw the concerned look they gave each other, and pressed on. Mark had kept Derek up-to-date when Derek had been wounded, even against Doctor Sane's wishes, and he knew that Derek would do the same for him. "Look, I need to know. Please don't treat me like a child."

Wildstar nodded and pulled up a chair while Nova stepped back and leaned against the desk on the other side of the room. "It was a hard battle. We lost a lot of good men. Including the three of us, there were only twenty-two survivors." Mark winced at that and Derek paused, uncertain, but then continued. "Homer and Sandor are here in the hospital with you, and Dash and Eager are home and well, but Mark, Orion didn't make it." The Chief. It hadn't occurred to Mark that Orion could have been among the casualties, that they'd never again bicker over whose fault it was that the ship wasn't running as it should, never again chat over a cup of coffee. He swallowed the lump in his throat and asked Wildstar to go on.

"All of the Space Marines were lost, including Sgt. Knox, and the Black Tigers. Hardy… and Conroy." Another difficult name to hear. Mark closed his eyes, trying to take it all in. "Most of Sandor's team was lost too, including Royster. There were a few survivors from the engine room and the kitchen – Yamazaki is here on this floor with you, too – but other than that…" He trailed off hopelessly. "But you survived. It's a miracle. When Trelaina appeared on the bridge…"

At the mention of her name, Mark's head snapped back toward Derek. "Trelaina… Tell me what happened."

Derek looked back to Nova, who came forward and sat on the edge of the bed. "Mark, do you remember being hit? The battle on the deck of the Argo, when you tried to save me from being shot?" When he nodded, she continued. "As far as we knew, you were… gone. Your body floated away into space. Three days later, when it was almost all over and Derek and I were the only ones left on the Argo, she appeared with you in her arms. She told us she had brought you back to life, and that it was important for her to save Earth because of her love for you. Then she destroyed Prince Zordar, and… herself." Tears ran silently down Nova's cheeks, but Mark's eyes were dry and blank as he digested this in silence.

"She chose to destroy herself. We were together, and she chose to die."

"No, Mark. No, it wasn't like that. She sacrificed herself because her love for you made her determined to save you, and all of Earth. Mark," Nova took his hands again gently as he bowed his head. "The last thing Trelaina said to us was to ask us to tell you how much she loved you." Her gentle tone would normally have calmed him, but he didn't want to listen to her now. She had Wildstar… Wildstar would never leave her the way Trelaina had left Mark.

"She's right, Mark. Trelaina loved you very much. It was that love that drove her to do what she did." Wildstar was only trying to help, but he didn't understand. Neither of them did. Mark nodded, determined not to let them see how he felt. "Thanks, you two. I'm starting to feel tired, if you don't mind..."

"Mark, there is one more thing." Nova looked a bit sheepish, but happy. "Maybe it's not the best time to tell you… We've been waiting to tell anyone because wanted you to be the first to know. Derek and I have decided to get married."

The news made him feel as though he'd been punched in the stomach. Not because it was a surprise – he'd been expecting it for some time. But Nova was right – now _wasn't_ the best time to tell him. He arranged his face into what he hoped was a neutral, if not happy, expression. "That's wonderful, guys. Really. I want to hear all about it when I'm feeling a little better."

"Sure," Wildstar said. "Listen, I'll come and see you tomorrow, and if you're feeling better, I'll fill you in on what happened while you were… away. It was an interesting few days."

"Sounds good," Mark replied, although he wasn't really listening. He just wanted them to leave him alone.

"Venture…" Wildstar began, but Mark was relieved when he was interrupted by a tentative knock at the door. It was the nurse again.

She cleared her throat. "Sorry to interrupt you, folks," she spoke lightly, but her voice had a nervous tremor, and Mark again felt a twinge of guilt for snapping at her earlier. "Visiting hours will be over soon, and Cdr. Venture, your family is waiting to say good night to you." He noticed that she avoided his eyes.

"Right." Wildstar and Nova stood up to leave. "I'll come to see you again tomorrow, Venture."

"Take care, Mark." Nova leaned in and kissed him on the forehead. As they left, his family entered the room. He managed a half-smile for them, found some comforting words for Mom, a handshake for Dad and a hair-tousle for Jordy, but he was glad when they went home – he really was tired, and miserably unhappy. His mind swam with thoughts of his fallen comrades, and most of all, of Trelaina. Images of her flashed in his mind. They would never have what Wildstar and Nova had. But if Trelaina hadn't loved him, he wouldn't cry over her. He swallowed his tears and tried to shut down his brain.

As miserable as he felt, he needed rest, and he soon started to doze off. The nurse woke him when she came in one more time, bringing pills and a glass of water. "Commander, you're running a fever," she said, "and Doctor Sane also wants you to take a mild sedative to help you sleep tonight. You've had a pretty rough day." He nodded and made an effort to sit up, but instead she supported his head while she gave him the pills and helped him to take a few sips of water. The water felt good going down, cooling his overheated throat, and this time when she put her hand on his forehead, it soothed him rather than irritating him. He felt himself slipping off to sleep, and when he tried to thank her, he suspected what came out was more of a mumble. He felt as if he were watching through a glass when he saw her smile and heard her tell him goodnight as his eyes closed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Mark awoke feeling tired and depressed the next morning. He had slept heavily, but had been plagued by upsetting dreams about Trelaina. The dreams started out happily enough, but then something always went wrong. Sometimes a bomb exploded and took her from him; other times she was pulled away, out of his reach, and he knew he would never touch her again. But the worst dream, the one that made him wake up with tears flowing down his cheeks more than once, was the one in which she deliberately left him. He would tell her that he loved her, or lean in to kiss her, and she would laugh at him and walk away.

He was staring out the window at the grey December sky when Nova came in with his meds. He was glad his friend was the on-duty nurse this morning – he wasn't at all in the mood to deal with a stranger. She spoke gently. "How are you feeling this morning, Mark?"

He shrugged. "My head's a little clearer. It aches, though."

As she raised the head of his bed, she felt his forehead. "You have a fever. The pills should help. Did you sleep all right?" She checked his pulse and took his temperature, recording the results.

"Sure." She didn't need to know about his nightmares. Nova looked at him doubtfully but decided not to press the issue. He turned back to face the window.

"Is it OK with you if Derek comes to see you after breakfast?"

"It's fine, Nova." He could sense that she wanted to say more, but after a few seconds she left him alone, promising to come back later in the morning. He didn't like being rude to her, but he just didn't feel like talking. She would understand.

After swallowing a few spoons of the breakfast they brought him (mushy hot cereal: flavorless, which was fine since he had no appetite,) Mark dozed off. He began to dream almost immediately and was relieved to be awakened by Dr. Sane entering the room.

"How are you feeling today, Venture? Any better?" he asked as he consulted Mark's chart.

"Doc. I told Nova that my head's a little clearer today. It still hurts, but the medicine she gave me seems to be helping a little. Other than that, the same."

The doctor nodded. "You've had a tough time, and this fever's hanging on," he said as he looked in Mark's ears and eyes. "We're doing what we can to bring it down, but you've got to put some effort into it, too. I see you didn't eat much of your breakfast."

Mark glanced at the nearly-full bowl of slop on his table and shook his head. "I'm not hungry. I'll try again later."

"I'll hold you to that." Dr. Sane listened to his chest and tested his legs, which were still completely numb. He then called Nova in to draw a vial of blood and went on his way, muttering that Sandor was being much more cooperative than Mark was.

Nova inserted the needle into his arm, which he noticed was already bruised, as though he'd been stuck with needles several times. He thought about asking Nova about it, but didn't really have the energy.

"Derek just came in," she told him. "Do you feel like talking to him?"

"Sure, Nova. Thank you." He met her gaze and tried to smile at her to make up for the way he'd treated her this morning. She nodded as she left the room.

Wildstar looked as though he'd had a rough few days, too. "Venture. How are you feeling?"

"Tired of that question," Mark answered, attempting a chuckle. "How about you? You look tired."

Wildstar nodded. "The council is up to their old tricks, burying their heads in the sand. They won't accept any responsibility for what happened at Saturn, and they're keeping what happened with Desslok secret from the public. They think if the people know the Gamilons are still out there, they'll panic. I don't think it's smart to keep the public in the dark, but if word leaks out, heads are going to roll."

_Desslok_. "Wildstar, what _did_ happen with Desslok? The last I knew, you were boarding his ship to fight him. Tell me about those last few days."

Pulling a chair beside the bed, Wildstar ran a hand through his unruly hair. "Leader Desslok and I came face-to-face for an old-fashioned gun fight, and I almost lost. My arm was badly wounded and I had lost a lot of blood. I guess I blacked out… the next thing I knew, Nova was with me. She had followed me onto Desslok's ship trying to help. I don't remember much of what happened after that – Nova can give you the details better than I can – but the end result was that Desslok ended his war with us. He saw how much Nova and I love the Earth, and how much we love each other, and I think it suddenly occurred to him that we have more in common than he ever realized – that our fight to save Earth was just like his fight to save Gamilon. I guess he had never put himself in our place before. He saw that the Comet Empire's battle, fighting only for the purpose of conquest, wasn't a noble one."

"So Desslok is now… our ally?" It was going to take some time for that to sink in.

Wildstar nodded. "Or at least no longer our enemy. I know. I still have a hard time believing it, too. But he gave us valuable information to defeat the Comet Empire. Desslok told us the same thing that Captain Gideon said before he was killed: to attack the Comet Empire from the bottom. The gun turrets and the wave motion gun were badly damaged when we rammed Desslok's ship, and we only had missiles left to attack with. Since the comet was positioned in the ocean waiting for Earth to surrender, we submerged and hit its bottom half with torpedoes while the Black Tigers attacked the city on the upper half. When the comet took off, the shield around its upper half was activated, and we lost some pilots." He hung his head and sat in silence for a moment, then continued haltingly.

"The Argo was heavily damaged by hidden gun turrets in the bottom half of the comet's fortress, but Sandor found a spot where we could enter, and we infiltrated the Comet Empire City. Hardy was killed defending our entrance. Sandor's leg was damaged as we searched for their energy center, and Sergeant Knox and I left him behind to plant a bomb there. Knox knew we wouldn't return from the generator chamber and ran ahead to set the explosives while I got Sandor back to safety. I don't know how long Knox lasted, but he managed to detonate the bomb. The rest of the space marines and the Black Tigers died in the comet, except for Conroy. He was able to fly me and Sandor back to the Argo, but when we landed in the hangar, he was gone.

"I was infuriated by our losses, and I ordered a full-out attack on the fortress. We destroyed its shell, but Zordar emerged from the wreckage in a giant battleship. He attacked the Argo, and we lost most of the remaining crew in the engine room and the computer room.

"When Zordar turned his weapons on the Earth, I knew what I had to do. I had Dr. Sane evacuate the crew while I remained behind. My plan was to ram his ship, using the Argo as a missile, and to try to escape before the ships collided. But once again Nova stayed on board to fight beside me…" He smiled faintly at the memory, and Mark's stomach twisted. "I knew then that I needed her by my side for the rest of my life. We were preparing our final attack when Trelaina appeared on the bridge with you. You know the rest."

Mark had listened in silence while Derek told his story, and his cheeks were wet with tears. "I'm sorry I wasn't there. I might have been able to help in some way. So many lives lost, Wildstar." It was going to take time to digest all of it.

"I know." Wildstar sighed. "I doubt that there was much anyone could have done to help, but I wish you had been there, too. You have no idea how we felt when Trelaina appeared with you in her arms. I can't imagine leading the Star Force without you there. It was a miracle that she was able to find you."

Mark snorted. "I'm not sure why she bothered. I'm glad to be alive, believe me," he added when he saw Wildstar's expression, "but I don't know why she did it, if she was just going to leave me behind, alone."

Wildstar put his hand on Mark's arm. "She brought you back because she couldn't bear to see you die, Mark. She told us that her love for you was what made it so important for her to save Earth. And Mark, you know you're not alone."

Derek was right, of course – he wasn't alone, and it wasn't fair for him to say such a thing. He was less convinced that Wildstar was right about Trelaina, but he didn't want to argue about it. "I know, Wildstar. Thanks." Sensing his discomfort, Wildstar dropped the subject and instead filled him in on the meetings he'd been attending at Earth Defense since their return. When a service robot brought Mark's lunch tray, Wildstar took his cue and left. He had given Mark a lot to think about; he tried to sort it out as he poked at the bland soup and pudding the cafeteria had sent him, leaving most of it uneaten on his tray.

* * *

Carina awoke early that morning. It took her a minute to realize why, but then she remembered that today she was working at Earth Defense Forces Headquarters for the first time in more than a week. She sighed in relief. Working at the hospital was rewarding, but she preferred dealing with data to dealing with people. She was naturally shy and found it extremely stressful trying to be cheerful and friendly with the patients. Her run-in with Cdr. Venture had made her feel like an insecure child – she was glad she wouldn't have to face him today.

The men she worked with at HQ, on the other hand, were even more socially awkward than she was, which made them easy for her to talk to. While the work didn't provide the instant gratification that nursing often did, she loved brainstorming solutions to problems and working out the logic that could be used to rectify the issues. And she was eager to see what information they had gathered since the Comet Empire had attacked. She knew that salvage missions had gone out to Saturn after the battle, collecting data from the Earth Defense fleet wreckage and looking to capture enemy vessels to reverse-engineer their technology.

Since she was wide awake, she decided to get up early and walk to work. She could stop at the hospital on her way and visit Stephen. She hadn't had much of a chance to chat with him yesterday, with the drama surrounding Cdr. Venture.

She considered Venture's case as she got dressed. His blood tests yesterday had yielded results slightly different from those when he was first admitted to the hospital. His red blood cell count had increased and his white blood cell count had decreased, but the luminescent alien cells had not dropped in number. In fact, they appeared to be somehow fusing with the patient's healthy red blood cells. The doctor, fascinated, wanted to continue running daily tests but was intent on keeping the information secret from his superiors, increasing Carina's respect and admiration for him. Dr. Sane drank like a fish, but he was a loyal friend and a dedicated doctor.

The hospital was generally quiet early in the morning. Although visiting hours officially began at 0800, as a staff member Carina could get away with bringing a meal to a patient. She stopped at the cafeteria to pick up the breakfast prepared for Stephen and rode the elevator to the top floor. When she got to his door, she saw that he was engrossed in the day's news feed. Knowing how he hated the overly-cheerful attitudes of the young nurses, she grinned and affected her best "silly girl" voice. "And how are we today, Mr. Sandor?"

It didn't escape her notice that he cringed before he turned and saw that it was her. "Carina," he said, smiling. "'We' are still sore, but getting a little better every day. If Doctor Sane didn't have such a stronghold over me, I'd be trying to get some work done."

"Hmmm. I'm working over at HQ today. I'll swing by your office and see if I can sneak some paperwork out. Don't tell the doctor. Oh! Breakfast." She swung the tray table around to his bed and set the breakfast tray on it. "Do you need help?"

"Actually, I do, although mainly just with drinking," he said regretfully. "I guess I was more badly injured than I thought. It's taking a while to adjust to the new limbs."

She nodded. "Not a problem. Just let me know what you need."

They sat in companionable silence as he began to eat the lumpy looking oatmeal the hospital had provided. He grimaced. "You'd think they could come up with a better menu."

"High turnover," she said. "It's hard to find help who will work in the kitchen long enough to become master chefs, especially during war time." She watched the morning sun rise over the city through his window. "It looks so peaceful now. Hard to believe just a few days ago we were ready to give up and enslave ourselves to an alien overlord. People forget so easily. After you returned from Iscandar, it was only a few months before people became complacent again. No one was prepared for another enemy attack." She paused, then asked him the question that had been bothering her. "Stephen, why didn't you tell me you were taking off in the Argo? I would have joined you in a second." He'd brought Neville Royster on the mission, after all.

He looked at her, his strangely protuberant, browless eyes measuring her reaction. "You know I'd like to have you on my team on the Star Force, but this wasn't the right mission for you. We didn't have any idea where we were going or what we were doing, really, and it had the potential to be extremely dangerous. Wildstar didn't even invite Nova to come with us – she had to sneak aboard. And also I would never have asked you to commit treason."

Fair enough. Treason aside, the thought of being the only woman on the ship, while it had its appeal, was a bit daunting. She helped him take a sip of coffee and asked whether he'd had the chance to talk to the other Star Force members who were in the hospital.

He'd spoken to Yamazaki yesterday, he said, and he seemed to be doing fairly well. Carina confirmed that he had been cleared for release later that day. Homer was still in pretty bad shape, not ready for visitors yet, Stephen reported, and Venture had slept solidly through the night, although Stephen had heard that he was awake this morning.

He considered Carina thoughtfully for a moment, then spoke. "You know, it might be a good idea for you to talk to Mark Venture, outside of your capacity as his nurse. Wildstar and Nova stopped in last night and told me how unhappy he was. The two of you could help each other."

_Seriously?_ She smiled. "Maybe, Stephen, but I'm not sure he'd agree. I don't think I made a very good impression on the commander yesterday. He was pretty snippy with me."

"Were you doing your chipper nurse act?" He asked. When she made a face, he said, "That's why. Just be yourself, and I know the two of you will become good friends. You're a lot alike."

She sighed. "You know I have no interest in dating, right, Stephen? You're not trying to set me up again?"

"No, I promise," he laughed. "I have no ulterior motive. You're my friend, and he's my friend. You're both lonesome and could use someone to talk to. That's all. Give it a shot? For me?"

She sighed again. He must be serious, or he wouldn't push it. "OK, Stephen, for you. But if he yells at me again, that's it. And I'm not lonesome, by the way."

Carina had interned as an analyst for Earth Defense before the Star Force had left for Iscandar. In those days, they had mostly tracked the level of damage from the radioactive planet bombs in the underground cities around the world, and how it affected living conditions. When the retrofit of the Argo, originally planned as an "ark" to transport humans away from the poisoned Earth, was nearing completion, she had been assigned to work with Lt. Stephen Sandor, recording the data he gave her regarding the ship and its components and running test scenarios to determine usability and efficiency. She had raised questions about safety and comfort, adding a human dimension to Stephen's focus on functionality. They had proven to be a strong team, and when the plans for the Wave Motion Engine had materialized, he had requested that she remain with him as his junior assistant.

It was shortly after they first began working together that Stephen introduced her to Daniel. She and Daniel had immediately begun spending most of their time together, and by the time the message from Iscandar had been received, they were engaged to be married. Stephen had offered Carina a position serving under him on the Star Force, but Daniel had insisted on remaining on Earth to prepare for the Star Force's return, and Carina opted to stay with him. It wasn't a decision she was especially proud of, but when Daniel had contracted the radiation sickness a few months later and his health had gotten progressively worse, she was glad she had remained behind. Stephen had recommended her for a new position, and she'd been with the office ever since.

Her stop at the hospital made Carina a little late arriving at EDHQ, and when she walked in, she was greeted by a shout from the young men she worked with. "Hello, boys!" She smiled broadly at them. Her boys. She loved working with them, in all their awkward brilliance. Knowing that some of them rarely spoke to women other than her, she made it her private mission to be extra nice to them, helping them to understand that girls weren't so scary, after all.

"Clarkie! Welcome back!" Her boss, Colonel Okajima, approached her. Tall and thin, with thick glasses, the colonel had the stereotypical look of a "computer geek." She clenched her jaw at the nickname he had given her, which had unfortunately caught on with the team. The colonel thought it was funny; she did not.

Although it was a small enough group that they ignored most of the formalities, she saluted the ranking officer. "Glad to be back, Colonel. I trust things are running smoothly here?"

"Well, as smoothly as we could expect, since we were short-handed," he teased before his face became serious. "Word is coming down from the brass about new projects they want us to take on. After you've settled in, come by my office and we'll review the situation."

"Yes, sir," she said. At least work wouldn't be dull today. As she settled at her desk to read her messages, one of the "boys," a hulking, goofy analyst who always had a smile on his face, walked in.

"Hey Clarkie, you'll never guess what I've got hidden in the freezer," he said with a grin.

She smiled back at him. "What's that, Paulie?" She had decided long ago that if they were going to give her a ridiculous nickname, she would respond in kind.

"Ice cream." She looked at him blankly. "REAL ice cream. My brother's dairy farm is finally producing enough milk that he was able to churn a few gallons. Grab some at lunch time if you want it."

"Wow," she said. Ice cream made from cow's milk really was a big deal. After the Cosmo DNA had cleaned the radiation poisoning from the Earth, re-establishing working farms had been an important priority. But until the bovine population had recovered enough, the farms specializing in dairy products had been limited to producing what were considered "necessities" – milk, butter and cheese. It was a good sign that there was enough of a surplus to produce something strictly for fun, even if it was only a small amount. She couldn't remember the last time she had tasted real ice cream. Maybe she could bring some to Stephen. "Paul, would it be OK if I put a couple of dishes aside and brought it to the hospital after work? Stephen Sandor is in intensive care over there, and I bet he'd love to have a bowl."

"For Sandor? Sure! It's vanilla, nothing fancy, but it's good. Wish him well for me. I'd like to visit him when he's out of ICU."

"He'd like that, Paul. Listen, I need to get to work, OK? Thanks so much." She gave him another smile.

The day passed quickly amid meetings, returned calls, and piles of grids and charts that needed to be reviewed. Carina had closed her office door after lunch for privacy, and was surprised when she looked at the clock and saw that the end of the work day had come and gone. She leaned back from the report she was reading and stretched, considering her options for the evening, and remembered the ice cream for Stephen. After finding bowls and spoons in the department's coffee station, she loaded a bag to carry to the hospital.

On the way there, she thought about the new project the colonel had told her about. An automated defense fleet… Part of her supposed it was a sensible idea, considering the loss in numbers Earth Defense had just experienced. But she was among those who believed that some of those losses would have been avoided if the Andromeda-class cruisers had relied more on human decision-making and less on their automated artillery, and she was leery. Machines shouldn't make life-or-death decisions. The idea was still in the initial talking phase – maybe she'd mention it to Stephen and get his thoughts.

But Stephen looked a little green when she got to his room. He'd had a bad reaction to a painkiller they'd given him and didn't dare eat anything, although he eyed the bag containing the ice cream jealously. "Tell Paul to bring more when I'm feeling better." She promised him she would, but she wasn't sure what to do now. She didn't feel like taking it home and eating it by herself, and she hated to waste it. "Carina," Stephen said, "take it over to Venture."

She groaned inwardly. "Really, Stephen? I don't think he wants to see me."

"Please, Carina. Wildstar came to see me after he talked to Venture today, and it sounds like he's pretty unhappy. He could use some cheering up."

"I don't understand why you think I'm the one to do the cheering. I'm really not comfortable with the whole idea."

"Trust my judgment, OK? You'll love each other, and you'll both feel better."

This time she groaned out loud. "I feel fine now!" It was an argument they'd had frequently after Daniel had died. Stephen – _Stephen Sandor_, of all people – was constantly after her to get out and socialize, when really all she wanted was to be alone. But when he glared at her, she gave in. "OK, OK, if you say so. One time only."

"Sure." She sighed and looked back at him as she left the room, and he smiled at her encouragingly. "Trust me." She rolled her eyes and groaned again, and headed down the hall.

She hesitated outside Venture's door, delaying long enough to take the ice cream out of the bag. The room was not exactly dark, but his bed was in shadow – the sun was setting and he hadn't turned on his light. The head of the bed was raised, and the commander sat with his head turned toward the window, unmoving, staring at the hospital grounds. The crisp white sheets were folded over his lap, and the pale blue walls appeared a gloomy grey in the dim light. His attitude didn't make her less uncomfortable, but she took a deep breath to calm the butterflies in her stomach and stepped through the door.

"Commander Venture?" She chided herself for the quaver in her voice, and cleared her throat foolishly to cover it. He turned his head and looked at her politely but with a blank, closed-off expression. She wasn't sure he recognized her in her EDF greens. She indicated herself. "Lieutenant Clark. The nurse?" When he nodded at her without speaking, she cleared her throat again. Stephen would pay for this. "I was bringing some ice cream to Stephen, but he's not feeling well. Would you like it?"

He blinked at her, as though it took time for the meaning of her words to sink in. "Sandor?"

"Yes." She stood awkwardly for another moment, then decided she was being ridiculous. He was sick, weak. It was her job to help him feel better. Stephen had told her to be herself, so… She waggled the two bowls in the air and grinned weakly. "Yum, yum! Delicious ice cream!"

She thought she saw the slightest glint of amusement in his dark eyes. He opened his mouth and hesitated, then sighed resignedly. "I – sure. Why not?"

Carina relaxed a bit and moved around to perch on the end of his bed. She handed him a bowl and watched as he put the first spoonful in his mouth. He looked at her in surprise. "This is real ice cream, isn't it? I don't think I've had real ice cream since I was about twelve years old."

"Yes," she smiled. "The cows have had a couple of birthing seasons since the Gamilon war ended, and they're producing enough milk that we're able to make items that we couldn't just a few months ago. Thanks to you and the rest of the Star Force, life on Earth gets better every day." As she began to eat, she leaned back against the bed's metal frame and looked out the window at the setting sun. It was a lovely view – the window overlooked the newly completed hospital garden. Manicured paths wound through a variety of deciduous and evergreen trees, with occasional benches overlooking scenic areas. Patients and their visitors were encouraged to stroll and relax in the area, and even more than a year after the people's return to the surface from the underground cities, the sun, greenery and fresh air had a wonderful therapeutic effect. At the moment, the winter-bare branches of the trees stood in stark black contrast against the pink and grey of the evening sky. If she were hospitalized, Carina would likely spend a lot of time staring out this window, too. Knowing the conversation Stephen wanted her to have with the commander, she decided this was a good starting point.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" She didn't look at him, but kept watching the sunset. "A lot of people believed we'd never see the Earth green again, but most of us had faith in the Star Force. So many people worked so hard to make sure that life continued underground. My fiancée devoted years to cultivating as many plant species as possible. If it weren't for him, most of Great Island would be covered with nothing but scrub brush."

After a pause, Cdr. Venture said, "You must be very proud of him." His voice was flat – he clearly didn't want to hear about her love life.

"I was." She took a deep breath. "I am. He died from the radiation sickness shortly after you got back from Iscandar. He delayed getting treatment so he could continue his work, and then it was too late."

"Oh… I'm so sorry." She glanced at him briefly and saw that he was looking at her differently than he had earlier.

"Thanks." Talking about it brought tears to her eyes, even after all this time, but she looked at him again to make her point and tried to keep her voice steady. "It was – it _is_ – hard, but he gave his life so that everyone left on Earth would have a future. I've learned to accept that he did the right thing. No matter how much it hurts me, the choice he made improved life for millions."

As she spoke, Carina watched Cdr. Venture's face. It was obvious that he got the message; his eyes filled with tears, and she turned to face the window again to give him some privacy. After a long moment, he spoke softly. "Does it – does facing the world ever get easy again?"

"_Easier_, yes. If it ever gets _easy_, I'll let you know." She sighed. "People are always telling me to get out there and date, but I don't know that I'll ever open myself up to those feelings again. It's too painful. I'm contented enough by myself."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, each lost in thought. Suddenly he spoke again. "Lt. Clark, I'm sorry that I snapped at you last night. It was very rude."

She blushed and smiled softly, putting her hand on his leg. "It's fine. You were distressed, and I try too hard to make conversation. I'm not very good at it. The other nurses do it much better."

"You're not a nurse full-time." It wasn't exactly a question – he was eying her olive EDF uniform. Not the most attractive thing, but at least she didn't have to worry about flashing people when she wore it.

"No. You know, after the radiation sickness became a real problem, all the girls at the academy were 'encouraged' to go into nursing and required to take classes, and female graduates were automatically assigned hospital shifts. The hospital has been short-handed lately, and we've all been called in to cover extra hours. Its good work, but I'm always happy to go back to my office at Earth Defense. I don't have to talk to anyone there all day if I don't want to." She felt like she was talking a lot, but if he noticed, he didn't seem to mind.

"I can understand that. On a ship, it's almost impossible to find time to yourself when you need it, and you have to be careful that your mood doesn't affect the rest of the crew." He changed the subject. "What else did you study at the academy?"

Maybe he found her rambling a distraction. OK, then. "Analysis and development. It's where I met Stephen Sandor – I did an internship under him. He actually recruited me for the Star Force, but I was young and at that point I wasn't willing to leave Daniel behind for a year." Embarrassed, she went on before Cdr. Venture could comment. "Stephen recommended me to Colonel Okajima when he left."

"It must have been fascinating to work with Sandor," he said. "He's the smartest man I've ever known."

"He's brilliant. I learned a tremendous amount from him," she agreed, and then cocked her head at him and changed the subject again in an attempt to draw him out. "Your accent, Commander. You're from the northeast US, aren't you?"

Upstate New York, he told her. She herself had grown up in New England before the deluge, and had passed through New York many times. She kept him chatting lightly for a while about their homes, sharing memories of places they had both known, activities they had enjoyed and the land that they had loved and now missed. Looking out the window at the gardens, it was easy to forget that that world had almost been lost forever.

After what seemed like only a few minutes, they were interrupted by a young nurse who entered and flipped the light switch. Carina hadn't realized that the sun had set and the room was almost completely dark, and the sudden change made them both jump. "Excuse me," the girl said as she turned around. When she saw Carina, her posture straightened. "Oh, I'm sorry ma'am. I didn't realize that was you. I'm afraid visiting hours are over. It's time for Cdr. Venture to take his meds."

"Of course, Cindy. I lost track of time." Carina stood regretfully and collected the dishes from their ice cream. "Well, Commander, have a good night. I'm working at EDF until Thursday, but I'll see you on my Friday shift." She smiled at him and turned to go, and was almost out the door when he spoke again.

"Lt. Clark?" She turned to see him looking at her almost shyly. "Would you… come and visit me again?"

The request surprised and pleased her. "Of course I will. I'll try to come back in the next couple of days with more contraband goods, if that's all right with you." She winked at him when she saw Cindy tense at the word "contraband," said good night and headed out, smiling to herself. Commander Venture had been very kind and polite, and after they had gotten past the initial awkwardness of the situation, she had found him surprisingly easy to talk to. He hadn't smiled once that she had seen, but he seemed to enjoy her company well enough. _OK, Stephen, you win._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Venture lay back, feeling a little less gloomy. Lt. Clark had obviously come to him to make the point that Trelaina's sacrifice had saved the human race (and it was a valid point, he admitted,) but she hadn't pressured him to talk about it. And when he had changed the subject, she had let it go and talked to him about unimportant things. It had been nice. Since she had no expectations of him, it had been easier with her to take his mind off what had happened than it had been with Wildstar, or even with his family. He wondered whether they would have become friends if she had served on the Star Force.

She stopped in again Wednesday night, bringing him the last of her ice cream (which was again the most he had eaten all day) but able to stay only about half an hour. Her visit made him feel a little better, and since he had taken his sedative, he hoped he would sleep peacefully. It had been another bad night, however; he was haunted by the dreams that had plagued him every time he closed his eyes since he had first awakened in the hospital.

First thing in the morning had come to be the worst time for him, when the memories of the dreams were fresh in his mind. He didn't want to talk to Wildstar or Nova about it, either. They didn't understand, and anyway, Lt. Clark had told him in confidence that Nova felt responsible for what had happened to him and had asked him to be extra kind to her, and he had resolved to be more positive with them.

So when Nova came in to see him on her rounds Thursday morning, he put on a stoic face and assured her that he was fine. She seemed unconvinced, but gave him his antibiotic and pain medication and drew a vial of blood. Again. They had drawn blood every day so far, and he was beginning to think there was something wrong. He asked Nova about it, but she brushed off his question.

"We need to make sure your cell counts are OK, Mark. Nothing to worry about."

He noticed that she didn't look at him as she spoke, though. "Nova –"

"Mark, it's nothing to worry about. I promise." This time she looked him in the eye. After a moment, her expression became sad, and she sat beside him on the bed. "Are you sure you don't want to talk about what happened? It might make you feel better. I hate to see you so unhappy."

"Nova." He took her hand. "Thank you, but I'll be all right. I just need time."

She looked like she wanted to press the issue, but instead she nodded. "All right, if you say so. But I wish you would talk to _someone_, if not to me."

"I'll think about it. I promise."

She nodded again and checked his temperature. "Your fever is down this morning, anyway. The antibiotics are finally taking effect. I've got to move on, but I'll be back to check on you later."

A few minutes after she left the room, IQ-9 appeared with breakfast. He knew how much IQ hated menial hospital tasks and wondered whether they had told the robot to keep an eye on him. When IQ didn't leave after delivering his food, he questioned him. "IQ-9, did Nova and Doctor Sane send you in here to watch me?"

"The doctor is concerned that you are not eating enough, Mark Venture. I am here to make sure you clean your plate. Then I am to take you downstairs to physical therapy."

Venture sighed, resigned. "All right, IQ, I'll eat as much as I can." The hot cereal was bland and gummy, but he managed to choke most of it down.

Physical therapy made for a change of pace, at least. He was getting tired of looking at the same four walls. And Doctor Sane insisted that it was only a matter of time before he got the feeling back in his legs. The nurses and aides had been in twice a day to do range-of-motion exercises, but he had hopes that physical therapy would help the feeling return sooner. IQ-9 transferred him from the bed to a transport chair, the robot's metal arms an odd sensation under his back.

He was pleasantly surprised when he was joined in the elevator by Sandor, whose chair was also being pushed by a robot. His friend smiled broadly at him. "Venture! Looks like we're in this together today. It's good to see you. How are you feeling?"

"Sandor." The men shook hands. "You look well. How much longer do you think you'll be in the hospital?"

"It's hard to say. Doctor Sane says he doesn't want to take any chances with the three of us – you and me and Homer – and I think he may hold us against our will for a while."

Sounded like the Doc. "Have you seen Homer? I hear he had a rough time of it."

"I haven't seen him, but Nova told me this morning that he's holding his own. She said he must be feeling better, because the night nurse reported that he was flirting with her." He chuckled. "Hey, I understand you had a visit from my friend the other night."

"She gave me the ice cream she brought over for you. She said you weren't feeling well." Did that sound defensive? He hoped not, but for some reason his hackles had just gone up.

Sandor didn't seem to notice. "Yes, I had a bad reaction to a pain pill. I'm sorry I missed dessert. She's a good friend. Did she stay long?"

Venture nodded. "We had a nice talk." A thought occurred to him. "Sandor, you sent her to see me, didn't you?"

Sandor looked away. "I'll admit I did. She didn't really want to – you scared her off when you snapped at her that first night. But she's a good person for you to talk to. I thought you two would enjoy each other's company."

"We did." He couldn't say why, but he decided not to tell Sandor that Lt. Clark had visited him again last night. They had arrived at the physical therapy offices, and the therapists were on their way over. Before they were separated, Mark extended his hand again and said, "Sandor, thank you." He meant it not just for encouraging Lt. Clark to befriend him. Sandor was the only one who hadn't tried to get him to talk about Trelaina. It had been good to have a normal conversation.

The physical therapists worked with him until late morning, after which he was exhausted. It was a good, clean exhaustion, though, not the miserable lack of energy he had been living with for the past few days. He was returned to his room for lunch, which he picked at listlessly, and slept heavily and dreamlessly for a few hours. When he woke, he felt rested for the first time since he'd been back on Earth.

"Welcome back, sleepy head," Nova smiled as she and Doctor Sane entered his room. He tried to smile back at her, but he didn't feel it and he suspected he failed miserably.

Doctor Sane looked at his eyes while Nova checked his pulse. "Looks like our physical therapists did quite a number on you. I'll have to remember to thank them for forcing you to move."

Venture nodded. "They did. It felt good to work my muscles, but it really knocked me out. I was surprised by how much strength I've lost."

"You've been through a lot, Mark," Nova reminded him. "It's going to take time for you to get well. The three of you – you, Sandor and Homer – will probably be here for several more weeks. Sandor is already starting to get restless, although Homer seems contented enough."

The doctor muttered as he tested Venture's flexibility and tapped on his deadened legs and feet. "Sandor wants to go back to work, but nobody leaves here until I'm satisfied that he's healthy. And Homer likes the nurses." He spoke more normally. "You're doing fine, Mark. Still no feeling here, huh?" he ran a pencil up Mark's foot.

"No, Doc."

"Well, I'm going to give it a couple more days before I worry about it. We know there wasn't any permanent damage. My guess is you'll have feeling back by the end of the week. Now I'm off to chase the girls out of Homer's room."

"Thanks, Doc." Venture watched the tiny man exit the room, and turned to Nova, who had his medication ready.

"Your fever's down, but you need to finish your course of antibiotics. You slept so well this afternoon. Do you think you'll need the sedative tonight?"

"I don't know. Maybe I should try to go without it tonight?"

She seemed to think that was a hopeful sign. "Great. If you feel like you need it, ring the night nurse." She hesitated. "Mark, you know we're here for you. All of us."

He sighed heavily. Why couldn't she let him be? "I know, Nova," he said irritably.

She looked at him as if expecting him to say more. "All right." She brightened and changed the subject. "Would you like anything? I can bring you the newspaper."

"That would be nice." He tried again to force a smile. When she returned a moment later with the day's news, she told him that his mother and brother had called and were on their way to visit him, and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

"Nova." He felt badly about the way he had spoken to her. She turned around to look at him. "Thanks."

She nodded and left him to read the news.

The stories in the papers were slanted, of course, to make the military brass and the government look as good as possible. Mark wasn't sure he bought the line the media was being fed about the state of Earth Defense – realistically, it was far too soon after their devastating losses to be prepared to face another enemy – but during his physical therapy he had seen through the window of the offices that there was real progress being made in rebuilding the city. The president deserved credit for that.

When his mother and Jordy arrived a few minutes later, he put the papers aside and did his best to smile at them. He was pleased to see them, especially Jordy, who immediately began telling him about his day. The schools had been closed due to damage from the attacks, and had just reopened today. Jordy was full of stories about his classmates and how they had made it through the deluge.

"Jordy has something for you, Mark. Don't you, Jordy?" their mother prodded the boy.

"Oh, yeah." He slapped his forehead and picked up a box he had brought in. "We made this for you in school today. My teacher knew you were in the hospital."

The box overflowed with papers – drawings, homemade cards and notes from the children in Jordy's class, bearing get-well-soon and thank you messages.

"_You're my hero. I hope you feel better."_

"_Thank you for saving us."_

"_I want to be a soldier like you someday."_

Tears stung Mark's eyes as Jordy told him about each child in his class. Some had lost family members during the attack; others had lost their homes, but they had bounced back with the resilience of the very young. It seemed the children of Great Island were the Star Force's most staunch supporters. "I kept telling them that you were taking care of things, Mark. Everyone knew we didn't have anything to worry about."

"That's great, Jordy. Thanks." Mark put his hand on his brother's shoulder.

There was a knock at the door. Lt. Clark stepped in, smiling warmly, and Mark felt his heart lift slightly. When she saw his mother and brother, she straightened. "Oh, hello Mrs. Venture, Jordy. I'm sorry – I won't interrupt your visit. I hope you're well?"

Mark wasn't sure what to do. He loved having Jordy here and didn't want to ask the family to leave, but he would like to visit with the lieutenant again.

Mrs. Venture looked from Carina to her son and back, and stood up. "No, no – we were just leaving. I want to get supper ready before my husband gets home from work."

"But Mom," Jordy protested, "I was going to show Mark what I learned in soccer today."

"You can show him next time, honey. Pick up your school bag. We'll get some dessert on the way home, okay?"

"Okay. Goodnight, Mark." He looked at Lt. Clark in her Earth Defense uniform shyly. "Goodnight, ma'am."

"Goodnight, Mr. Venture." She saluted him with mock seriousness, and he smiled broadly and saluted back sharply. "Mrs. Venture. Nice to see you again."

"You too, Lieutenant." She bowed. "Goodnight. Goodnight, Mark."

After they left, Lt. Clark turned to Mark, her greenish-grey eyes twinkling. "I love your little brother. And he obviously idolizes you."

"Yes, Jordy's really something." Thinking about his brother put a ghost of a smile on his face. "You're very good with him."

She nodded and perched on the end of his bed as she had the first night she had come. He supposed it was more comfortable than the stiff-looking chair his mother had used. "I have a little sister who's about the same age. I'm pretty good at thinking like a nine-year-old."

_A sister?_ "You should bring her by to meet Jordy. It has to be dull for him, waiting around here while I talk to my parents."

She shook her head. "She's in the US with my father and brothers. She's coming out for a while next summer, but I doubt even Dr. Sane will hold you in the hospital that long."

"Oh." He paused for a moment. "Well, maybe we can find a time for them to play together when she's here." Was that too forward? He felt like they had made a personal connection, but she probably saw him as just another patient. There was no reason for them to be in touch after he was released from the hospital. She gave him a smile that seemed genuine, however. It registered in the back of his mind that she had a nice smile.

"That will be great, as long as you're not off saving the world again."

"Mmm. Let's hope the need for that is over for a long time." A robot entered with his supper, another unappetizing-looking bowl of soup, with a soft piece of bread and more pudding. He thanked the robot but sighed as "she" set the food on his bed tray. His stomach was fine. If they wanted him to eat more, why did they continue to give him this awful food? As Lt. Clark adjusted her posture to make room for dinner, he noticed for the first time that she had brought a bulky book with her. "What's this?"

She blushed and looked at her hands as though she were embarrassed. "Oh. We were chatting the other night about the places we remembered back home, and I dug this book out. It's just old photos of trips we took when I was a kid, but I thought you might like to see some of them. I sneaked the book from my parents' house when I came to the academy, and had almost forgotten I had it. You don't have to look if you don't want to."

Pictures from home? Sounded like fun. He was touched that she'd thought to bring them. "I'd love to see them. Ours were all lost when the Gamilons bombed our area. We weren't able to get all of our belongings underground before we were hit." She moved to sit on the edge of the bed beside him. As he ate, she began to turn the pages in the photo album, telling him stories about the pictures, and he responded in kind, talking about his own childhood. They'd had similar upbringings, it seemed. She showed him pictures of the Atlantic Ocean, blue-grey behind a line of yellowish sand; the lakes of Maine; the White Mountains in the fall, with the leaves brilliant gold and red; his own New York State; and the rolling hills and old-fashioned farmhouses of Pennsylvania. Throughout were images of a young family: a smiling, red-haired mother and balding, dark father, with two dark-haired, dark-eyed boys mugging for the camera while their redheaded baby sister looked on adoringly; later, the girl trying to imitate what the boys were doing, flexing her tiny arm muscles as the boys posed as strongmen, a black dog with a white ruff at their heels. When the girl in the pictures was about 12 years old, the photo album came to an end. There were no more family vacations after the Gamilons started bombing Earth. Her sister had been a bit of a surprise when she was 14 years old, she told him. The two sat quietly for a few moments, and he realized with surprise that he had eaten his entire supper while they talked.

"I guess we were lucky to experience Earth's beauty before it was gone," she said quietly. "I'm glad Dad is still around to see the plants and animals make their comeback. He was always a nature lover."

"And your mother?" Venture asked gently. He suspected he already knew the answer.

Lieutenant Clark stared out the window. "She got the radiation sickness when Katie was three years old. She died a couple of months before I came to the academy. That was what really finalized my decision to join Earth Defense." She looked down at the floor. "I worry about Katie, living there with all those men and no mother. Not physically," she added when she saw his startled look. "But Dad's getting older, and the boys don't always know how to deal with her. A girl needs to have a woman she can talk to. That's why I have her spend most of the summer with me. Not that I'm the girliest girl, by any stretch of the imagination, but I think it's good for her to get some female influence."

"I'm sure you do her a world of good," Mark said. It made him feel selfish, seeing how she handled herself despite her losses. "Lieutenant," he asked, "how do you do it?" At her questioning look, he went on. "How did you stay so cheerful through all your loss? I feel like I'll never be happy again."

She put her hand on his arm in a comforting way, her sympathetic eyes warming his heart. "I've been where you are, Cdr. Venture, believe me. You've just suffered a terrible loss, not to mention that you're in the hospital without use of your legs. You have the right to be unhappy. I couldn't function for weeks after Daniel died. Honestly Commander, there are still days when I can barely get out of bed, and sometimes I feel like I'm sleepwalking through the day. That's why I love working with the boys in Analysis – they make me laugh and I don't dwell on myself so much when I'm with them. And working in the hospital forces you outside of yourself. But even though it's gotten easier, when I go home at night I'm alone, and it's rough."

He was looking at her intently, and she chuckled at herself. "Sorry. I babble when I get uncomfortable. I guess what I'm trying to say is: I think the best thing you can do for yourself is get better and get back to work."

He hadn't meant to make her uncomfortable, and put his hand on hers in an attempt to make her feel better. "No – that helps a lot, really. It's good to know that you understand how I feel. I didn't mean to make you feel awkward."

He was relieved when she smiled at him again, albeit sadly this time. She patted his leg and said something about visiting hours ending soon, which he didn't quite catch because he had felt… _something_… when she touched his leg. He looked at her, shocked.

"What's wrong?"

"Could you do that again? …Tap on my leg."

She did, and there it was again. Not a normal sensation, but a slight tingling or prickling, as though his leg had been asleep and was just beginning to wake up. It must have been written on his face, because she looked startled and asked, "Did you feel that?"

When he nodded, she stood quickly. "I'll get the nurse," she said, and left the room.

As she exited, Mark poked at his other leg. It was there, too – pins and needles.

Lt. Clark came back in the room, followed closely by Nova. "Mark! Your legs?"

He gulped and nodded at her. "I'm not sure what it is, Nova. But I feel like they're waking up."

Nova turned to Lt. Clark. "Carina, I'm pretty sure Dr. Sane is still in the building. Could you go and find him?"

"Of course, Nova," the lieutenant answered, and ran from the room again.

"Mark, can you wiggle your toes?"

He tried, but couldn't move any part of his legs or feet. Nova told him that was nothing to worry about. She was glad she was still here tonight, she said excitedly – she was waiting for Wildstar to meet her when he was done for the day at Earth Defense. Good luck that she was here for his recovery.

Doctor Sane flew into the room, dropping his coat on a chair. "Venture! What's this I hear about your legs?"

"Doc, I'm not sure. I still can't move them, but I think the feeling is coming back."

"Hmmm. Close your eyes," the doctor told him, and proceeded to tap on his legs and feet, testing whether Mark felt the sensations when he couldn't see that he was being touched. Finally, he dragged his pen up Mark's feet again, and smiled when his toes twitched involuntarily.

"Well," he said, "I think you're back in business. We'll worry about you moving them on your own later. For now, I'm satisfied that you're on the mend."

Nova was beaming at him. "That's wonderful, Mark!"

He nodded, feeling a little stunned. "Thank you Doc, Nova. I don't know what to say."

"No need to say anything," Doctor Sane pronounced. "Just keep getting better. Get a good night's sleep, and we'll see what the physical therapists can do with you in the morning." After looking at Mark's eyes and taking his pulse, he turned and picked up his coat. "It's been a long day for me – I was on my way out to feed my cat when Carina came to get me. I'll talk to you tomorrow." The doctor waved and exited.

"Carina," Mark said. "Oh, Lt. Clark." He looked around for her, then spotted her hovering outside his door. He reached his hand out to her and she came in the room. "Thank you for everything, Lieutenant. Everything you've done means so much to me."

She grinned at him. "I don't think I really did much, Cdr. Venture, but I'm glad you're on the road to recovery." She looked at the clock. "It's getting late, and I'm working tomorrow. I'd better head out as well. Have a good night, and I'll see you in the morning." She picked up her book, said good night to Nova and left for the night.

Nova was curious. "What were you two talking about for so long? Carina was in here with you for quite a while."

"Just talking," he replied. "We grew up not too far from each other, before the planet bombs. We were talking about life when we were kids, things like that. She's been through some hard times, but she handles it well. She seems very nice." It was the most he'd said to her at one time since he'd been awake, a fact which didn't escape Nova's attention. She eyed him shrewdly.

"She is nice. She and I were close when we were at the academy. She's a good person for you to talk to, Mark. The two of you could help each other."

He felt his face twist into a half-smile. "That's what Sandor thinks."

"Well, we can't both be wrong."

They were interrupted when Derek Wildstar stepped into the room. "There you are, Nova. The nurse at the desk didn't know where you had gone." He put his hand on his fiancée's back. "How are you feeling, Venture?"

They told Wildstar what had happened. "Venture, that's great!" He said, shaking Mark's hand. "Congratulations! And I'm glad you're both here, because I have more good news for all of us. The Council has decided that, in order to test the repairs and upgrades they've made to the Argo, she's going to be used as a training ship for the new graduating class of cadets. She'll make a six-week voyage to simulate space battles and wartime conditions. The good news is that the entire Star Force has been assigned to lead the training. We're all going to be together again."

"Derek, that's wonderful news!" Nova's eyes shone at the thought. "The bridge crew, together on a peaceful mission."

"That is good news, Wildstar," Venture said. "When does the mission leave? Is there enough time for Homer, Sandor and me to recover before the ship takes off?"

Wildstar nodded. "Almost a month from now. We'll leave the day after the graduation ceremony." Mark had heard that the ceremony, normally held in December, had been pushed back until after the New Year because of the war.

As they discussed how many cadets they'd be taking on, and speculated on whether they knew any of them, the excitement of the day began to catch up with Mark, and he yawned. Nova noticed and took Wildstar's hand. "Come on, Derek. Mark needs to rest. You can talk to him tomorrow."

They said their good nights and left Mark alone. He really was tired, he realized, and thought that Lt. Clark was right. He had been distracted tonight and had hardly thought of Trelaina at all. He fell asleep hoping that he was distracted enough to get through the night peacefully, but once again he was haunted by dreams of Trelaina. In tonight's version, they were together on Earth as it had been before the Gamilons attacked, and when she ran away from him she was killed by a planet bomb. Again it seemed she would rather die than stay with him, and again he woke several times with tears running down his cheeks.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Carina also woke with tears on her face that night. It had been months since she'd had the nightmares, Daniel wasting away in front of her, just out of her reach. In the dreams, if he'd only agreed to seek treatment a day earlier, she would have been able to save him. And tonight, Mom was in her dreams too, still alive but suffering all these years as she had before she died. It occurred to her when she woke up that maybe she had hidden the family pictures away for so long because they were a trigger.

The dreams continued most of the night, leaving her feeling tense and headachy. She finally gave up at about 0600 and got out of bed. She had plenty of chores to occupy her until it was time to go to work – she had been neglecting the housework for the past few weeks. She couldn't stop thinking about her mother, though, and decided to call home. It would be evening there, close to supper time. She put on a tee shirt and shorts and pulled her hair back into a pony tail, and punched her father's code into the video phone.

The screen came on to reveal the living room in her father's apartment. Her sister Katie smiled into the screen, her dark hair bouncing. "Cricket!" Carina grinned at her use of the family's nickname for her. "Hi! What are you doing?"

"Hi, Katie!" The girl's enthusiasm always made her feel better. "You look good! Is Dad around?"

Kate nodded. "He's cooking supper. I'll go get him." She returned a moment later with their father, who was wiping his hands on a dish towel. Carina noticed that he looked tired, as he did so often these days. He brightened when he saw her, however. "Carina! This is a nice surprise."

"Hi, Dad. I was just thinking about you guys, and I got a little lonely. Thought I'd check in."

"That's great, honey, but I'm afraid now isn't a good time. We're about to sit down to eat."

"Chicken soup and biscuits," Katie added. "I helped make the biscuits."

"Oh… Good for you, Kate." Carina felt her heart sink. She wanted to talk to them now, but Dad had never fully recovered from losing Mom, and she wouldn't upset him by telling him that she had called because she was missing her. But then an idea occurred to her. "Dad, I have some time off this weekend. Would it be okay if I come to visit for a couple of days? Maybe celebrate Christmas a little early?"

Katie jumped up and down. "Yes yes yes yes yes, please Dad?"

The aging man put his hand on his young daughter's shoulder. "Of course you can come home. You don't have to ask. Just let me know when you'll be here, and we'll be waiting with open arms." She heard the oven's timer ring, and he looked over his shoulder.

"Great, thanks, Dad. I'll make the arrangements and let you know what time I'll get in. Go ahead and eat supper. I'll see you in a couple of days."

"Yay!" Katie never disguised her feelings.

"See you soon, Kate. Go have supper," she smiled.

"OK. 'Bye!" The girl reached toward the phone and the screen went black.

Carina sighed. That hadn't been as satisfying as she'd hoped, but at least she'd be able to spend time with them this weekend. She threw herself into cleaning the apartment, and by the time she finished, it was time to get ready for work. She enjoyed working the mid-day shift, but knew that after getting out of bed so early, she'd be worn out by the end of the night.

It was lunch time when she started her shift, and she made her rounds to deliver meds to the patients and check their vital signs. Homer Glitchman was eating soft foods now, she noted. His color was better than it had been a few days ago, as well. She changed his dressings and brought him a cup of chipped ice. When she stopped in Stephen's room, he was writing in a notebook. She chatted with him briefly, but he was more interested in whatever it was he was working on than in her. Finally, she crossed the hall to Mark Venture's room.

She found him staring out his window again as he had been the first night they spoke, but when she knocked on his door, he responded right away. He looked sad and had dark circles under his eyes. "How are you feeling today, Cdr. Venture? I saw that the doctor was happy this morning with the progress in your legs."

"I'm all right, thank you, Lieutenant. It's beginning to be frustrating, not being able to move freely." He sighed. "I think it's worse, now that I've regained some feeling. I'm getting tired of this room."

She looked at the drab blue walls critically. "Yes it's not very scenic, is it? But feeling antsy is a sign that you're getting better. You know your case is… unprecedented, so we didn't really have an idea of how long the healing process would take. You're moving along steadily now, though."

"Mmm. I wiggled my toes this morning." He snorted wryly, which made the corner of her mouth turn up. "Good for me."

"That _is_ good for you! Well done!" She applauded him. That didn't quite elicit a smile, but possibly a glint of humor in his eyes… Still, he seemed to have had a setback since last night. She moved to take his temperature and ran her hand across his forehead gently. "Are you really all right? You seem down today."

He looked at her as if deciding what he wanted to tell her, then said, "It's nothing. I had bad dreams last night, that's all. They've stayed with me."

"I can understand that." She nodded and waited expectantly, but when he didn't say anything else she didn't press him for details. If he wanted to tell her about his nightmares, he would. She checked his chart. "Maybe you should try the sedative again tonight. I'll clear it with Dr. Sane this afternoon." When he agreed, she went on. "OK, now I just need to draw some blood, and I'll be out of your hair. You look like you need rest."

He looked at her sharply when she mentioned drawing blood. "Is it OK?" she asked. "Are you having trouble with the blood draws?"

He hesitated for a moment, then relaxed and extended his arm. "No, it's fine. Go ahead."

"Are you sure?" If he was having issues with them drawing his blood, she should tell the doctor, but he assured her that there were no problems. He winced as she inserted the needle into his arm, though, and she noticed that it was becoming quite bruised. She wondered how much longer Dr. Sane would go on testing Cdr. Venture's blood every day, and decided to ask him this afternoon. If he wasn't drawing any conclusions from his tests, and from what she understood he was not, then why put the patient through it?

"There," she said when she was done. "Now, do you think you'll be able to rest this afternoon? The painkillers should help to relax you, but I can bring you some tea or warm milk if you're afraid you'll be restless again."

"Thank you, but I think I'll be fine," he answered. "Physical therapy seems to work better than a sleeping pill for me. I wouldn't have thought my muscles would weaken so quickly."

"Yes, that tends to catch people by surprise. OK, I'll see you later." She ran her hand over his forehead and cheek one more time. His temperature was still slightly above normal, but it had stabilized. She gave him a soft smile and left the room.

The conversation left Carina with an unsettled feeling in her stomach. Cdr. Venture had seemed so much better last night. He must have slept very badly, the poor guy. She sighed as she realized she was beginning to play favorites with him as her patient. She worked hard not to do that, but he was different from the other two on the floor. Homer might be in worse shape physically, but he was happy as long as the nurses and the nursing students flirted with him. And Stephen was wrapped up with planning the next great engineering feat for Earth Defense in his head. He was glad to be left alone.

Mark Venture, on the other hand, was obviously in need, but that wasn't what drew her to him. She genuinely liked him. She felt as though they had already become friends, and looked forward to talking with him at the end of the day. She wondered whether he felt the same way.

Doctor Sane had been in surgery since early morning, and checked in at the Intensive Care nurses' station before he went home for the night. "How are the men, Carina?"

"Doing fine, Doctor. They may even be ready to move to another floor soon."

"I don't know about that. As long as these rooms aren't needed by anyone else, I'd like to keep them up here. It's nice and private, and I can keep a better eye on them here, too." It was true that the ICU was more private and protected from the press than the lower floors of the hospital. Carina didn't blame the doctor for wanting to shield his friends from the photographers who lingered around the hospital grounds, eager to supply the magazines with exclusive shots of the surviving Star Force crew.

She remembered that she wanted to talk to him about Venture. "Doc, Cdr. Venture is having nightmares. Do you think we could give him another sleeping aid tonight? He looked pretty wrecked this afternoon."

"Nightmares, huh? I guess I'm not surprised. I'll write up an order for a stronger sedative that will help him sleep through the night. Was last night the first time he's had them?"

She thought about it, and couldn't remember him mentioning them prior to that afternoon. "It's the first time he's complained about them, but if I had to guess, I'd say he's probably been having them all along. They could be playing a part in keeping his mood so low."

"Hmmm." He had finished writing the scrip and was looking at her thoughtfully. "Carina, I'm going to ask you to do something for me."

"Okay." She was a little confused.

"It's obvious that Mark Venture trusts you. You're the only one he's opened up to at all – he'll barely talk to me or Nova, and even Wildstar can't get much more than a few words from him. It hasn't escaped anyone's notice that the two of you have connected." When she started to protest, embarrassed, he held up a hand to stop her. "Now, now, there's nothing wrong with that. You lost someone you loved, too, and he'd rather talk about it with you than with a happily engaged couple or an old cat-lover like me."

"Sure, Doc, I guess so. You want me to talk to him?"

He nodded. "You know about those alien cells in Venture's blood. I want to know what happened when he was with Trelaina. Even if it doesn't give me the answers I'm looking for, talking about it may help to move his healing along. I need you to ask him to try to remember what happened."

She sighed. "Doc… I'll talk to him. Of course I will. But – meaning no disrespect – if he doesn't want to tell me, I won't push him. And I'm going to tell him why I'm asking. If he does trust me, I won't jeopardize that trust."

He looked at her with respect. "I wouldn't ask you to, Carina. But try, OK?"

"All right, Doc. I will."

The day passed uneventfully, and after she had finished her evening rounds and updated the night nurse on the patients' conditions, she returned to Cdr. Venture's room. This time when she walked in, he was reading a book, a giant leap forward from staring out the window. She rapped on the door jamb. "Anything good?"

"Oh," he started. "It's a copy of an old book I had when I was a kid. My father found it for me. It's about the old explorers here on Earth. You know, Magellan, Frances Drake… This book inspired me. Traveling into the unknown, discovering new lands... I spent a lot of time as a boy dreaming over this book, and I had sort of lost myself in it before you came in." His cheeks turned pink. "That probably sounds silly." He marked his place with his finger and flipped it closed. The book was a real antique, she saw, with a drawing of sailing vessels traversing its blue cover.

It was good to hear him sounding more cheerful than he had earlier. "Not at all," she grinned. "I lose myself in books all the time, and that one sounds like fun. In a sort of nerdy, future-great-space-jockey way," she amended. "Listen, Commander, can I talk to you?"

"Of course you can." He put the old book aside. "What's up?"

She had been thinking all day about how to approach the subject, and had decided that being straightforward was the best option. She sat in her spot on the edge of the bed and hesitated for a moment, then spoke softly and carefully. "Commander, I want you to know up front that Dr. Sane asked me to talk to you tonight. But I also want you to know that I'm here… because I like you and I want to be here. I don't want you to think I've been spending time with you only because your friends asked me to." She was uncomfortable with what she was saying, and her words came out faster and faster. "I mean, Stephen asked me to talk to you that first night, but that's it. I enjoy spending time with you, Commander. I feel like we've become friends, and I don't want to jeopardize that by having you think that I'm… That I'm shilling for someone to try to get information. I want to be sure you trust me." She forced herself to stop talking, knowing her cheeks must be bright red.

His expression was gentle, amused. "I trust you, Lt. Clark – you don't have to worry about that. And I appreciate you telling me that Dr. Sane sent you to me tonight. What is it he wanted you to talk to me about?"

He sounded sincere, and he wasn't laughing at her. She relaxed. As gently as she could, she asked him, "Cdr. Venture, do you mind telling me – and if you don't want to tell me it's fine – but can you tell me anything about what happened when you were with Trelaina?"

He tensed, looking away, and it took him a few moments to open his mouth. Just when she was about to tell him to forget it, he spoke, his rich baritone voice flat and unemotional. "I don't know. I don't know whether it was… a dream… or whether I was conscious part of the time. I know she told Wildstar and Nova that she brought me back to life, and I remember – I think I remember – her talking to me, maybe holding me," – the rims of his dark eyes filled with tears, and he paused to pull himself together – "and something else." He looked at her squarely. "I think she might have given me an injection or an IV of some kind. Some sort of medicine, or… the phrase 'life force' keeps coming to my mind. Does that help? I don't know exactly what happened. And then I think she saw the Argo fighting Zordar, guessed what Wildstar was going to do, and brought me back there." His face filled with despair. "I just don't know. I feel like it's at the edge of my memory, like a dream that I can't quite remember. I think about it all the time. Why can't I remember?" He was getting agitated, and she put her hand on his, wanting to comfort him.

"I'm sorry. You don't have to say any more. Please – I'm sorry." Her own eyes had filled with tears, and she blinked them back and turned to face the window.

"No – no, please don't cry. I didn't mean to upset you." After an awkward silence, he squeezed her hand and asked quietly, "Can you tell me why Dr. Sane wanted you to talk to me?"

She shook her head. "He wants answers so he can move forward with your treatment, I think, plus I'm pretty sure he thinks talking about it will make you feel better. But if what you told me doesn't satisfy him, he can try to drag it out of you himself. I told him I wouldn't push you."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. I appreciate that." He looked at her for a long moment. "I also appreciate what you said earlier – about us becoming friends. I feel that way too, but I wasn't sure about saying so. You might treat all your patients as well as you treat me."

Blushing again, she looked down with a soft smile. "Thanks, Commander. And, uh… I don't. Just so you know." It felt off, somehow, calling him by his honorific at this point. She asked awkwardly, "So… Since we're friends now, do you think we could drop the formalities, at least when I'm off duty? Call me Carina?"

An odd expression passed briefly over his face, but then he smiled gently. "Of course, Carina, if you'll call me Mark." She nodded. Feeling awkward, she picked up the book he had been reading and flipped through it idly. He watched her for a moment, then spoke again. "Can I ask you something now? You told me that your mother's death made you decide to come to the academy. What would you have done with your life if you hadn't joined up?"

The change of subject surprised her. She sat up straighter and pushed a couple of stray strands of hair from her face. "Would you believe I wanted to be a musician? A famous singer, maybe a pianist. When I was a kid, what I really wanted was to join the old USO, traveling around the world singing sentimental tunes for the soldiers. I'm not sure how old I was when I realized that the USO didn't exist anymore, and even if it did, the soldiers wouldn't want to hear the schlocky old songs I wanted to sing."

"Really? That's… I never would have guessed." He looked amused. "Do you play now?"

"Yep, I sometimes do services here in the hospital chapel, and I play with Earth Defense's women's jazz band. One of the things we did right, I think, was keeping the military bands going even when everyone was living underground. The concerts helped raise morale and kept the civilians' minds off things."

"Sounds like I'm not the only nerd here." Teasing – that was a good sign. "How did you manage to learn about music during the war?" Since this would be a longer conversation, she asked him to slide over a bit, swung around to sit beside him and leaned back against the raised head of the bed, her knees drawn up. She pulled the extra blanket over her legs so her nurse's uniform wouldn't leave her exposed.

Her father had been a historian specializing in twentieth-century culture, she told him. She had spent long hours during her childhood watching old films and listening to recordings of old music, especially the films and music of the World War II era, and had learned as many of the songs from that time as she could. The other children had mostly thought she was strange, but her school music teacher had taken her under his wing and encouraged her love of music. After the planet bombs had driven them underground, she had continued to search the archived holdings of the city's library and cultural center to expand her knowledge.

When she had taken the requisite vocational aptitude tests in high school, she had scored off the charts in the logic and analysis sections, and Earth Defense had started recruiting her. Her parents had convinced her that it was in her best interest to apply to the academy, and that she should consider studying analysis and development. Analysis and music used the same logical part of the brain, they had reasoned, and since Earth Defense maintained its military bands, she would have the opportunity to continue with her music. She had applied to please them, but had no intention of following that path. The idea of going to war was abhorrent to her.

When Mom had become sick, though, she had rethought her position. Maybe working for Earth Defense would actually be the best way to use her talents. Helping the Earth to achieve peace and finding a way to reverse the destruction wasn't the same thing as going to war. And when Mom had died, she had made her decision. As much as she loved to play and sing, she wanted to do what she could to prevent more innocent deaths and improve the lives of the survivors.

"So that's my story, Mark. I guess in our own ways, we've each fulfilled our nerdy childhood dreams." She rapped his leg with the book, and he grinned and took it from her.

"I'm not exactly sailing the seven seas…"

"…And I'm not exactly traveling with Bob Hope. But close enough." It was nice to see him smile. Now that he was returning to health and his color was getting better, she could see that he was really a very handsome man. His black hair was thick and curly, his brown eyes large and expressive. He had a good heart, too. She was sure that if he was stationed on Earth after he returned from his upcoming mission, he would meet a young woman who would help him to get past his experience with Trelaina. She hoped so. She would like to see him happy.

They sat in silence until the evening nurse poked her head in to let them know that visiting hours were over, looking at them strangely when she saw Carina sitting beside Venture on the bed. As she stood, he spoke again. "Hey, Carina?"

He was looking at her intently, his head cocked. "Thank you. I appreciate everything you've done for me." She started to demur, but he held up a hand and went on. "Please, let me say this. There were times when I didn't think I'd make it through this week. Talking to you – it's helped so much. I want you to know that." He paused, suddenly shy, and looked at the sheets. "I want you to know how much your friendship means to me."

Touched, she took his hand in both of hers and said quietly, "Thank you, Mark." He looked up at her and their eyes locked. His gaze was warm, and as she looked into his eyes she felt a hint of something she hadn't felt in over a year. It made her uncomfortable. She cleared her throat and took a step back, saying lightly, "I'd better get out of here before they chase me out. I'm on the same shift tomorrow. See you then." She squeezed his hand and walked out, a little shaken, wanting to curl up with a bowl of soup, a stiff drink and a sappy old movie.

The stars were appearing from behind cloud cover when she set out for home. Carina had never realized how much she had isolated herself after Daniel died. It had been so nice this week to sit and talk with someone. She had always been something of a loner – she'd never been particularly comfortable with other women, and prided herself on her independence – but it hadn't occurred to her until this week that Stephen had been right: she was lonely. Mark Venture was so easy to talk to. Not the way she joked with the boys at work, or even the way she talked to Stephen, but really _talking_. And he was attractive. There was no denying that. It was only natural that she had felt a momentary spark between them – they had spent so much time together this week, and so much of it had been very emotional. But he was safe. She knew he wouldn't expect anything from her, and she had nothing to feel guilty about.

"Oh, Daniel," she said to the sky, now a dark velvety blue sprinkled with twinkling pinpoints of light. "You're okay with this, right? He's a good man, but he's not you. I miss you, honey, and I'll always love you. But I think I need a friend."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Mark Venture relaxed in bed, waiting for his sedative to take effect. He looked out at the night sky and thought about Carina Clark. He had been awkward around girls when he was growing up, and at the academy, although he had dated occasionally, he had quickly discovered the hard truth that the young women who hung around the cadets' club were more interested in fast-flying fighter pilots than in students of navigation, with their calculations and star maps. Not that he minded terribly. He had never wanted to be with someone who only liked him because he was a "hero," and one-night stands were not an option for him.

Nova had been the first woman his own age he had ever really been _friends_ with, but still it had taken time for him to be completely comfortable with her. He'd also had to get past the idea that she might be "the one" for him. But Carina… He'd been able to talk freely with her from the beginning. She was kind, funny and awkward in a way he found touching, and he felt completely at ease with her.

_It's kind of like having a sister, I guess,_ he speculated drowsily as he watched the stars emerge from the clouds. It was obvious when she talked about him that she still loved her late fiancée very much, and she had told him she was content to be alone. And his own heart was raw and bleeding from Trelaina. He didn't care to risk feeling this way ever again. There couldn't be anything more than friendship between them – that must be what made it easy and relaxed.

Not that she wasn't attractive. He was a man, and he wasn't blind – she had a lovely face, her eyes were amazing, and of course he had noticed her curvaceous figure and the shapely legs that emerged from the too-short skirt of her nurse's uniform, but his appreciation would go no further. The brief spark that had passed between them tonight didn't change that. She'd felt it, too, he was sure of it, but the fact was that he wasn't her Daniel, and she wasn't Trelaina.

_Trelaina_. He sighed. He was all right as long as he didn't think about her, but he couldn't seem to help himself. He'd thought she was dead after she'd destroyed Telezart– she hadn't seen fit to let him know otherwise. But not only was she alive, she saved his life. He reached into his mind and tried to remember more about the time he'd spent with her after he'd been wounded. He could come up with only vague impressions – senses, rather than details. It didn't make sense. She'd told Derek and Nova that she loved him, but then she'd left him again. It was no good to pretend she hadn't. He tried to sort through it all, but he was so tired. Maybe he'd try again tomorrow.

Although he slept more soundly that night, Mark continued to dream. His nightmares were even worse, now that he knew what to expect from them. He was miserable from the time the dreams began, knowing that Trelaina was about to reject and leave him. Still, he woke only once or twice, and in the morning felt slightly better, having finally rested.

The physical therapists drove him until he was completely exhausted again. Now that he had regained some feeling in his legs, they pushed him harder and harder to get those muscles to cooperate. He managed to bend his ankle and knee, an advance which everyone found promising. In addition, the therapists kept working his arm muscles, to give him increased mobility until he could walk again. He returned to the ICU tired but satisfied.

On the floor, he asked the robot that was returning him to his room to stop in front of Homer's door. He hadn't spoken to the communication officer since they'd been back on Earth. The two of them had argued quite a bit during the trip to Telezart, and Mark felt badly about it. Homer could have a hard time dealing with stress, as they had discovered when his father died while they were traveling to Iscandar. He had resented it when Mark began commandeering the radio to get a fix on Trelaina's location, and had become more and more agitated as Mark and Trelaina had become close. Mark knew he should have ignored Homer's comments, but he had allowed himself to become aggravated and they had snapped at each other frequently. Now that they were both in the hospital, it seemed so petty and unimportant.

He knocked on the door frame and wheeled his chair in. "Homer?"

"Venture!" The head of Homer's bed was inclined. "How are you feeling? I've been hearing about your miraculous recovery." Mark rolled over to him and shook his hand. He didn't look too healthy, Mark thought – he was pale and his grip was weak, but he had a smile on his face.

"I'm doing all right. How are you? Forgive me, but you don't look that great, Homer."

Homer nodded. "It's been slow going, but they tell me I'm on the road to recovery now. I can't wait to get out of this bed." He eyed the wheelchair enviously. "At least you get to move around. You officers, always one step ahead of the rest of us."

"You'll get there. Be patient," Mark said. "Listen, Homer… I want to apologize to you for the way I acted on the Argo. I should have talked to you about finding Trelaina's location, instead of ordering you around. You were right – I was trying to impress her, and I stepped on your toes to do it. Thinking of all the friends we lost makes me realize how childish I was acting. I'm sorry."

Homer put his hand on Mark's shoulder. "I was no better, Venture. I thought I would never forgive myself when we thought you were… gone. It made me look at things very differently. I'm sorry, too."

The two men nodded at each other, putting the past behind them, and Mark changed the subject. "Did Wildstar tell you about our new mission? We'll all be able to work together without worrying about flying into battle." They chatted until the nursing cadets came in, ready to fuss over Homer until lunch time. Not in the mood to listen to their giggling, Mark shook Homer's hand again and retreated to his room.

* * *

Carina drank a cup of tea and scanned the newsfeeds before dressing for work. The media almost always portrayed the government and the Defense Council in a positive light; in return, they were given access to documents which would otherwise have been classified. But at least the Star Force was being treated as heroes again. When they had taken off in the fall, it had been a very different story. Much of the lower echelons of Earth Defense had trusted Wildstar and the rest of the Star Force; Carina had known that Stephen Sandor would never have taken off without good reason, but the media had reported that the Argo's crew had flipped their lids.

She read the latest reports on the reconstruction projects and rolled her eyes. She knew they were exaggerated Not only had the Earth Defense Forces been essentially wiped out in the battle at Saturn, but the damage from Zordar's attack was worse than reported, and the deadlands from the Gamilon War still covered more ground than any official would admit. Outside of Earth Defense Headquarters, however, no one knew the truth. The civilians were happy to accept the government's propaganda without question, since it made them feel safe.

The misinformation on the reconstruction didn't really hurt anyone, but in addition to underplaying the damages of the war, the government was turning a blind eye to situations that needed to be rectified. The colonel had sent Carina the minutes from the Council's debriefing session, and she could hardly believe what she saw. No one wanted to deal with the main causes of the high casualties in the battle at Saturn: the need for stronger armor on the bodies of the ships; the short firing range of the Earth Defense ships, which had been about half that of the enemies'; and the maddening fact that all other weapons were essentially useless for several long minutes before a wave motion gun was fired, since as much energy as possible had to be routed into the powerful weapon. In addition, Earth's battle satellites had proven woefully ineffective after the enemy had broken through the line at Saturn.

Instead of working on these issues, the Council wanted the design team to focus on developing computerized modules that would eliminate the manpower needed to run a ship. It was true the number of recruits was down, but removing the human element was not the solution to their problems. The Argo was the least computerized ship in the fleet, and also the only ship that had survived the battle at Saturn. There was something to be said for that.

She and the colonel had discussed these points, and he agreed with her. However, he told her, the Council consisted of a bunch of "middle-aged fat cats" who only had their own interests at heart. They and their families were the first to be evacuated to safety during an emergency, and they would never see combat. They didn't worry too much about how many soldiers were killed as long as they were able to get reelected.

Those same fat cats were being portrayed as great leaders by the press. What was worse, the newsfeeds were reporting the defeat at Saturn as though it had been the fault of the dead. If the fleet had followed proper protocol, they claimed, going through General Stone and the council instead of following the orders of the rogue Captain Gideon, it would have been properly prepared for battle. Nothing for the citizens to fear – the president and the council had things under control. There would be no more threats to Earth from outer space.

Disgusted, Carina made a decision. She logged onto her classified EDF account and printed the report from the debriefing. Stephen should see this, she thought. He was the most brilliant man she had ever met, and if he could ruminate on it while he was in the hospital, she felt sure that he would come up with a way to set the council on the right course, even if it meant sneaking changes in under the radar, so to speak.

She got to the hospital a few minutes early for her shift and headed straight for Stephen's room. "Carina! I wasn't expecting to see you this early. The other nurse was just here."

"My shift is about to start, but I wanted to talk to you first." She dropped the bulky envelope on his bed. "You didn't get this from me, but listen, Stephen. The government is burying its head in the sand. The council has no intention of improving the radar and weaponry of the fleet – their great plan is to automate our defense, to remove humans from the decision making process altogether. I want you to take a look at this report, and think about solutions that will actually solve the problems we have."

Sandor smiled. "You're becoming quite the rebel leader. I knew my influence would be good for something." He glanced at the report and became more serious. "Wildstar told me about this meeting. I understand it was pretty unproductive. I'll be interested to read the notes."

"Just don't let anyone know you have that, all right?"

He nodded. "Don't worry. I have a secret hiding place." He looked up at her. "Hey, I hear you and Venture have become quite chummy. I was right, wasn't I?"

She made a face at him. ""Yes, you were right. Don't you people have better things to gossip about?"

"No, you're pretty much it. There's not a lot of action going on in the ICU."

"Well, at least try to keep it to a minimum, will you? It's embarrassing. See you later." She ruffled his wiry hair and walked out as he laughed.

After reviewing the morning's developments with the on-duty nurse, Carina checked on Homer Glitchman. She greeted the nursing cadets who were huddled around him and asked him how he was feeling. "Better, thank you, ma'am," he replied. "Do you think I could have some solid food today? The cadets said they would help me."

Checking his chart, Carina rolled her eyes and smiled. "It's too late to change your lunch order. Let me check with the doctor, but I don't see why you can't try it for supper tonight. If the cadets are willing to help you." The girls giggled, and Carina rolled her eyes again as she exited. She stopped at the nurses' station to confirm that Homer could upgrade his dinner selection and moved on to Mark Venture's room.

He was engrossed in the book he had been reading last night. Knowing that he would be irritated by the giggling young cadets, she chirped, "Good morning, Cdr. Venture! How are you feeling today?" Venture cringed and looked up, startled, then gave her a dirty look.

She gave him her most charming smile and moved to check his pulse, temperature and blood pressure. "How _are_ you feeling today, Commander? Did you sleep better with the sedative?"

He nodded. "I only woke up a couple of times. It helped, thank you. And look at this," he added, indicating his legs. There wasn't a lot of movement, but she could see that he could now move his feet and bend his knees a little bit. She grinned and gave him the thumbs-up.

His seemingly high spirits faltered when he saw her pull out the needle to draw his blood. She remembered he'd had the same reaction yesterday. She asked him, "Are you sure you're not having a problem with the blood draws, Commander?"

He hesitated, then shook his head. "Not a problem, Lieutenant. I just – I don't understand why you keep taking so much, and every day. Is there something wrong with my blood? Am I sick? No one will tell me."

Carina opened her mouth, trying to decide what to tell him. The halls were crowded, and she knew she had to be careful. "You're fine, Commander. We just have to make sure your blood cell counts are where they should be."

"But I'm not bleeding," he protested. "And I don't have internal injuries, do I? Why –"

"Commander," she said more forcefully, "there's nothing wrong with you. I promise." She raised an eyebrow at him and briefly shifted her eyes to the open door, where the cadets were walking by. Why weren't men better at silent communication? After a moment, he seemed to resign himself and nodded.

"All right, Lieutenant. I'm not sure how much I have left, but do your best."

Carina blinked when she saw the bruises on Venture's arm. "I'll try to be gentle."

He flinched when the needle entered his arm, and she sighed. "I have to talk to Dr. Sane anyway," she said. "I'll speak to him about maybe cutting back. This is ridiculous."

"Sure, Lieutenant. Thanks."

Carina delivered the vial to Dr. Sane's secure lab locker, then went and rapped on his office door. He looked up from his glass of "spring water" and nodded at her. "Come in, Carina. I was wondering when you were going to stop by."

"Thanks, Doc. You might know that I talked to Mark Venture last night," she said, getting straight to the point of her visit.

The doctor nodded. "Yes, he told me you had spoken." He polished his glasses and tilted his head at her, his tiny pinpoint eyes considering her. "I think it did him some good, Carina. He was more talkative today than I've seen him, although he still didn't tell me what I need to know. Do you have some information for me?"

She nodded and relayed their brief conversation to him, including as much pertinent detail as she could remember. She did not tell him how emotional Mark had been – that was private. Dr. Sane listened intently, thinking. "Hmmm. She gave him a transfusion." He nodded. "That makes sense." He said this to himself, then turned to her. "Trelaina was… Luminescent? That's probably the best word to describe her. She glowed. I mean, actually _physically_ glowed," he added when he saw Carina's blank expression. "She gave off her own light. If she gave Venture a blood transfusion, that explains those strange cells in his blood."

"But they're fusing to his red cells. The count hasn't gone down at all. I'd have thought their number would be reduced as he recovered." Carina thought about this. "She found a way to give him a part of herself, permanently?" She realized the details about Trelaina that had gotten out were sketchy, and wondered what else she didn't know about her. The more she learned, the more astounded she was.

"I guess she did." Doctor Sane was silent for a moment. "I'll have to keep monitoring it."

"But Doc," Carina said, "he really needs a break. Have you seen his arm? The bruising is too much."

"I'll admit I haven't asked him how he's been handling the daily needles. You could be right," he agreed. "I guess I could monitor it once a week. It's not as though testing every day is giving me particular information."

"Doc, listen," she pressed, "he's also concerned about why his blood is being drawn every day. Do you think I could tell him what we talked about?"

The doctor considered this. "I guess so. He should know why I'm keeping such a close eye on him." He paused again. "Thank you, Carina. It's good for him to have someone looking out for him."

"Thank you, Doctor." She blushed as she headed back to the nurses' station to write up her reports, deciding she would visit Cdr. Venture again after work and talk to him about Trelaina.

At the end of the day, Carina headed straight for Venture's room. He was reading his book again, but when she knocked softly, he responded right away. "Hey, Mark," she said. "Talk for a few minutes?"

For the first time, she saw a genuine smile on his face, one that reached his eyes. It made her heart skip a beat. "You're becoming a regular visitor, Lieutenant. I'm beginning to look forward to the end of the day."

_Is he flirting?_ Amused, she decided a grimace with an eye roll would be the best response. Closing the door, she tugged her skirt down and took her favorite spot on the side of his bed, a little nervous about the conversation they were about to have. "I wanted to talk to you about your blood work. I'm sorry I couldn't say anything this afternoon – it's sort of classified, and the walls have ears. But Doctor Sane gave me the OK to discuss it with you."

He leaned forward and nodded. "You – you or Nova – have drawn blood every day, even though I keep hearing how much better I am. Nova won't tell me anything, and Doctor Sane keeps putting me off. Is there something wrong with my blood?"

She wanted to be straightforward with him. "Not _wrong_, exactly, but _different_. Remember you told me you thought Trelaina had given you an IV of some kind?" She took his hand. "There's an element to your blood we can't identify. We suspect she gave you a transfusion. Doctor Sane has been analyzing your blood every day. Your red and white blood cells have returned to basically normal levels, but these 'X' cells have remained at a steady level by blending or fusing with your red blood cells. And these cells, they seem to have a vitality, and they're… _luminous_." She could see understanding dawning in his eyes, and she spoke as gently as she could. "We can't be sure, since we don't really know what happened. But Mark, it looks like Trelaina gave you some part of herself. A piece of her will be with you forever. It was her gift to you."

As she spoke, she watched him try to control his emotions. He spoke softly, his voice betraying his feelings. "I wish she hadn't given me a 'gift.' All I wanted – all I ever wanted from her – was for us to be together. She told Wildstar and Nova that she loved me." He turned to her. "If she loved me, why wouldn't she stay with me? We could have had a fine life together on Earth."

Carina had actually thought this question through and decided to answer him honestly, despite the fact that he probably wasn't looking for an answer. She spoke slowly, carefully, not wanting to say the wrong thing. "I think, Mark, that maybe you aren't considering the larger picture as Trelaina saw it. She understood things differently than you did. She probably sensed that if she had come to Earth, she would never have had any peace. You know Earth Defense as well as I do, and you know she would have been poked and prodded and analyzed over and over again. What kind of life would that have been for her?"

"I could have protected her from that." He realized right away that wasn't true. "Or I could have gone to live with her. You told me that you turned down a commission on the Argo to stay with your fiancée. Don't you believe that love is the most important thing we have? The most important thing in the universe?"

He didn't know how her decision to stay on Earth had torn her apart. "I do believe that. And I did stay behind, but I'm not saying it was the right thing to do. I was young, and I couldn't imagine being without Daniel for a week, never mind for a year. I'm not proud of that decision – it was the easy way out for me. Trelaina made the difficult choice so that you wouldn't have to. Could you have left your family, your brother, to live in isolation? Could you have left your position with EDF, really?"

He considered this, and hung his head. "No, I know I couldn't have done that – but if she had loved me, we would have found a way. If she had loved me –"

_If she had loved him?_ What was he talking about? She moved closer, reached under his chin and tilted his head up until he was looking her in the eye. "Mark," she said very softly, "Trelaina loved you. Everything she did was out of love for you. She fought for Earth to survive because she saw the best of Earth in you, and she saved you so you could continue to share her message, her love, with the world. Commander Venture, I am absolutely certain that Trelaina loved you with all her heart."

She watched as his eyes filled with tears and finally overflowed. Her heart ached for him, and she blinked back tears of her own. She reached out gently to brush a tear off his cheek, but when she extended her arm, he leaned in until his forehead rested on her shoulder. Surprised, she put her arms around him and began stroking his back to comfort him. He was warm and had a clean, masculine scent; without thinking she closed her eyes and buried her face in his shoulder, inhaling deeply. She felt his arms snake around her and grip her tightly, and he began sobbing. "Shhhh." She murmured comforting sounds in his ear and rubbed his back, letting him cry himself out. Hearing the door open, she looked to see Nova standing there, concerned. Carina gave her a small nod and mouthed to her, "It's OK." Nova hesitated for a moment, looking torn, then nodded and backed out, closing the door behind her. Carina would stop on the way out and tell her what had happened.

Mark cried for what seemed like a very long time, finally letting out all the feelings he had been holding inside. When his tears subsided, he pulled back. She handed him some tissues from the box on his bedside table, waited a moment for him to say something, and finally asked, "Are you all right?" She kicked herself for the ridiculous question, but didn't know what else to say.

He nodded and wiped his face. "I am all right, thank you. I feel a little foolish, to be honest," he said, looking down. His voice was steady, though still thick with tears. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, Lieutenant."

He looked her in the eye, and the pain on his face tore at her heart. "No, of course not – not at all," she replied, wiping the hair from his damp forehead. She forced herself to lighten her tone, although she still spoke gently. "But could you for crying out loud call me by my first name, please? I'm pretty sure the etiquette books say that once you've wiped your nose on someone's shoulder, it's OK to dispense with the formalities."

He made a choked sound that might have been a laugh. "Thank you… Carina." He shrugged. "I'm sorry – I'd offer to wash your uniform for you, but I'm having a little trouble getting to the laundry."

_He made a joke!_ "I think I can manage, but thanks for the offer, Mark." She tilted her head and considered him more seriously. "Really, are you going to be all right tonight? Visiting hours are almost over. I'd hate to leave you alone if you're upset."

"I'm all right." He put his hand on hers. "I promise. Mostly I'm tired. Weary."

"Okay, if you're sure. Nova's on duty tonight. I'll make sure she looks in on you." She sat with him, holding his hand, until Nova herself poked her head in, indicating that it was time for Carina to go. "I guess I'd better head out." She stood up. "Good night, Mark."

"Good night, Carina." She gave him a kiss on the forehead and turned to leave, not seeing his eyes follow her out of the room.

Nova was absent from the nurses' station. Carina left her a note asking her to check on Mark a few extra times that night, then walked home. She was beginning to see real progress on the reconstruction of the buildings that had been damaged in Zordar's attack. If there's one thing we are as a race, it's resilient, she thought. Mark Venture would be all right, eventually. She offered up a quick prayer for his recovery as she replayed the night's events in her mind. She felt protective toward him and wished she could have stayed with him to make sure he was all right. She also knew that it was a very bad idea to become emotionally involved with a patient. It was all very confusing.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

The next morning Carina was to fly to the United States. With Wave Motion technology it only took a couple of hours to fly halfway around the world, but commercial flights still tended to be cramped at this time of year, and it was best to wear loose-fitting clothing. Carina had chosen a deep green sweater and a black skirt that fell to mid-calf: comfortable for travel, but also festive. The family had worried about her since Daniel had died, and she wanted them to see that she was doing better now.

She rose after a night of confused dreams, her conversation with Mark still on her mind. It occurred to her as she dressed that she hadn't told him she was going away today, and not wanting him to think that she was avoiding him after his emotional display, she decided to stop at the hospital on her way to the airport to say good bye to him.

It was a beautiful morning and there was plenty of time before her flight, so after she dressed she drove to a newly-opened cafe near the hospital for breakfast. She bought a cup of tea and a muffin and sat with a gossip magazine by a window overlooking the rising sun. There was a picture on the magazine's cover of Dash Jordan having dinner with a young lady. No wonder Doctor Sane wanted to keep the wounded Star Force members in the most isolated unit of the hospital. She had just begun to read when a shadow fell on her table. "Carina?" She looked up.

"Nova, hi!" She hadn't expected to see her friend this morning. Nova was still wearing her nurse's uniform and looked exhausted. "Did you just get off work?"

Nova nodded. "One of the morning shift girls called in, and I had to cover until her replacement showed up." She carried a cup of coffee and a pastry. "Do you mind if I join you?"

"Of course not. It's such a beautiful morning; I decided to enjoy the sun."

Nova wore a flowing tan jacket over her uniform. She draped it over the back of the empty chair and sat. Looking out the window she said dreamily, "Mmm. People don't realize how close we came to losing this. Again." She sighed. "I guess that's just as well."

The two women sat sipping in silence, watching the sun rise higher over the low morning clouds. Carina's thoughts again drifted to Mark Venture. As if reading her mind, Nova spoke. "Carina, I want to thank you. For what you're doing for Mark."

Carina started. "Oh! He's breaking my heart, Nova. He's such a dear man, and I can't stand to see him tearing himself up."

"He is a dear man. I don't know what you said to him last night, but he talked to me more after you left than he has since he woke up. He's coming out of himself, Carina. He wanted to know what happened to the crew members we lost when he was wounded, and he asked me all about the survivors as well. We even talked about you." Carina blinked, wondering what the commander might have said about her. "Whatever you told him, he listened. That's why I wanted to say thank you – because you've helped him… and also, because I know you won't hurt him."

"Nova, I…" Carina wasn't sure what she was implying. "Of course I would never hurt him, but we're friends, that's all. You know it's nothing more than that, right? He didn't say –"

"No, of course not, I know you're just friends. But he does think of you as something special, and I can tell you feel the same way about him. That's what he needs." She sighed again. "How do I say this? Mark is Derek's best friend, but they've also always been rivals, and sometimes Mark ends up in Derek's shadow. Derek was Captain Avatar's favorite. The captain hand-chose him to be his replacement." She paused for a moment. "And Derek also got me."

Carina felt a strange twinge of jealousy as her eyebrows rose. "Nova… Is Mark in love with you?"

She shook her head and smiled. "No, Mark's love for Trelaina is real. He did have feelings for me at one time – I knew he did, and I ignored them. I suspect it was a sticking point between him and Derek for a long time. But by the time we left our solar system on the way to Iscandar, I knew Derek was the only man for me. And honestly, Carina, let's face it: I was the only woman on the bridge of the Argo for the trip to Iscandar and back. I would be surprised if any of the men _hadn't_ had a crush me. Do you know, IQ-9 actually proposed to me once?"

Carina giggled. "No! Really?" She had never thought about Nova's situation as the only woman on the bridge of the Argo. As the only woman on the _ship_ during the Star Force's more recent mission. "Okay, point taken. So my friendship with Mark…"

"…Gives him something that's his own. It's something that he doesn't have to share with Derek, or the rest of the Star Force." She quickly added, "I don't mean to imply that that's the reason he cares for you. Not at all. I'm not saying this very well – I'm exhausted. But I do think it's part of the reason you're good for him. And he does care for you, quite a lot."

Carina blushed warmly. "Thanks, Nova. It's good to hear you say that. I care for him quite a lot, too. I hope someday he's able to find someone who makes him happy." She looked at her watch. "Listen, I've got to go. I have some loose ends to tie up before I go to the airport, and you look like you could use some shut-eye. I'll see you in a few days."

The friends stood and stepped outside. "Have a good trip," Nova said. "By the way, you look great."

Carina looked down at her outfit and smiled. "Thanks. Doing the Christmas thing for the family." She waved and walked the short distance to the hospital.

* * *

Mark Venture had spent a lot of time thinking after Carina left him. He knew he had been taking his unhappiness out on his friends, and decided it was time to make more of an effort with them. When Nova had brought his meds, they had talked for a long time. He hadn't told her anything about Trelaina, but they had talked about the last few days of the war, and about the other surviving Star Force members. They had even talked about Carina. He was starting to feel like himself again.

That night, his dreams of Trelaina had taken a different turn. This time, instead of laughing and walking away when he reached for her, she fell into his arms. He had a moment of happiness before she pulled away from him. "Mark, I love you," she had said. "I will always love you, and a part of me will always be with you. But it's not possible for us to be together." In the dream, they had both begun to cry. "Forgive me, my darling." She had kissed him softly and gently, and left. When Mark woke from the dream, he was sad, but not despondent.

He woke early the next morning feeling better than he had since Trelaina had destroyed Telezart. It occurred to him that it was Sunday, and close to Christmas. He knew his family was coming to visit today, and he called to ask them to come early and bring him to church. He did have a lot to be thankful for. Dad was asleep when he called, but he and Mom were both thrilled that he wanted to go to Mass. They brought Jordy and took him to the early service in the hospital chapel in a wheelchair, then ate breakfast in the cafeteria.

The family had realized that he wouldn't be out of the hospital by Christmas and, while IQ-9 returned him to his bed after breakfast, brought several boxes of decorations to his room. He wasn't sure he was in the mood for Christmas cheer yet, but since decorating seemed to make Jordy and his parents happy, he let it go.

Dad was putting a small tree into a stand and Jordy was showing him the garland he had made from popcorn and cranberries when the sound of Carina's voice made his heart leap oddly.

"Hey, Mark," she began, but she stopped short when she saw the family in the room with him. "Oh, hello. How are you folks?"

Mark was glad she was here – he had hoped to see her today to let her know that he was feeling better. When he turned around to look at her, however, his jaw dropped and his breath caught in his throat. She was wearing a civilian outfit that clung to her curves, and the color of her shirt set off her eyes and made her skin glow. Her red hair was down, flowing in soft waves over her shoulders. He had never seen her out of uniform before, and she looked stunning.

His father smiled at her, apparently not affected as Mark was. "Nurse Clark, it's nice to see you. You're not working today?"

"Oh," she glanced down at her traveling outfit. "No, sir, I'm going to the States to visit my family for a few days. We're celebrating Christmas early because I'll be working here Christmas Eve and Christmas Day."

"Good for you. I hope you have a wonderful trip," his mother said.

"Thank you. I'm looking forward to it," Carina smiled at her, and then turned her smile on Mark. "I stopped in to let you know I'm going. I didn't want you to think you'd scared me off."

He couldn't seem to stop gaping at her, and from the corner of his eye he saw that his brother was looking at her strangely as well. She looked from him to Jordy and frowned. "What?"

His mother saw the expressions on the boys' faces and sighed. "I think what my sons are trying to say, Lieutenant, is that you look very nice."

"Oh," Carina faltered as she looked back at Mark. He felt another charged current pass between them as he remembered the way her arms had felt around him the previous night. She must have felt it too, as she blushed and dropped her eyes. "Um, thanks," she stammered.

Finally Mark shook his head and pulled himself together, not wanting to embarrass her. "Sorry," he said sheepishly. "Just surprised to see you in your civvies. Thank you for letting me know you're going to be away. I probably would have thought I'd run you off."

She smiled at him. "No need to worry about that. But I will need to head to the airport pretty soon." They continued to grin at each other.

Jordy finally spoke up. "Where does your family live?"

Carina jumped a little, as though she had forgotten the boy was there. "I grew up not too far from where your brother grew up in America – just a few hours by car." She addressed his parents. "I can't wait to go back and see how the reconstruction is coming along. And to see my family. I miss them very much."

The boy was intrigued. "Do they have snow there? Will you bring back some pictures of it?"

"You know, I'm pretty sure they do have snow. I'll see what I can do." She winked at the boy, and he beamed.

"Do you have a large family, Lieutenant?" Mrs. Venture asked. Mark tensed, wondering if he should try to stop their questioning.

"Fairly large, ma'am. My mother died from the radiation sickness before I came to the academy, but Dad is still alive. I have two older brothers working on the reconstruction projects, and a sister who's about Jordy's age. I haven't seen them since the Comet Empire attacked, so you can imagine I'm anxious to spend some time with them."

"I'm so sorry about your mother, dear," Mrs. Venture said sympathetically. "It must have been hard for you without her."

"Thank you, ma'am. It was hard, but my dad and I are very close, and my brothers are great. I did better than a lot of people." Mark hoped his mother wouldn't press her, but she didn't have the chance. Carina turned back to face him. "I really do have to go."

He didn't want her to leave before he had a chance to talk to her privately. "Wait," he said. "Can you stay one more minute?"

When she agreed, he turned to his parents. "Mom, Dad, would you leave us alone for a second?"

Mom had been watching the two of them closely since Carina had entered the room, and stood right away. "Of course. Jordy, let's go down the hall and get a drink. Goodbye, Lt. Clark. It was nice to see you."

Dad added, "Enjoy your time off with your family."

Carina said goodbye to his parents and saluted Jordy, then took her spot on his bed. "Sorry for the third degree," he chuckled. "Mom doesn't usually do that. She might try to adopt you, now that she knows you don't have family in the area."

She smiled. "That would be OK. I love your family. What's up?"

He took a deep breath, becoming serious. "I wanted to let you know that I thought about everything we talked about last night, and I realized you were right. Trelaina, she did love me. She did want us to be together, but she sacrificed herself so the rest of us could live." He felt himself becoming choked up. "She wouldn't have wanted me to give up. I know that now, and I'm going to try harder from now on."

She reached out to take his hand and squeezed it tenderly. "Mark… I'm so happy to hear you say that. When you told me last night that you thought Trelaina didn't love you, I was shocked. It never occurred to me that you felt that way, because it was so obvious to me that she loved you so very much."

He nodded. "I realized last night that what Trelaina and I had was… It was special. And even though we weren't together very long, some people go their whole lives without finding what we had."

She turned her hand to lace their fingers together, putting her other hand on top of his. "It doesn't matter whether you were together for a day or for a lifetime. You're right – what you felt for each other was true love. I can see that. No one can ever take that away from you. Never forget it."

It was nice, sitting with her like this. He wanted to talk more with her, but his eyes fell to the watch on her wrist. He squeezed her hand and let it go regretfully, clearing his throat. "Do you need to leave? I don't want you to miss your flight."

She checked the clock. "Oh, gosh, you're right," she said, and jumped up. "I'll see you in a few days." She kissed him softly on the forehead and he caught a quick scent of her perfume, light and sweet. "Take care, sweetie." She waved at him as she headed out the door.

Mark watched her go. She was really something. In the short time he'd known her, he'd told her things he had never told Wildstar or Nova, and hadn't had the chance to tell Trelaina. He had even cried in front of her, but she accepted all of it and hadn't laughed at him. He felt as though he'd known her forever.

She had helped him to come to terms with losing Trelaina, as well. It was less painful to think about Trelaina today. He continued to mourn her, but was no longer devastated. Thinking about the time they had together now gave him a warm, if sad, feeling, instead of making him feel desperately lonely. He tried to set a permanent picture of her in his mind: her long blonde hair, her sad blue-green eyes… Although he saw her perfectly in his dreams, it was becoming harder and harder for him to remember what she looked like when he was awake.

His thoughts were interrupted as his brother ran back into the room, followed by his parents. "Mark, I brought you a glass of tomato juice!" Jordy said happily. Mark smiled and thanked him. He'd always found the kid's enthusiasm contagious.

His mother looked around the room. "Did your friend leave?"

"Yes. She'll be gone for a few days."

"She's a nice girl, Mark." He nodded uncomfortably, hoping she would let the subject drop. It wasn't like his mother to pry into his personal life. He was thankful when Dad walked over and put his hand on her shoulder. "Help me put the lights on the tree, Dear?" He steered her toward the tree and winked at Mark over his shoulder.

Having eaten a large breakfast, Mark declined lunch that day, but by the time they had the strings of lights untangled, it was time for his mid-day meds. Doctor Sane entered the room, along with a young nurse – Mark remembered that her name was Cindy – and a cadet who was working on the floor. The cadet gave him a dimpled smile. "Hi, Cdr. Venture. I brought your meds. Oh, your room looks so pretty!"

"Thank you, nurse." It was impossible to not smile at the girl. He took the pills that she brought him and sat quietly while she took his vital signs. The nurses seemed nervous to be in the room with the doctor, and moved on to their next patient quickly. Dr. Sane, who had been chatting with his parents and Jordy, asked the family to excuse them for a few minutes and turned to Mark. "How are you feeling today, Venture?" he asked as the family exited the room.

"Better today, Doc." The doctor gave him a piercing look. "Really, I feel better." He sighed. "I've come to terms with things, I think. I'm ready to start moving forward." He was starting to feel extremely self-absorbed, and wished he didn't have to keep talking about himself.

"Mmm, all right," the doctor nodded. "Let's see how you do moving those legs today." As Mark struggled to bend his hips and knees – it was easier than it had been even the day before, but still very difficult – Dr. Sane made notes on his clipboard. "Carina Clark talked to you, didn't she? Told you why I was checking your blood so often? Your legs are doing fine, Venture. Let me check your reflexes."

Mark relaxed and let the doctor tap on his knees and manipulate his joints. "Carina did tell me about the blood work. She helped me to understand a few things."

"Yes, well, she's a good person for you to talk to," the doctor said distractedly as he looked at the bruising on Mark's forearms and continued to make notes. It was the same thing Nova and Sandor had said. "You're lucky to have her looking out for you. She convinced me that your veins had taken enough abuse. I still want to monitor your blood, but I think once a week will do the trick." He looked Mark in the eye. "Carina and Nova also won't tell anyone about your… situation. I don't want Earth Defense to treat you like a guinea pig. If you think you feel like a pincushion now, imagine what it would be like if I let them get their hands on you."

"I know, Doc, believe me. I appreciate everything you've done for me."

Doctor Sane nodded. "You do look better today, and your movement is improving steadily." He opened the door and motioned for Mark's family to come back in the room. In response to their questions, he told them, "I'm happy with the way he's coming along. He'll be running marathons in no time." He turned back to Mark and asked if he wanted to get out of bed and spend some time in the wheelchair. "Give your family a hand decorating – don't make them do all this hard labor by themselves."

Mark agreed happily, and Dr. Sane and his father helped him into the chair. Having even this limited amount of mobility was freeing, and he joined in the decorating with more enthusiasm than he would have expected, even singing a verse or two of a carol with Jordy. When they were done, he had to admit that the room looked a thousand times better than it had with its drab bare walls. He wasn't exactly feeling festive, but the lights and colorful garlands made him feel like a kid again.

Before he knew it, the afternoon was gone and it was time for dinner. Mark was surprised the time had passed so quickly. Spending the day with his family had taken him outside of himself. He hadn't thought about Trelaina all afternoon, and he felt almost normal.

Mom and Dad packed to go home. They offered to take him to the cafeteria for dinner, but it was the first time since he had awakened from his coma that Mark had gone all day without a nap, and he found that he was exhausted. He thanked them, but he wanted to eat in his room and then go to sleep. He thought he would try going without the sleeping aid tonight, as well. "Dad, Mom, thanks for spending the day with me," he said, shaking his father's hand and kissing his mother on the cheek. As his brother walked by the chair, Mark grabbed him into a bear hug. "Jordy, I love you, buddy," he told him. The boy blushed and rubbed his head, confused, but had a huge smile on his face. "Love you, too. See you tomorrow!"

After the aides served Mark his supper in his chair, he decided to roll across the hall to visit Sandor. He found his friend sitting at his desk, looking over a report. "Sandor," he joked, "What does it take for you to take a day off?"

Sandor looked up and smiled. "Venture, you look great. So much better than you did the other day."

"Thanks. You're looking well yourself. How much longer do you think you'll be in the hospital?"

Sandor rolled his eyes. "I don't think Dr. Sane is going to let any of us out in the near future. He's trying to force the bridge crew to take a vacation. I had an infection that made me weak, but even though I'm feeling much better now, he says he wants to keep me here to be safe."

"But you've found a way to get some work done." _Ever the engineer._

Sandor looked at the papers in his hand. "Mmm hmm. Carina Clark brought me this report. Do you know that the Defense Council still insists on computerizing the defense fleet, even after what happened at Saturn? They didn't begin to learn their lesson and they're not planning to do anything that will be a real improvement."

Mark shook his head. "They'll never change, will they? Wildstar told me about the debriefing with the Council." He grinned wryly. "So you've convinced Carina to be on your team, working for the mutinous underground?"

"No, she came to me. She understands what the Council is really like and wants to help."

Mark steered the conversation away from Carina, not quite comfortable talking to Sandor about her. "Do you think if you talk to them the Council will listen to reason? The Commander has a lot of faith in you."

"I doubt it," Sandor said. "The Council is under the thumb of General Stone, and you know how he feels about the Star Force. But I might be able to sell them on some ideas that will satisfy both sides. Hopefully I can make them see that even the best machines require human intelligence to function properly."

"If there's anything I can do to help…" After the Star Force's recent experience, Mark had lost his respect for the Defense Council. He no longer had any qualms about defying them.

"Thanks," Sandor nodded. "I'll probably pick your brain to see what improvements you think could be made to the navigational systems."

The two men continued to discuss the situation until the nurses came in with Sandor's evening meds. They sent Mark back to his room, where a robot was waiting to return him to bed. The nurses brought him his pills a few minutes later, and he fell asleep almost immediately.

His dreams that night were pleasant. Trelaina spent time with him, talking to him and reassuring him that she would always be with him. "Mark," she told him, "don't let your life end because we cannot be together. You have so much love to give. Someday you will be ready to share it again."

He shook his head disbelievingly. "No. Trelaina, I'll never stop loving you."

"I know you won't, my darling." She smiled and stroked his cheek. "And I will never stop loving you. But your love is great. It will take time, but when that time comes, do not be afraid to share it with another."

Instead of arguing the point with her, he pulled her into his embrace. "I don't want to think about that," he said, burying his face in her hair and breathing in its scent, vaguely familiar, light and sweet. "We're together now, aren't we?"

"Yes," she said, snuggling into his arms "We are together now."

He awoke feeling calm and contented. He almost felt as though she had really communicated with him. She was gone, but for now he could live with seeing her in his dreams, he thought, as he drifted back to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Carina flew home on Wednesday night relaxed and happy. She had spent three days with her family, talking, eating and laughing. The trip had been wonderful; the one downside had been seeing how much her father had aged since she last saw him. Her brothers had told her that Dad had started to get dotty in the past year and it was obvious they were right. Still, he adored Katie and the boys were there to help if he needed anything. Carina knew that she would have to do something about it eventually, and wondered how long it would be before she could no longer ignore Dad's issues.

Since Zordar's dreadnought hadn't struck North America, the family had been largely unaffected by the war. On Monday the boys had taken her on a tour of the rebuilt and replanted area, which had expanded and improved vastly since the last time she had seen it. The entire family had taken the day off on Tuesday, and they celebrated Christmas together.

On Wednesday morning she had loaded a refrigerated crate with fresh fruits and local foods and gotten ready to return to Great Island. At the last minute, she had a thought. "Hey Kate, do you have a freezer box? I want to take some snow home for a Christmas present."

"Don't you have snow yet?"

"No, and I have a friend with a little brother your age who's never seen snow. I told him I'd bring back pictures, but I think the real thing would be better, don't you?"

Kate grinned. "Is it your friend Maaark's little brother?"

_Wow, _she thought._ Did I talk about him that much?_ Well, she had spent most of the previous week with him, and to be honest, she missed him. It made sense that he would dominate her conversation. Ignoring her sister's implication, she said, "Yes, and I told him that you and Jordy should play together when you come out next summer. You guys will like each other." That redirected Kate's interest, and she began questioning her sister about the boy. Carina smiled. She was on the hook now – Kate and Jordy had better hit it off.

After having breakfast with Dad and Katie at the airport, Carina slept through the flight home. It was late at night on Great Island, and she fell into bed, slightly jetlagged.

She dragged herself out of bed early Thursday morning to unpack. When she took another look at the fresh produce she had brought home, she realized that her eyes had been bigger than her stomach. She would never be able to eat all of it herself. She had a shift at HQ today, but it was early enough to do a little cooking, and she was looking forward to seeing Mark… she decided to bring him breakfast. He probably hadn't had a good American meal in years.

She entered his room with an attitude of false cheer, hoping to get his goat. "Breakfast time, Mister Venture!" She stopped, shocked, when she saw him. "Holy cow!" she exclaimed before she gained control of herself. He looked like a completely different person. He was sitting in a wheelchair, wearing a standard-issue Earth Defense pilot's outfit instead of the hospital pajamas she was used to seeing him in. His color was markedly better than it had been a few days ago, and his hair looked damp and ruffled, as though he'd had a regular shower, rather than the awkward grooming provided by the robot aides. He smiled broadly, happy to see her. "Sorry," she grinned, "just surprised to see you in your civvies. You look phenomenal, Mark. You made so much progress while I was gone – I should stay away from you for good."

He blushed at the compliment. "Don't you dare. If it weren't for you, I'd still be sitting in that bed feeling sorry for myself. Besides, I missed you."

It was Carina's turn to blush. "Well… Thanks," she said awkwardly. She remembered the bag of food in her hand and held it up enticingly. "Hey, I brought you a hearty New England breakfast. Interested?"

His eyes lit up and moved to the bag. "Really? For me?"

"Yeah… Well… My family loaded me up with local foods, and I thought I'd share the wealth. Because I missed you, too," she explained as she unpacked the insulated boxes from the bag and arranged two place settings on the room's desk. Mark rolled himself to the makeshift table, and she filled their plates: fresh blueberry muffins she had made that morning, maple-cured bacon, hydroponically grown strawberries and sliced apples, fresh-squeezed orange juice and a pot of tea. Nothing fancy, but all foods that were difficult to find on Great Island. She hoped he would enjoy them.

"Wow – I'm speechless. It looks wonderful," he said hungrily. "Thank you so much. How was your trip?"

"Oh, it was great. I've already got my sister excited to meet Jordy, so you can't renege on your promise of a play date next summer." She told him about her visit as they ate. He listened to her talk about her family as he ate greedily, only interrupting to comment on the food (the look he gave her when she told him she had made the muffins from scratch that morning made her blush from head to toe. She had to admit, it was nice to have a good-looking man pay attention to her.) He laughed at her stories of her siblings, and offered sympathetic support for her concerns about her father and sister.

When he had finished eating, he leaned back with his cup of tea and patted his stomach, sighing. He asked her how reconstruction was progressing in North America. "Has the land been successfully reseeded far beyond New Boston? I know the cities from Boston to Atlanta have been rebuilt, but what about the rural areas?"

She nodded. "It's getting there. My brothers flew me out to see the expansion. The human population is concentrated in the cities, as it is here, but they're planting more acreage in the hills and, as you can taste, cultivating more farmland every day. The land is starting to reseed itself naturally, as well. There are saplings and wild plants sprouting up everywhere. And I saw families of white-tailed deer, and tons of squirrels and chickadees while I was there. The planet is starting to heal."

Glancing at the clock, she began to collect the remains of their feast. "And so are you. I can't get over how much better you look."

He took a final sip of tea and put down the cup. "Yes. I can get myself out of bed now, and my legs are mostly doing what I tell them to. I can't put much weight on them yet, but I hope to take a few steps soon. It's strange, having to learn to walk again."

"I'm sure. Listen, Mark, I've got to go to work, but can I come see you later?"

"Please do." He reached over and squeezed her hand. "My nights have been lonely this week."

His flirtation sent a disconcerting thrill through her body. She squeezed back quickly and let go of his hand, picking up his teacup so she could wash the dishes in the cafeteria at Earth Defense. "Good to hear," she joked, flustered. "Hey, have you been outside yet? It's a beautiful day. Maybe we could go out and walk the grounds tonight."

"I'd love to," he smiled. "I'll see you tonight."

"I'll come by after your supper time."

She made her way to Earth Defense Headquarters, feeling that all was right with the world. She had gotten quite a bit of work done when she was in America – jet lag was good for some things – and felt that she was actually ahead of schedule for the week, hoping to be able to take it easy today. The expression on Col. Okajima's face when she walked in, however, told her she would have no such luck. The Old Man looked disgruntled, and she knew that usually meant long meetings and fruitless arguments were on her calendar.

Today was no exception. She attended a Council meeting with the colonel in the morning, although he cautioned her not to speak. He wanted the Council to know who she was, he said, but he didn't want her to get in trouble. The Council didn't like smart girls. She had been in regular communication with Stephen and had passed his ideas regarding the automated fleet along to the colonel, but the Council wasn't willing to hear any of it yet. Carina spent most of the morning biting her tongue.

The afternoon brought crisis after crisis, as the young Earth Defense trainees struggled to learn to use the system. At least helping them kept her busy, she conceded. When she was idle, her thoughts kept returning to Mark. His mood had improved so much in the few days she'd been away… It almost seemed to her as though he was putting on an act. They'd had a good time this morning, and she looked forward to spending more time with him tonight. She'd get to the bottom of it when she saw him.

By the end of the day she had a headache and was cross-eyed from debugging the cadets' mistakes, and she couldn't wait to get out in the fresh air. She grabbed a snack in the cafeteria and headed over to the hospital.

Mark was waiting for her in his wheelchair. He greeted her, looking a little uncomfortable. "Listen, Carina, I was thinking. You know there are photographers hanging around outside the hospital, hoping to get photos of the Star Force members who are still here." She nodded. "If you take me outside, there's a good chance they'll snap some pictures of us together, and your name could be linked to mine in the rumor mill. I don't want you to have to go through that – if you'd rather not go out for a walk, it's fine with me. I can always get my parents to take me out."

At first Carina was amused. To be linked romantically in the gossip rags to one of the world's great heroes? It would make life interesting, to say the least. But then it occurred to her that he himself may not want any speculation about a romance – real or imagined – to be published. Or was he worried that she wanted something more than friendship from him? She hadn't meant to give him that impression, but maybe bringing him breakfast this morning had been a step over the line.

"Mark," she began carefully, "I think you're a wonderful guy. Really wonderful. But you know that I'm not looking for any romance in my life, right? I think we've talked about that." He nodded, and she went on. "And, correct me if I'm wrong, but I have the sense that romance is the last thing you want right now, either." He nodded again. "So I guess my feeling is, as long as we both know that there's nothing like that going on between us, I don't care what anyone else thinks if you don't. But if the idea makes you uncomfortable, we can stay in."

"No," he looked relieved. "It's fine with me. You hit the nail on the head. Carina, I think you're wonderful, too. But… Like a sister, you know? Family." He faltered at the end, blushing a little and rubbing his head. "Uh…" Carina imagined he had the same thought that she had: that comparing her to a sister was a little… creepy. Neither one of them may want a relationship, but she could tell he was attracted to her, as she was to him. She couldn't come up with a better analogy than the family one, though, so she simply squeezed his shoulder. "I know what you mean." He smiled at her gratefully, relaxing again. "Shall we go?" he asked, and she nodded.

As they traveled down the hall, Carina cleared her throat briskly. "Well. I'm glad we got _that_ awkward conversation out of the way."

He chuckled and looked up at her. "Do you ever _not_ say whatever you're thinking?"

She smacked the back of his head playfully. "Watch it, space jockey. I could switch your meds, you know."

He laughed out loud as they passed the nurse's station, and the night nurse looked up, startled to hear the sound coming from him.

* * *

The fresh, cool air felt better than Mark could have imagined. Moving from the circulated air of the Argo directly to the circulated air of the hospital probably hadn't done him much good, he thought. It was nice to be outside with the land green and growing. He had been in space, on the incredibly dull assignment of piloting transport ships between bases, for the better part of a year after returning from Iscandar, and had barely been home from that assignment when they had taken off for Telezart.

Carina led him along the trails that had been built on the hospital grounds, helping him by pushing where the ground was uneven. They stopped at the furthest point from the hospital and she turned him to face the sunset, sitting beside him on a bench. The sight was beautiful, the low clouds glowing crimson and orange beneath the blue sky, and it was peaceful and quiet. He took a deep breath, inhaling the sharp scent of the evergreen trees, and sighed contentedly. He noticed Carina staring at him, and turned to her. "What's up?"

She shook her head. "I just – I can't get over how cheerful you are," she spoke with her usual candor, reaching over to touch his arm. "Are you sure you're really as well as you seem? You've turned around so quickly."

It was a little disconcerting, the way she saw through him. "Maybe I'm exaggerating it a little," he admitted. "I realized I had been taking my problems out on my friends, and I decided to make more of an effort." He covered her hand with his. "But I am only exaggerating a little. I promise. I really do feel much better." She nodded, and they sat in silence, watching the sunset. He worked up his nerve to talk to her about something very personal. "Carina, can I ask you something?"

She looked at him, surprised. "Of course. You know you can."

"Do you think…" He paused, watching a bat fly overhead as he organized his thoughts, and started again. "One of the reasons I'm feeling so much better is that… my dreams… they've become…" he searched for the right word, but couldn't come up with it, so he filled it in lamely. "Good. Every night, Trelaina comes to me and we – we talk, for hours, it seems. I couldn't even tell you what we talk about, but we're happy together. She kisses me goodbye at the end of the night." This was where it started to sound crazy, he knew. He hoped – he trusted – that she would take him seriously. "Carina, it feels like she's really there with me. It doesn't feel like a dream. Do you think… Do you believe our loved ones can communicate with us after they're gone?"

She nodded solemnly and looked him in the eye. "I do, Mark. Absolutely. I had similar dreams about Daniel for months after he died. I still have them sometimes, when I'm feeling especially lonely or worried about something. I believe he watches over me from Heaven, and comes to help me when I need him. I had those dreams about my mother after she died, too. I think God gives them to us as a way to stay in touch with the people we love." The corner of her mouth pulled back. "And if I'm wrong, and it's just my subconscious trying to make me feel better? That's OK, too."

He had known she would understand. "Oh, yes, that's exactly what it feels like. Not like she's still alive, but like she's been given a chance to make up for the time we didn't have. I know Trelaina is in Heaven, too. I guess she's my guardian angel."

"I'm sure she is. She'll do what she can to watch over you." She gave him her most gentle smile, the one that always made him feel better.

"I believe she will. But…" He paused. This was difficult to admit, as though he was betraying Trelaina. "I'm starting to have a hard time remembering what Trelaina looked like. She's there in my dreams, but when I wake up, it's like her face is right on the edge of my mind, and I can't quite make it come into focus, no matter how hard I try." He felt himself becoming upset and closed his eyes, inhaling deeply.

"Mark… I don't know what to tell you about that. I think it's normal, unfortunately. You don't have any pictures of her, and you really didn't have a lot of time together. I guess… it's part of moving on."

He felt tears sting his eyes. She was right, he knew, but that didn't make him regret it any less. "I guess so. And I'm trying to move on." He looked up at her face. "But this part of it is hard."

"It's all hard. I know that. But it does get easier, I promise you." She reached over and brushed a lone tear off his face. His nerve endings seemed to jump to life as her fingers trailed across his cheek, and his heart beat more quickly. He blinked heavily. How was it that she made things simpler and more complicated at the same time? He shook his head to clear it, and noticed that the light had almost disappeared from the sky. "We'd better get back, hadn't we?" He asked.

"You're right," she answered, looking up. "They'll have my head if I still have you outside after bed-check starts."

They moved slowly and in silence back toward the hospital. Carina seemed lost in thought. Mark was distracted by the reaction he'd had to her touching his face, but he didn't want to talk to her about it. Not after the conversation they'd had earlier. He hadn't lied to her – he really didn't want a romantic relationship. He wasn't sure that he'd ever want one, and certainly not so soon. But he was drawn to her physically; more so than he could remember ever being with any other woman, even Trelaina. They had grown very close very quickly, and he supposed it was easy to develop feelings for someone when your time together was always so intense and emotional. Plus, they were always _touching_ each other, holding hands. He wasn't used to that. As they entered the hospital, he resolved to try to keep their friendship on a lighter, more professional level.

He offered to go back to his room without her, but she insisted on bringing him upstairs, saying that she wanted to try to find IQ-9. The nurse nodded at them as they passed, telling Carina that she didn't have to rush; as long as he was in his room in time for bed check, she could let the nurse know when she was leaving and they'd get him settled for the night.

In the end Mark was glad she had brought him upstairs, as he couldn't get out of his chair without help. She pulled his arm around her shoulder, put her free arm around his waist and hoisted him to his feet on a count of three. His free hand gripped the bed rail, and he found he was able to put some weight on his legs. He stumbled toward her, catching the scent of her hair – her light, fresh shampoo combined with the crisp December air – and felt another jolt of the electricity he had felt when she touched his face. He inhaled but fought his sudden, irrational urge to bury his face in the soft red mass. She was very quiet – he hoped she hadn't picked up on what he was thinking.

She stood still for a moment while he gained his balance. He was taller than she, and when he straightened, his hand slid down and settled on her breast. He both heard and felt her sudden intake of breath, and felt heat spread through his belly. Without thinking, he slid his hand slowly over her flesh, caressing her through her uniform. The arm around his waist tightened and she rested her head against his shoulder. He felt his breath catch in his throat and moved his hand to her shoulder, pushing gently to turn her to face him. She lifted her head and took one step toward him, but then she tensed, and it suddenly struck him what he was doing. He pulled his hand away quickly, swiveled himself toward the bed and sat down.

"Carina, I'm sorry," he said, horrified with himself. What had come over him? He would never do such a thing. "I didn't mean to—"

"It's all right," she interrupted him shakily. She had her back to him, moving his wheelchair out of the way for the night, but he could see her take a deep, ragged breath. "It happens." _It happens?_ She turned around and approached the bed, her cheeks flushed and her eyes downcast. He couldn't read the expression on her face.

"No, it's not," he insisted. "I don't know what… I would never…"

"Mark," she said shortly. "Please – forget it." She was helping him to remove his shoes, but she still wouldn't look at him. "I'll have the nurse send the robots in to help you get ready for bed. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow." She stood and turned toward the door.

Desperate, he grabbed for her hand. "Carina, please, wait. Look at me." She turned and faced him, looking anguished, but didn't meet his eyes. "Carina, I'm so sorry. I'm not sure what came over me. I promise you it won't happen again. If you feel you should report me, I completely understand. But please, don't look like that. I'm sorry."

She sighed and sat beside him, her face miserable. "Mark, please stop apologizing. I'm not angry with you. It wasn't your fault – it was mine. I'm the one who should be put on report."

That didn't even make sense. "What are you talking about? You didn't do anything. I'm the one who – " he was too ashamed of himself to finish, and looked down. "I've never done anything like that before. To anyone. Really."

"I believe you," she said resignedly, and finally made eye contact with him. "I trust you completely, Mark. I do. But I'm the one with the power in the situation." She looked at her lap. "In nursing classes, they caution you over and over again against developing personal relationships with patients. It can lead to very awkward situations. The caregiver needs to avoid emotional involvement, or the risk of unprofessional and inappropriate behavior is too high. I've been behaving very unprofessionally. I need to apologize to you."

That was probably a good rule in general, he conceded, but he didn't feel that it applied to them. He spoke gently, but firmly. "Carina, I'm a big boy. I'm capable of controlling myself. You're in no way to blame for what just happened. You've never been anything but professional with me, and as far as I'm concerned, our personal relationship has been nothing but positive and helpful. I'm the one who stepped over the line, not you." Her expression had softened, and he tilted her chin so she was looking at him again. "And I'm pretty sure we're already emotionally involved, so it's too late to avoid that." She smiled faintly. He thought he was getting through to her. "Carina," he added softly, "I don't want our time together to end."

"I don't want it to end either." She looked at him shyly. "I feel like our friendship is really special, Mark. Does that sound crazy?"

"If it is, then we're both crazy. That's how it works sometimes: you meet someone and you know right away they'll always be an important part of your life, right?"

That made her smile, finally. "Thank you, Mark," she said quietly.

He was still worried. "Are we all right?"

"Yeah. We're good," she sighed, then paused, thinking. "But we can't go on the way we've been going. Certainly not while you're in the hospital. We touch each other a lot, have you noticed? Hold hands? I think we need to put the kibosh on that. And Mark, you know word can't get out about this, right? We could end up in hot water. Both of us."

"I know. Believe me, I'm not going to shout to the world that I molested you," he said angrily, still ashamed.

"Please. I've gotten worse from IQ-9." The corners of her mouth twisted slightly, and he thought that things would be all right between them.

She stood up again. "It's past your bedtime. I'll tell them to send in the robots."

"Hey - tomorrow?" He asked hopefully.

"Sure. See you then." He watched her go uneasily, knowing he wouldn't sleep that night. What had he been thinking? Well, he hadn't been thinking, he knew that. Not with his head, at least. He wouldn't have blamed her if she never spoke to him again, but somehow she still thought their friendship was "special." She was a special girl, all right, but he was afraid she'd change her mind about him after a good night's sleep. Until he saw her tomorrow – _if_ he saw her tomorrow – he wouldn't trust that he hadn't completely blown it with her.

* * *

Carina couldn't sleep. She tried to read, but she couldn't focus on the page. She turned on a movie, but her mind was racing and she couldn't focus on that, either. Her mind kept replaying the moment tonight when Mark had touched her.

The problem, she knew, wasn't that it had happened, but rather that she hadn't wanted to end it. She worked in the military section of the hospital – she'd been groped by obnoxious space marines and self-important fighter jocks since she'd entered the academy. The nurses considered it just one more unfortunate symptom of the misogyny of Earth Defense, joking bitterly that the men didn't even know why they liked breasts so much; that they probably subconsciously reminded the men of food. Carina knew what a deliberate grope felt like, and she knew that Mark's hand landing where it did was accidental. She also knew that she should have moved it away immediately, and that would have been the end of it, probably after an embarrassed apology from him.

She hadn't anticipated her reaction, however. She blushed as she remembered the warmth that had erupted through her body at his touch, and how she had lost her power of judgment. It was only when he had started to guide her into an embrace that she had realized what they were doing. If she hadn't stopped herself, she would have kissed him, and that would have been supremely unethical. The man had just been mortally wounded _and _had his heart broken, and she'd been offering him aid and comfort. It was only natural for him to create a romantic attachment to her in his mind as a substitute for Trelaina. The attachment would most likely go away as soon as he left the hospital; certainly it would go away when he left on the Argo's training mission.

Her own feelings, however, weren't so easy for her to dissect and discard. She adored him as a friend and did believe their friendship was something special. She hadn't lied about that. She also hadn't lied when she told him she didn't want a romantic relationship. She had been contented to be alone for more than a year. Love opened you up to a tremendous amount of pain, and she didn't want to go through that again.

The problem there, she admitted to herself reluctantly, was that she _did_ want _him_. She had male friends, and certainly there were men she found attractive. She had never felt this sort of chemistry with any of them. Even when Daniel had been alive – she supposed she had been younger and more innocent then, but her physical feelings for him had been sweeter, less intense. She might still be innocent, physically at least, but in the time since Daniel had gotten sick, about six months after the Star Force had left for Iscandar, she had seen more horrors than a person should see in her lifetime. That would destroy anyone's innocence, she thought.

But none of that mattered, because a physical relationship was out of the question for her, anyway. Attraction was something you couldn't control, but acting on it was a choice. She believed that sex belonged within marriage, and if she never married, then so be it. She and Daniel had drawn a line and had never crossed it, no matter how tempted they had been. And temptation hadn't been even a remote problem since he had become sick.

Until now.

She sighed. Okay, it wasn't difficult not to sleep with someone. But her brain kept taking her where she had stopped him from going tonight. Over and over in her mind, she didn't resist when he moved her into his embrace, but instead slid into his arms and kissed him. He would be a phenomenal kisser, she had no doubt. He was sensitive and considerate when they talked, and gentle when he touched her. She was sure he would be an equally gentle and sensitive lover.

Finally, she gave in and allowed herself to think about kissing him for a while – she would put the incident behind her tomorrow. When she eventually dozed off she dreamed of Daniel, whom she faced guiltily. She was relieved when he smiled at her.

"_No one expects you to live a cloistered life for the next 60 years, sweetheart," _he told her_._

"_I know that, but maybe I expect it of myself. I still love you. I don't want to be with anyone else."_

"_I still love you, too. I always will. But you shouldn't feel guilty. He's a good man. Neither of you is ready yet, but he's a good man. The kind I would have chosen for you."_

"_I don't _want_ you or anyone to choose anything for me! I don't want to date him. He's a friend – we're just spending too much time together."_

Daniel grinned at her._ "I'm just saying. He's a good man."_

Now he was teasing. Two could play at that game._ "He's gorgeous, too. Did you see him?"_

He smiled broadly at her and kissed her forehead, putting his arms around her. _"That's my girl."_

"_Always," _she sighed, as she leaned her head against him contentedly.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

After a few hours of fitful sleep, Carina rose and decided to go for a walk to clear her head. There was a park a few blocks from the barracks, and she headed over, enjoying the early-morning quiet. She relaxed, as always, when she entered the park's wooded trail system. She had never gotten used to living in a city, with people piled upon people. She needed space. She knew it was only a matter of time before housing became available to the general public in more rural areas, and there were more important projects for the reconstruction committees to work on first, but she was impatient for it.

She looked around as she stepped deeper into the woods. Although it was still fairly dark outside, especially under the canopy of the trees, she knew that robotic security guards were posted regularly along the walking trails and wasn't concerned. There had never been so much as a pick-pocketing in this park. The morning air was chilly enough that her breath appeared in clouds in front of her, and she walked until the blue-gray shadows were replaced by the chilly light of the late fall sun, listening to the waking songs of the birds and the rustling of the small animals emerging from their holes to find breakfast. After a year, she still marveled at how easily the animals had reconditioned themselves to living outside, when they had been in captivity underground for so long. And she could tell that their numbers had increased. It gave her hope for the future.

Smiling, she headed for home. She knew she would regret it after lunch when she could barely keep her eyes open, but for now, the walk had invigorated her. She felt like she could face the world again. What had happened last night wasn't the end of the world. They had both lost control for a minute, but no harm had been done, and it did feel good to know that such an attractive man found her attractive, too. The entire incident had barely lasted 10 seconds. They would simply be more careful going forward. As long as Mark felt the same way, there was no reason they couldn't go on as they had before. Minus the touching. Even though, she knew, she would miss the touching. A lot.

She had walked farther than she expected. When she got home she took a quick shower, and then ate two slices of toast over the sink while she applied her makeup. She didn't have time to dry her hair and decided to let it air-dry, which would leave it wavier than she normally wore it. She couldn't remember the last time she had worn it down for work, but why not? She fussed with her makeup, as well. With her pale complexion, dark circles under her eyes tended to stand out, and she'd barely slept last night. A little mascara and bright lipstick would also make her look more alert. She told herself that none of these things had anything to do with holding the attentions of a wounded young commander.

Carina drove to her office humming to herself. When she walked through the door, however, she froze, an alarm going off in her head. Several of the boys were standing in the coffee area, and they stopped talking when she entered. Most of them looked at the floor, but Paul, her little buddy, grinned at her goofily. "Clarkie! All dolled up for your new boyfriend?"

She felt her stomach drop, and her hand flew to her hair. "What new boyfriend is this, Paulie?" she asked, keeping her voice light. "As far as I know, I'm still single."

"Oh. Uh… You might want to go talk to Jim," he said, obviously confused.

"Right." She dropped her work on her desk and continued down the hall to speak to Paul's supervisor. She had trained Jim when she had gone to work for the colonel, and they had a good rapport. She hoped whatever information he had for her would calm the butterflies that were threatening to erupt from her stomach.

"Hey," she said, stepping into his office. He looked up and grinned at her. "Heeey!" _Oh boy,_ she thought, _this can't be good._ Lt. Jim Gilman was a little rough around the edges – his cologne was a little too strong, his hair was a little too stiff with "product," and his mannerisms had carried over from the streets of the city he had grown up in, but he was a good guy with a good head on his shoulders. She knew that he would be up front with her.

"Want to tell me why your men were gawking at me just now?" She suspected she sounded a little hysterical.

His expression was still amused, but he sobered up a bit. "You didn't stop at the news stand this morning, huh?"

"No," she said, confused. "Why – " but then it hit her, and she felt herself go pale. It was a good thing she'd only had toast for breakfast. "Oh, no." They had talked about the photographers on the hospital grounds, but she hadn't spotted them last night and, assuming they weren't there, had forgotten about them. "How bad is it? Do you have it?"

He opened a drawer. "It's not that bad. Well, I guess that depends on your perspective. But _I_ don't think it's that bad." He tossed the paper on his desk, and she picked it up and unfolded it.

On the front page of the Lifestyles section was a series of pictures of her and Mark. The photographer must have had a very powerful magnifying lens. The pictures had to have been taken from quite a distance, but they were sharp and clear. Most were pretty innocuous – they showed the two of them laughing together as they set out from the hospital, and talking more seriously at the spot where they had stopped to watch the sunset. They had their hands on each other's arms in a couple of those shots, but that was fine.

The largest and most prominently placed photo, though, showed them looking into each other's eyes, their heads leaning in together and her hand on his face. She had been wiping a tear from his cheek, of course, but the picture certainly made it look as though they were having a _very_ intimate conversation. The photographer was extremely lucky in his timing to have caught this precise moment – their eyes were locked together as though they were gazing at each other. Carina felt her heart sink. This could mean trouble for one or both of them.

"You okay there, Chief?" Jim's voice startled her. She sighed and put down the paper.

"Yeah. Thanks, Jim. Is the Old Man in yet?"

"Haven't seen him." She nodded and stepped back, ready to go to work. "Good luck," he said.

"Thanks." Carina sighed again as she returned to her office. It was going to be a long day. She logged on and tried to focus on reading her messages, but she found herself reading the same sentence over and over without comprehension. She suspected – she _hoped_ – that the colonel wouldn't be too upset with her. She was sure he would give her the chance to explain, at least.

When Colonel Okajima finally arrived at work, he poked his head into Carina's office. "Hey, Lieutenant, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Yes, Sir." The knot in her stomach tightened as she followed him down the hall, and tightened even more when he asked her to close the door to his office.

"Sir, those pictures are misleading – " she began, but he waved his hand at her.

"I'm not worried about it, Carina. I know how those gossip papers work, and anyway, what you do on your own time is your business." She began to relax, but it didn't last long. "But I did get a call from the Director of Nurses this morning. She wants to meet with you this afternoon."

This day kept getting worse. "Major O'Malley? She hates me," she groaned. The major didn't care for her, and also resented the fact that Carina reported to the colonel and not to her.

The colonel smirked at her. "I don't think she hates you," he teased. "She's just better than you." He'd had his share of run-ins with Major O'Malley, too, and would be sympathetic.

"No, it's hate," she answered. "She's going to tear my unprofessional hide to pieces."

"Well, then you can come work full-time for me and forget about the hospital." It was his favorite topic to bring up with her, but he knew her hospital work was important to her. She rolled her eyes at him. "Maybe," she said.

"She wants to see you at three o'clock," he told her. "Do what you can until then, and don't worry about coming back after your meeting. Call me if you need anything. And just try to keep your head down until this guy is out of the hospital, okay?"

No problem there. Being plastered all over the paper was not as fun as she had anticipated. "Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir." She saluted and went back to her desk, relieved.

_That wasn't too bad,_ she thought. And she had a note on her computer that the space navigation analysis office in the US was having problems with the latest release of the software Carina's office had developed. That meant her day would consist of mindless testing and debugging, which would give her plenty of time to think about what she was going to say to the Director of Nurses and, perhaps more importantly, to her little sister. She had no doubt that Katie would have seen the pictures in the paper by tonight, and that she'd be calling.

She settled in and had begun to look at America's software problem when a message appeared on her screen. Nova was chatting her.

_*You there?*_

_*Yes. What's up?*_

_*Major O'Malley is on the warpath. Thought you should be warned.*_

Nova must be working the day shift at the hospital. _*I know. I've already been told that I have to meet with her at 3. Thanks for the warning, though.*_

_*Sure. Good luck. Actually, I might just mention that meeting to Dr. Sane, if you don't mind. Venture is his patient, and he's very happy that the two of you have… "connected." He'll help you out.*_

_*Wow – that would be great. I can use all the help I can get. Thanks._* She reread Nova's last message and decided she needed to clear things up. _*Also, FYI: he was telling me about Trelaina and I was wiping a tear off his cheek. The camera may not lie, but sometimes it stretches the truth a little bit.*_

_*Just teasing. Hussy.*_

Carina grinned. _*It's not so easy to be a seductress when the guy is crying over his dead girlfriend, you know. It takes skill.*_

_*No doubt. Oops – got to go. Talk to you later!*_ Nova signed off.

If the Doc was on her side, Carina thought, this could blow over fairly quickly. She wouldn't count on it, though. Ugh. The whole thing was ridiculous, really. She needed to focus on work.

The morning passed quickly. Carina thought she had worked out in her mind all the speeches of explanation she would need, although the knot in her stomach refused to go away. Before she knew it, it was time for lunch and Jim poked his head into her office. "Hey, we're getting food delivered from the cafeteria. Want anything?"

She should probably eat, she supposed. She quickly clicked on the cafeteria's daily specials menu, scanning it for the lightest thing available. "Split pea soup? Thanks."

Jim gave her the thumbs up and continued down the hall. A few minutes later, she heard the deliveryman from the cafeteria and joined the boys in the break room. She braced herself for the comments she was sure would come, and wasn't disappointed. She was greeted with applause and wolf-whistles as she walked through the door, and she grinned and bowed theatrically. Maybe the situation _was_ funny. Several of the boys remarked as she sat down. They had probably spent the entire morning thinking of clever things to say.

Paulie went first. "Are you sure your boyfriend won't mind you eating with us?"

He was followed by Alexei, a tiny Russian analyst who was always overflowing with energy and tended to shout rather than speak. "Lieutenant, can I have your autograph?"

Finally Jim spoke up. "So what do we have to do to get you to stroke our hair?"

"First of all, I was stroking his FACE, not his HAIR, but hmmm… Let me think," she said. "If you go into space for an extended period of time to save Earth, TWICE, get mortally wounded and lose the girl you love because she sacrifices herself to defeat the enemy, then maaaayyyyybeeee…"

The boys laughed. "Don't worry, Clarkie," Jim said. "You didn't do anything wrong. It'll all blow over by tomorrow." Carina wasn't so sure, but appreciated him saying so.

The boys seemed to have gotten the teasing out of their systems, and conversation turned to other matters. By the time they filed back to their offices, Carina realized there wasn't much time left before her meeting. She tried to work, but was growing more and more nervous. At 2:45, she shut down her system and checked in with the Colonel. "I'll see you on Monday, Sir." She saluted him.

He returned the salute. "Relax, Lieutenant. Nothing to worry about."

"I hope not."

The Director of Nurses' office was roomy but unwelcoming under the best of circumstances. All of the nurses resisted visiting the room unless they absolutely had to. Carina approached the door nervously, taking a deep breath in an attempt to settle her stomach. When she reached the door, she felt a touch of relief. Doctor Sane was sitting beside Major O'Malley, looking extremely disgruntled. The two of them were angled slightly away from each other, the major focusing on her computer and the doctor with his arms and legs crossed and a scowl on his face. This could be good for her today, although it may cause the DN to resent her and cause problems in the long term.

She knocked on the door and walked in. "Sit down, Lieutenant." The director seemed irritated and continued to focus on her computer screen, but Doctor Sane gave Carina a quick wink. She stifled a smile and sat in the chair opposite the director's desk. After a moment, O'Malley turned her attention to Carina without looking at Doctor Sane. "I assume you know what this is about?"

Carina nodded. "I believe so, Ma'am. You want to talk to me about the pictures that appeared in the paper this morning?" She hoped her voice would stop quavering soon.

"That's right. Lt. Clark, you know Central Hospital's policy on nurses fraternizing with patients, correct?"

"Yes, Ma'am, I do. And I apologize for the misunderstanding those photos have caused. If I may explain, Cdr. Venture has been confiding in me about his relationship with Trelaina of Telezart. We have become friends, which, correct me if I'm wrong, is not in violation of the hospital's fraternization policy." From the corner of her eye, she saw the doctor smile. "Last night I took him on the grounds for some fresh air. He's still confused about a number of things, and he asked my advice. He became emotional, and I touched his arm and wiped a tear from his face to comfort him. That's all."

The director scrutinized her face, trying to see whether she was lying. "You look more than friendly in this picture," she said, indicating the large picture of Carina with her hand on Mark's face, the two of them seemingly gazing into each other's eyes.

"The photographer caught us at just the right moment, Ma'am. The picture is misleading. There was nothing inappropriate, I assure you."

"You know," the director said, "if there are any complaints, this is the sort of thing that could get you transferred to another department. It might be better to put another nurse on Cdr. Venture's case."

Carina's heart sank, but then Doctor Sane cleared his throat. "Lt. Clark, do you believe Cdr. Venture wants to date you?"

"No, Doctor. Cdr. Venture still loves Trelaina."

He nodded. "And do you want to date him?"

"No. He's my patient, and anyway, I still love my late fiancée."

"Then I don't see that there's a problem. Maj. O'Malley, Cdr. Venture suffered from severe depression when he awoke from his coma. Lt. Clark was the first person he would talk to, and I've watched him make tremendous progress both physically and mentally as they've spent time together. Not only do I insist that Lt. Clark remain on his case, but I'm going to ask her to continue to visit him after hours. I couldn't prescribe a more effective treatment in his case."

Major O'Malley's jaw clenched. She couldn't go against the doctor's orders. "All right. But I don't want to see or hear of anything else that could sully the reputation of this hospital, Lieutenant."

"My behavior will be beyond reproach, Major. Thank you."

"You're dismissed. Please close the door behind you." Carina saluted and left the office, half wishing she could be a fly on the wall for the argument that was about to ensue. She decided she'd better go up to ICU and see Mark.

She took the elevator to the top floor and saw Nova sitting at the nurses' station. Nova waved her over. "I figured you'd come up, so I stuck around. How did it go?"

"Okay, thanks to you. I think Doctor Sane saved my neck." She winced. "He's still in the dragon's lair – she wasn't too happy with him. But thank you for talking to him."

Nova nodded. "He was outraged when I suggested the DN might want to separate you and Venture. I know they battled it out before you met with them. I guess they're still at it."

Carina glanced toward Mark's room. "How is he?"

"He's been pretty wound up all day," Nova said. "I think his mother and brother are in there now, but he'd probably appreciate seeing you."

Carina's eyes widened. She hadn't considered what Mark's family would think. "Is his mother –"

"She's fine," Nova interrupted. "I was able to waylay her when they came in, and explained the situation." She smiled. "I think she was a little disappointed when I told her you and Mark weren't secretly in love."

"Oh, boy. That's just what I need." Carina sighed. She liked Mark's mother and didn't want to alienate her. "I guess I'd better go talk to them. Nova – thank you for everything. Really."

"Anything I can do in the fight against the Dragon," Nova said.

Carina waved and walked down the hall. She wondered if Mark had been harassed as she had been today.

* * *

Mark Venture was having a rough day. It had started first thing this morning, when Sandor had burst into his room. "Venture, are you awake?"

Of course he was awake. He had barely slept all night, beating himself up over what had happened between him and Carina. When he had managed to drift off, his dreams had been confused and upsetting. They focused on Trelaina, as always, but alternated between her telling him it was time to move on and chiding him for not behaving like a gentleman. When Sandor had come rushing in at 0630, he had blinked at him, alarmed, his eyes feeling gritty and bloodshot. "Sandor. What's wrong?"

"I wanted to give you a heads-up, before you saw anyone else today," Sandor said, moving to sit beside the bed. His browless eyes looked concerned, and the knot in Mark's stomach tightened. Sandor dropped a section of newspaper in his lap. "I was awake and decided to get a little exercise. I walked by the nurses' station and picked this up. I thought you should see it."

Mark raised the head of his bed and looked at the paper. When he saw the pictures on the front page, he felt the blood drain from his cheeks. "Oh, no." If Carina had been ready to forgive him last night, she wouldn't be now. He looked at Sandor wildly. Sandor had been Carina's friend first, and Mark felt the need to explain himself to him. "Sandor, nothing happened out there. We were just talking. I became emotional thinking about Trelaina, and Carina… She comforted me. That's all."

"I believe you," Sandor nodded. "All your friends will believe you, but it's not us you have to worry about. There are still people at Earth Defense who are bitter about the Star Force taking off for Telezart against orders. It's possible they'll strike out at Carina to get back at you."

He was right. Carina had said it last night – she was the one who was considered to have the power in the situation. But would they really punish a competent employee for something she had done when she was off-duty? Sadly, he thought he knew the answer to that question, even if he didn't like to admit it. He had lost a great deal of his faith in the leaders of Earth Defense. He nodded at his older friend, feeling sick to his stomach. "Thanks for letting me know, Sandor. I guess there's not much I can do at this point to help her, is there?"

"Just tell the truth to anyone who asks you. You know I'll stand behind you, and Nova and Doctor Sane will as well." Sandor changed the subject. "How are your legs feeling?" Sometimes it was nice having a friend who was more concerned with engineering than with emotions.

"I was able to put some weight on them last night," Mark said, blushing when he remembered what had happened when he had tried to stand. "I'm doing all right. Have you spoken to Homer? It's been a few days since I've seen him."

"He's coming along as well. I think he'll be ready to go by Christmas." The two men chatted for a few minutes, and Sandor retreated to his room.

Sometime after breakfast, Nova had come in to see Mark. She, too, was concerned. "Mark, we all know that nothing happened. But the Director of Nurses is a follower of General Stone. If she can discredit a member of the Star Force, she will."

"What can we do about it, Nova?" Mark was feeling more helpless as the day went on. He needed to stay away from women. He seemed to ruin the lives of the ones he got close to.

Nova had been taking his temperature, and smoothed his hair comfortingly. "I'm going to talk to Dr. Sane. He should be able to straighten things out." Mark nodded, hoping she was right.

Physical therapy had helped to take his mind off things, but he had been nervous and distracted there as well. The therapists hadn't said anything, but he saw them glance at each other several times behind his back. The good thing had been that it had irritated him enough to make him push himself harder. He had actually managed a couple of small, quick steps on his own.

Wildstar had stopped by at lunch time, offering him more words of encouragement. Mark appreciated the thought, but by that time he had wanted to be left alone and had sent Wildstar away as soon as he could.

And now Jordy was here. His mother had called and asked whether she could leave him while she went to a doctor's appointment. Mark wasn't in the mood to babysit, but he couldn't refuse his mother. He had been teaching Jordy to play backgammon, and while the boy was setting up the board, he spoke quietly to her about the photos. She understood, she said, but then asked him if he was sure that he and Carina were "just friends." When he told her he was, she had let it go, although Mark suspected she wasn't convinced. The thought that even his family believed what was printed in the paper didn't help his nervous stomach. As the afternoon went on he became tenser, wondering whether Carina would come to see him or had reached the end of her patience with him. He found himself jumping every time he heard footsteps in the hall, although he knew her shift at Earth Defense Headquarters wouldn't end until 1600.

To distract himself, Mark tried to focus on Jordy and the game they were playing, sitting with his back to the door so he wouldn't be tempted to stare into the hall. Now that his brother was here, Mark had to admit that the kid helped take his mind off things. He was always so optimistic. He was also getting good at backgammon. He had beaten Mark handily in their first game, and Mark hadn't even gone especially easy on him. He supposed the fact that a nine-year-old could beat him was a sign of how wound up he was.

At the sound of footsteps entering the room, Jordy suddenly stood at attention and Mark's heart leapt into his throat. A voice, mock-serious but also quiet and nervous, came from behind him: "As you were, Mister Venture." Mark turned around and smiled uncertainly. Carina looked like he felt: exhausted, stressed and a little nervous. And yet, she somehow managed to make even her olive-drab EDF uniform look pretty good, he thought before he caught himself. When she returned his smile with a shy one of her own, his stomach settled and he relaxed a little. They looked at each other awkwardly for a few moments, until finally she said "hi" in a small voice. "Hi," he responded gingerly, but it took Jordy to break the ice.

"Carina," he said, looking between them confusedly, "come sit with us." She smiled at the boy. "Sure. Are you playing backgammon? I _love_ backgammon!" She moved around to sit at the desk's empty seat and watch them play. As she sat, she squeezed Mark's shoulder, nodding at him to let him know that things were all right. He smiled at her more naturally this time, and turned back to his game.

The three of them sat companionably for a while over the game, Mark eager to talk to Carina, but not in front of his brother. He noticed that Jordy was fidgety and kept stealing glances at her. She must have noticed as well, because after a few minutes she said, "What's up, Jordy?"

The boy blushed and looked at the floor, then looked at her and asked, "Are you going to marry my brother?"

Mark blanched. He couldn't believe he had just heard that come out of his kid brother's mouth, and wished he could crawl under the table. He wasn't sure whether he should apologize to Carina or yell at Jordy. Both, probably. But when he turned to her, she didn't seem upset. She was looking at the boy kindly.

"Jordy, listen," she said. "You have friends at school who are boys and friends who are girls, right?" He nodded, watching her. Mark felt himself watching her, too. She was so good with his brother. "But you don't feel like you want to marry all the girls you're friends with, do you?"

"No," Jordy said firmly, shaking his head. "I don't feel like that about them. They're my friends."

Carina shrugged at him. "Well, that's how Mark and I feel about each other. We're good friends. I love your brother very much, but…" She faltered and glanced at Mark, her cheeks suddenly bright red. "But wanting to marry someone, well, that's different. It's a different kind of love," she added.

She looked to Mark for support. He heard himself stammer something – "She's right, Jordy," something useless like that – but he was hung up on what she just said. He'd never had a woman say she loved him. Even Trelaina had never used the word. It was… nice, he thought lamely.

Carina was still speaking to Jordy. "The pictures you saw in the paper weren't really _real_, Jordy. I mean, they were real pictures, but they printed all the ones that made it look like Mark and I are dating each other, instead of the hundreds they probably took that make it clear that we're not. Sometimes the newspaper prints things to get people excited about a story, even if it's not true. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I don't really get why they would do that, but I understand." The boy looked disappointed, and Mark realized that he felt vaguely disappointed himself. "As long as you're still friends with us after Mark gets out of the hospital. Maybe you'll change your mind someday."

"Jordy!" Mark snapped at him this time, embarrassed, but Carina looked amused.

"I can't speak for your brother, but I plan on being his friend for as long as he wants me around. And if we change our minds, you'll be the first to know, okay, buddy?" She had been fiddling with a rubber band as she spoke, and she now shot it at him playfully. "Now finish your game."

As they were playing, Mark's mother returned to take Jordy home. She seemed pleased to see Carina – too pleased, Mark thought, but maybe he was just being paranoid. After the two women greeted each other, Mom looked at her critically. "Are you all right, dear? You look tired. I hope you're not getting sick."

"I'm fine, ma'am. Just a long day, as you can imagine. But everything has worked out."

"That's good to know." Mom put her hand on Carina's arm. "We're glad you're here for him," she said seriously, and Mark felt himself blush again – didn't his mother know he was sitting right here? – but he was pleased to hear Carina reply, "I am, too." The women made small talk for a few minutes, until his mother made an excuse to go, leaving him alone with Carina.

"I'm sorry about my family," he said as soon as they were out of earshot. "Mom means well and Jordy's just a kid… I hope you don't feel like they're out of line."

"Mark, they're great. You need to stop apologizing for them. I actually enjoy having someone fawn over me, although I suspect it's not just your brother who has us married off. Your mother has that look in her eye."

He chuckled wryly. "Yeah, I told her the story in the paper wasn't true, but I'm not so sure she listened to me. You were wonderful with Jordy, though. I wouldn't have had the first idea what to say to him."

It was her turn to chuckle. "Sweetie, I'm an analyst. I over-analyze _everything_, and I also have a nine-year-old sister. I spent the entire morning scripting out the speech I'm going to have to give her when she calls me tonight. Which she will."

Suddenly remembering how worried he had been, he became more serious. "You told my mother that everything has worked out. Is that true?"

Sighing, she sat on the bed, opposite him in his wheelchair. "I think so. My boss at Headquarters was fine. Or – not really fine, but he didn't give me a hard time. I got a severe talking-to from the Director of Nurses just before I came to see you, though. Thank Heaven Dr. Sane was there to smooth things over. If he hadn't come to the meeting, I think I might not have a job at the hospital anymore. At the least I would have been reassigned to another floor until you were released."

"That's crazy. Did you get written up?" Although it seemed she didn't blame him, Mark would feel terrible if her record had been blemished because of him.

"No. Dr. Sane really spoke in our favor." She looked at him intently. "You have a good friend in him. And in Nova – she made sure he knew what time I was meeting with the director."

"Yes," Mark nodded. "The Star Force is like a family. We take care of each other. The doc kept you out of trouble?"

"Mmm. The doctor told O'Malley in no uncertain terms that our friendship is 'good' for you, whatever that means." She smiled, but looked down. "He sort of ordered me to spend as much time with you as possible."

Mark couldn't help himself. "Really?" He must have sounded too enthusiastic, because she snapped her head back up to look at him. He tried to recover, rubbing the back of his head and laughing, embarrassed. "I'm glad you're not on the hook for anything. The doctor is smart. He always looks beyond the surface and sees the truth."

It was nearly time for supper, and an aide came in to take his order. She snapped to attention when she saw Carina. "Lieutenant. Would you like to place an order as well?"

Carina turned to Mark. "What do you want to do? I can run out and get you something if you'd like. Tired of institutional food?"

Was he tired of it? Please. "I would love for you to bring me something. Is that all right?" he asked the aide.

"Sure, I guess so, if the lieutenant says it's okay," the girl replied. When Carina nodded and assured the girl she would buy only healthy foods, she saluted and left.

After a brief discussion of their options, Carina headed out to buy supper. Mark had a thought as she was leaving. "Carina?"

She turned and looked at him expectantly.

"After we eat, do you think we could go out and walk the grounds again?" As he said it, he realized it might not be a good idea. He was about to tell her to forget it when she grinned wickedly.

"Do you think you can keep your hands to yourself?"

That was when he knew that things really were fine between them, and any remaining nervousness he felt dropped away. He grinned back at her and raised an eyebrow. _He_ wasn't the one whose hands were all over _her_ on the front page. "Can you?"

"Touché," she said, trying not to smile. "I'll be right back."

Mark sat back, smiling. Even after the tension of the day, they had talked and joked easily with each other. He had to admit it to himself: he had a serious crush on her. He could talk to her about anything, and she made him laugh. They also had remarkable chemistry, although she didn't seem to realize how beautiful she was. He briefly wondered what would have happened if they had kissed the previous night, then pushed the thought from his mind. It wasn't possible, and anyway, it was much too soon. Even he himself realized that he must be – what was the word? – _projecting_ his feelings for Trelaina onto her. It would be good for him to get away on the Star Force's upcoming training mission. If he still felt this way after they came home, then maybe he would think about approaching her...

She wasn't gone as long as he had expected; she soon returned with a delicious crock of soup and a fresh loaf of bread for him. He ate ravenously, realizing that he'd been too tense earlier in the day to eat much. Carina seemed to have a healthy appetite, too – he imagined she'd been even more tightly-wound all day than he had been.

He was satisfied and relaxed when they finished eating, and when they went outside, the fresh air felt wonderful on his face. They headed to the same spot they had occupied last night and turned to watch the sunset. The low clouds flamed bright red tonight, which Mark thought was an indication of good weather to come. "Red sky at night, sailors' delight," he murmured. Carina didn't respond, and they sat in silence for a few minutes. The late fall light made the grounds glow in shades of red and gold, and Mark sighed. "I wish Trelaina could have seen how beautiful Earth can be," he said. "I know she would have loved it here."

"I'm sure she would." After another moment of silence, she spoke. "Mark? What was it that made you fall in love with Trelaina?" He looked at her, surprised at the question. "I don't mean to intrude," she continued hastily. "I'm just curious. I've read the reports, and from what I understand, the Star Force's communication with Trelaina was pretty limited until you landed on Telezart. Did the two of you just connect over the radio?"

Mark nodded, smiling at the memory of the flight to Telezart and trying to think of how to explain it to her. "We did," he finally said. "It wasn't… rational, what happened between us. I know that. At first, I would talk to her to try to get a fix on her location, but it gradually became more than that. I looked forward to hearing from her every day, and she seemed to feel the same way about me. By the time we reached Telezart, I was smitten." He ducked his head, embarrassed. "That probably sounds silly."

She shook her head. "I think it's sweet," she said. "Your spirits reached out to each other, and that was all you needed. You didn't have to see what she looked like before you fell in love with her."

He responded quietly. "But she was _so_ beautiful. I felt so lucky. I couldn't believe that a woman like that could be interested in me."

"Really?" She sounded surprised. "I'd have thought you'd leave scores of broken hearts behind everywhere you go, don't you?"

Scores of broken hearts everywhere he went? He didn't think he'd ever left _one_ broken heart behind anywhere. If the question had come from anyone else, he'd assume they were mocking him, but he was getting used to her habit of blurting things out, and he knew she was serious. He was flattered, and answered her honestly. "Thank you, but hardly. Women have never really noticed me. I was pretty awkward around girls when I was a kid."

"But what about at the academy? I don't remember you being awkward. Not that I knew you, but you didn't seem it."

_She remembers me from the academy? _He looked at her closely, thinking. Now that she mentioned it, he did remember a quiet, red-haired girl who had been in a handful of his early classes. He had noticed her but never spoken to her. Was Carina that girl? "We had a few classes together, didn't we? I'm sorry I didn't remember until you just mentioned it."

She smiled. "I've had a couple of extra years to remember you. The Star Force were celebrities when you took off for Iscandar. There were tons of biographical articles and even books written about all of you. We had just recently graduated, and I made sure I knew which of you I'd taken classes with. Bragging rights."

That made sense. He probably would have done the same thing. "Well," he said, "if you didn't think I was awkward, then you obviously never saw me try to talk to a girl. I never knew what to say, and anyway, I was always pretty serious-minded. Most of the girls I met were looking for smooth-talking fighter jocks who would give them a thrill and then break their hearts. I wasn't 'exciting' enough for them. Nice guys finish last, I guess. But I couldn't have acted the way those guys did. I was raised to treat women with respect, and to be honorable. I believe that if you love someone, intimacy can wait until marriage, and if you don't, it's not even an option." He stopped himself, realizing he had run off at the mouth. "Sorry. Too much information."

As usual, though, she took in what he said without laughing or rolling her eyes at him. "I've never understood young girls," she said. "Everything you just said makes you more appealing to me, not less. As far as I'm concerned, it was their loss."

There was that disconcerting frankness again. He felt himself blush and cleared his throat. "Anyway, Trelaina wasn't like that. She loved me for who I was, and never tried to turn me into someone else." He felt himself becoming emotional, and turned the question on her to distract himself. "How about you? Were there long trails of crushed male hopes when you got engaged?"

She chuckled. "Not exactly. Those fighter jocks who were breaking the girls' hearts? They weren't interested in the nerdy 'good girls' who weren't going to give them what they wanted. And most of the boys studying analysis and development weren't exactly dateable. If they were, they already had girlfriends." She smiled, thinking of her classmates. Mark knew what she was talking about – much of Sandor's group on the Argo fell into that awkward category. She went on. "They were always telling me I was 'one of the guys,' like that was a compliment. I didn't think I'd ever meet someone who saw me as anything more. When Stephen introduced me to Daniel, it was like a light went on. I knew right away that I wanted to marry him. He never expected more from me than I was willing to give, and he didn't mind that -"

She had stopped herself mid-sentence. He waited for her to go on, and when she didn't, he prodded her gently. "Didn't mind what, Carina?" She looked at him as if she was trying to make a decision. "Carina, you can trust me." He had bared his heart to her more than once. He hoped that she felt she could do the same with him.

After another moment's hesitation she spoke. "Do you remember how old we were when the planet bombs started to hit? Just entering adolescence, right? Eleven or twelve?" He nodded, and so did she. "The radiation caused different problems for different people. With girls that age who absorbed a certain amount of radiation, the effect was internal and they didn't develop properly. I was one of those girls. My ovaries sort of… dried up before they'd even started functioning properly. The bottom line is, I can never have children."

"Oh." He felt as though he'd been punched in the stomach. He knew that, since the Gamilon war, there had been a tremendous amount of pressure on young women to raise large families. He could only imagine how devastating it was for her. "Honey, I'm so sorry." He began to reach for her, but pulled away when he remembered about the cameras. She waved him away, anyway.

She had sounded nervous when she spoke, but her eyes were calm. "I came to terms with it a long time ago. The fact of it doesn't bother me, honestly, but I don't want anyone to know. They'll either pity me" – he flinched inwardly – "or they'll treat me like a pariah. Women without children are considered worthless in our society." Mark wanted to comfort her, to tell her it wasn't true, but he knew she was right. She continued. "That was part of what made Daniel so special. He knew I couldn't have kids, but he loved me anyway. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with me despite the fact that I'm not 'whole.'"

He could tell that she was bitter, and he found himself becoming angry on her behalf. "Carina." He spoke more sharply than he had intended. "Tell me you don't feel that way about yourself."

She looked startled for a moment at the vehemence of his response, but then she shook her head. "No, I don't. But if you hear it often enough, it sticks in your head, you know?" Taking a deep breath, she went on. "You can't imagine what it was like here when you went to Iscandar. People got more and more crazy. By that summer, there were blatant campaigns going on against childless women. The government sponsored ads encouraging men to have their girlfriends 'tested' before marrying them, and some extreme fundamentalist religious groups popped up in favor of polygamy, or preaching that it was a sin for infertile girls to marry. Most people didn't believe what they taught, but still it was a rough time. The president refused to speak out against those groups… The united government isn't exactly sympathetic to women's causes now, but it was a thousand times worse that year."

Mark was horrified. "I heard rumors, but I couldn't believe they were true. The Star Force was sent out on PR tours right after we got back, and I think they kept a lot of things from us. I'm sorry." It seemed inadequate, but it was all he could think to say.

She smiled faintly at him. "Thanks. I certainly don't hold it against any man if having children of his own is important to him, but so many girls have been made to feel worthless. There are thousands of war orphans who need homes, too, but if the girls aren't married, they stand very little chance of being approved for adoption. Anyway," she said more brightly after a pause, looking at the sky, "we've stayed out past your bedtime. We'd better head back."

He wasn't satisfied that the conversation was over, but she was right – it was completely dark. Reluctantly he turned his chair toward the hospital. They moved slowly and in silence down the darkened path, the occasional lamp throwing dappled shadows on the ground through the trees. After a minute she spoke again. "Mark?" He stopped his chair and turned to her. "Listen, nobody knows about what I told you tonight, OK? I mean, Dr. Sane knows because he's my doctor, but nobody else. Even Nova doesn't know."

"I won't say a word – I promise. You can trust me." He was honored that she had chosen to confide in him.

"I know. Thank you," she responded, with a tilt of her head. She held his gaze for a few more seconds, making his heart beat faster, before suddenly dropping her eyes. Those eyes… So gentle and sweet, but every time he looked into them the air between them became dangerously charged. Flustered, he began moving toward the hospital again and took a deep breath of the fresh, chilly air.

Both lost in thought, they returned to his floor in silence, where a stern look from the duty nurse made Carina shrug sheepishly. "Sorry," she said. "We were out on the grounds and lost track of time. I know we've thrown you off schedule – I'll put him to bed."

The older nurse nodded tersely. "Let me know when you decide he's ready. I'll bring his meds." Carina thanked her and turned toward Mark's room. "She's not crazy about me," she whispered conspiratorially with a wink.

"I gathered that," he said with a grin. "I don't think I'd want to cross her."

As they reached his room, IQ-9 rolled by. "Mark Venture, do you need help getting ready for bed?"

"No thank you, IQ. I can manage the restroom by myself, and Lt. Clark will get me settled."

"Very well." IQ-9 began to roll away when Carina called to him. "IQ, could you come back in a few minutes and stick around? I need to talk to you about something. Just business," she added at Mark's questioning look.

He left Carina in his room while he showered and brushed his teeth. The bathroom had been fitted for someone in his situation, with strong arms but limited use of his legs. There were rails and platforms set so that he was able to manipulate himself in and out of the shower, and the sink was at a level that was convenient for him in his wheelchair. It had been chilly outside, and the warm shower felt good.

Carina had given him a lot to think about tonight. He had never considered what it would be like to fall in love with a girl and then find out that she couldn't have children. He supposed he had always assumed he would have kids one day, but he had never given it much thought, really. How important was it to him? Trelaina had been from a different planet. Would they have been able to have children? They hadn't gotten far enough for it to be a concern, true, but what if they had? His immediate instinct told him that love was more important to him than procreation was, but then how would the family and his friends react? Was it fair to make such a decision without considering Mom and Dad? It was a complicated issue, all right. A lot for a man to deal with, but he could only imagine what it was like for the woman.

While he was thinking, he had managed to get his pajama pants on, but now he looked around the bathroom and realized that the top wasn't in the room. Embarrassed, he draped a towel around his neck to cover part of his chest, and opened the door back into the main part of his room. "Uhhh…" he began with a chuckle.

She was facing away from him, fussing with the Christmas tree, and when she turned, he couldn't help but notice her eyes flick over his bare chest and arms, nor the quickly stifled but unmistakable look of appreciation that crossed her face. He felt himself blush and rubbed his cheek. "Have you seen my pajama top? I seem to have lost it…"

She was already walking toward him carrying it, however. "It fell off the bed. I figured you wouldn't appreciate me walking in on you." Her tone was carefully light, but she looked slightly flushed and seemed to have a hard time keeping her eyes on his face. He smiled to himself. This was not an unpleasant situation to be in. He knew he had to be careful, though – even though the door to the hallway was closed for privacy, after the day they'd had, he didn't dare tease her about it. It seemed the walls did have ears. Instead, he thanked her and quickly donned the shirt, watching her from the corner of his eye as she watched him from the corner of hers.

He stretched when he was done and rolled the chair to the side of the bed. The awkwardness of the situation struck him when she approached to help him out of the chair. "I might be able to do this myself tonight. You don't have to –"

"No, no," she interrupted. "Don't be silly. It's fine." She put her arm around his waist and lifted, keeping a firmer grip on his hand than she had last night. He was able to balance more easily tonight, and backed up to sit on the bed. His legs weren't strong enough yet for him to lift them from the floor, so she picked up his feet and swung him around. He noticed that while he had been showering, she had set things up for him. The head of the bed was raised so that he could sit and read comfortably, she had turned on the sheet warmer for him, and there was a glass of water on his bedside table. She also had his meds. "The night nurse dropped these off while you were in the bathroom," she said with a grin. "I think she wanted to make sure there was no hanky-panky going on."

He grinned back at her as he swallowed the pills. "Will I see you tomorrow?"

"Maybe," she nodded. "I have to do some work to make up for leaving early today. But I'm on hospital duty on Sunday, so I'll definitely see you then. Good night," she said, reaching out to tousle his hair before she turned toward the door.

It was a strange and funny gesture, probably meant to disperse any romantic tension between them. A wave of friendly affection washed over him as she turned to go, and he grabbed for her wrist. "Carina?"

She turned back to him, her face expectant.

"I love you, too," he said quietly. It had been several hours since she had told Jordy that she loved him. He hoped she knew what he was talking about. She sat on the bed beside him, smiling faintly, kissed his cheek and whispered "thank you" in his ear, but her voice was shaky. He pushed her shoulders back gently to look at her face, and saw her eyes brimming with tears. "Hey," he said softly, pulling her into a hug, "what's wrong?"

She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his shoulder, shaking with silent tears. He moved his hands awkwardly, trying to comfort her, unsure of what to do. She seemed to calm down when he stroked the back of her head… As she leaned into him the scent of her hair wafted toward him, causing his breath to catch in his throat. Although he knew he shouldn't, he moved so that his cheek was against hers, his nose in her hair, and breathed deeply. Her arms tightened around him, her breasts crushing against his chest, and pleasant warmth spread through his midsection. It felt good to be this close to her; he wanted to be even closer. For a brief moment he considered dipping his head further to nuzzle at her neck, but then his sense kicked in and he realized that was a Very Bad Idea. Instead he loosened his grip on her and pulled back, taking a deep breath and chiding himself. Why couldn't he control himself with her? "Shhhhh. What is it?" he asked gently.

"I'm sorry," she sniffled, pulling away and avoiding his eyes. "This day was just… it was horrible. I was hoping to hold it together until I got home, but then you… You're just…" She put her hand on his cheek, still teary but smiling weakly at him. "You're the best, Mark."

_The best_. Would she feel that way if she knew how close they had just come to having a repeat of last night? He took her hand from his face and squeezed it. "Thank you, Carina." His other hand was still on her shoulder and he pulled it away, trying to lighten the mood. "If I see you tomorrow, we might have to work a little harder on... uh…" he looked at his hand pointedly.

She chuckled, wiping her face. "Yeah, we almost made it through tonight, but we failed pretty miserably in the end, didn't we?" She kissed his cheek again, gave his hand a quick squeeze and stood. "I really should go so you can get some sleep, and IQ-9 is probably waiting for me. The weather is supposed to be beautiful all weekend. If I don't see you tomorrow, I'll take you out again on Sunday."

"I'll plan on it. Good night." He watched her leave. Things were certainly complicated with this girl. He did love her as a friend; the problem was that he also liked being physically close to her a little too much, and he was pretty sure she felt the same way about him. He couldn't do anything about it, at least not now, but he was pretty good at hiding his feelings – he didn't think anyone knew how he had really felt about Nova during the trip to Iscandar – and he thought he'd be OK until he got out of the hospital. But then what about the idea that he could approach her when he returned from his next mission? The knowledge that she couldn't have children had complicated that, too. What would he do if he had to choose between being with her and having children, assuming she even wanted to be with him? He sighed. Why couldn't his love life be easy, like Derek and Nova's had been? They had met, fallen in love, and were now going to get married. Shouldn't it always be that simple?

At least he would have plenty of time to work things out while the Argo was in space, he decided as he reclined his head. He might even find that time apart would help him to get over this infatuation and allow them to be good friends. In the meantime, he'd gain some control over himself and be satisfied with her frequent visits and her company.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

It became an almost nightly ritual for them: Carina would bring him dinner, either from a local restaurant or from her own kitchen; if the weather was good they would walk outside, or if not, they would stay in his room and play backgammon. The intense emotion that had been so prevalent during the first weeks of their acquaintance had dissipated, and they got to know each other on another level. They talked about their lives and their families, their likes and their dislikes. He told her stories of life on the Argo, and she told him stories of life on Earth when the Star Force was away. And more and more frequently, they discussed the development of Earth Defense's new automated fleet. Carina's team was developing the interface for the fleet, and Mark's suggestions and help in understanding the requirements were invaluable to her. At the end of the night, she would help him to bed, and they would have a few minutes of more serious conversation behind his closed door before she went home, kissing him on the cheek or the forehead as she left.

A side effect of their time together becoming less emotional was that it was much easier for them to maintain their resolve to keep a distance from each other physically. They hadn't entered the Danger Zone since that night when their pictures had been in the paper, when they had come close to losing control. Carina knew it was healthier for both of them to pull back from each other, and at least he wasn't using her as a substitute for Trelaina, but when she was being honest with herself she admitted that she missed being close enough to him to worry about it. She found herself thinking of him at night, wishing she could feel his arms around her again.

At the same time, she was glad to find that they continued to enjoy each other's company without that tension. The longer she knew Mark, the more she liked him, and it felt more like a genuine friendship now that they weren't always at maximum intensity. Although she hated to admit it, she had been a little worried that their friendship hinged on the drama. She still wondered whether it had fueled his attraction to her. These days she might catch him looking at her speculatively from time to time, but he had stopped flirting with her almost entirely and was careful not to touch her or look into her eyes for too long.

Mark's legs continued to improve quickly. He had traded his wheelchair for a walker, and then for a cane, and would be walking freely soon. Before Carina knew it, it was Christmas Eve and she was swamped with things to do. She was handling the music at the 1000 services in the hospital chapel in the morning, after which the nursing staff from each floor had special dinners planned for their patients, so she had to do some baking. She also had a few presents to wrap: a new pair of gloves for Stephen, whom she felt had enough electronic gadgets; a scarf for Homer; a bridal planning guide for Nova, although she was still avoiding the question of when she and Derek were going to be married; and a small photo album for Mark.

It was this last gift that Carina was nervous about. She knew it would please him, but she wasn't sure what his initial reaction would be. When he told her he was having trouble remembering what Trelaina looked like, Carina had the idea to check with IQ-9 to see whether he retained any images of their stop on Telezart in his data banks. The robot had provided her with a data tape, which she had reviewed to find images of Trelaina. She had printed the best ones and put together an album for him, with a lovely picture of Mark and Trelaina smiling at each other on the cover.

_Trelaina_. Mark had told Carina a great deal about her and had talked about her beauty more than once, but Carina hadn't been prepared for just how stunning Trelaina was. Everything about her was perfect – her thick blonde hair, her porcelain skin and sea-green eyes, her slender figure… Seeing the pictures made Carina feel like a monster, with her unruly hair, her unfortunate tendency to blush at the slightest provocation, and her wide hips. It was no wonder Mark wasn't interested in her, if this was what he'd lost. Not that they were in competition. AT ALL, she reminded herself with a sigh as she wrapped the book for the party tomorrow. It would still be unethical for her to date him, even if he did want her. Which he clearly did not.

_Oh, lighten up_, she chided herself as she put the wrapped presents by the door. _You're just lonely because it's Christmas Eve._ She turned on some Christmas music and sang along as she baked: apple pie, rum cake, tea cookies and sugar cookies, with extra batches to go in a basket for the Ventures, along with jars of local preserves, maple syrup and nuts she had brought from the US. Mrs. Venture and Jordy still came to visit Mark every day, and they had been so kind to her. She thought they would enjoy a reminder of home.

By the time the last batch of cookies came out of the oven, her mood had improved. She wondered whether she would see Mark at Mass. He had never heard her play and sing, and she had told him she was scheduled for the morning service. She knew that his family had brought him to the chapel the last few Sundays, and that he'd even attended daily Mass by himself once or twice. They had the same religious beliefs… another reason for her to crush on him, she thought ruefully. Well, in just over a week he'd be leaving for a couple of months – maybe then she would get back to her normal self.

After relaxing with a book for a couple of hours, she decided to call the family, since she couldn't be sure what time she would be home from the hospital party the next day. She punched in the code and the call was immediately answered by her sister, who was dressed for the holiday in a bright green dress with a shiny red garland draped around her neck. "Merry Christmas, Kate! You're looking festive," she smiled.

"Thank you Cricket," Kate said with a grin, pirouetting around the room so that both her skirt and her dark hair fanned out around her. "Do you like it?"

"The garland is _tres elegante_," Carina said. "What are you guys doing tonight?"

At that moment, their father entered the room, looking haggard. He smiled when he saw his older daughter and greeted her as Katie continued, excited. "We're going over to Eddie's for supper after church, and tomorrow the boys are coming over for brunch. Dad let me help make the food!"

"That's great," Carina enthused. She turned to her father, concerned. "Are you okay, Dad? You look a little tired."

"Oh, I'm all right," he said dismissively. "You know, planning for Christmas wears an old man out. How are things with you?"

She was a little worried, but smiled for his sake. "Great. I wanted to call and wish you all a merry Christmas tonight, since we're throwing a dinner for the patients on the floor tomorrow and I'm not sure what time I'll be home. Sounds like you'll be busy, too."

Katie made a goofy face at her. "Will Maaaaark be at the dinner?"

_Yikes_. Carina was trying not to talk about Mark too much, but apparently she wasn't succeeding. She tried to downplay her Kate's question. "Yes he will, since he's a patient on the floor. Stephen and Homer will be there as well. And Jooooordy will be there, too," she added, mimicking her sister's doe-eyes.

The little girl squealed. "Cricket, I don't even know him!" Carina loved seeing her happy and excited, as she was tonight. Kate was a bit of a misfit in school, as she herself had been, and sometimes it brought her down. She had talked Jordy up to the girl as someone she would click with when she came to visit. It was funny to see Kate's reaction.

"I keep telling you, he's going to be your new best friend." Carina winked at her sister and turned to their father. "What time are the boys coming over tomorrow?" Dad grew more alert as they talked, chatting about family news. When they finally said good night, Carina fell into bed and slept almost immediately, happy and relaxed.

* * *

Christmas morning was a bit of a blur. Carina dressed with extra care, telling herself she was doing so because it was a special holiday and not because she hoped to catch Mark's eye. She had bought a new dress for the hospital party, with a bodice of fitted green fabric and a full skirt of shimmery material in the same shade. It was modest enough to wear to church but festive enough to celebrate Christmas, and she knew it complemented her skin tone and flattered her figure. She dried her hair carefully so that it fell in soft waves and curls over her shoulders and took time applying her makeup. It wasn't a sin to have a crush on someone and try to look nice for him... As long as she focused on the Mass while it was going on and didn't spend the time "making eyes" at him, she figured she was okay.

By the time she dressed, she had to rush to deliver her gifts and food to the ICU before going to the chapel and checking in with the priest. As the worshipers began filtering in, she sat down at the organ and played traditional Christmas hymns softly. She recognized several of the doctors and nurses from the hospital among the congregants, and had seen a number of the patients and their families in the halls. Finally, about ten minutes before the service started, she spotted not only Mark but the entire Venture family, and her heart leapt. Mark genuflected awkwardly with his cane, and when he stood to enter the pew his eyes sought Carina. A strange expression passed over his face when he looked at her; he gave her a smile and a nod and knelt beside Jordy with his head bowed.

Carina focused on playing but couldn't help but glance at him from time to time – he looked quite handsome in his dress blues. She was gratified to see that, as often as not, his eyes were on her as well.

Father Dave was young and vibrant with a good sense of humor, and made the service interesting and relevant. His homily spoke to both the military and civilian worshipers, and Carina was able to keep her mind focused. During the offertory, however, she allowed herself to run on autopilot while her eyes drifted back to the pew where the Ventures were seated. Yes, Mark was definitely watching her, but also, his mother seemed to be aware that he was watching her. Carina saw her give him a sidelong glance, a smile on her lips. Great.

She refocused on the service and managed to keep her mind on it until the meditation after communion. When she finished performing "O Holy Night," she glanced at Mark and saw him looking at her with open admiration. His expression made her insides get squishy (she thought that was the technical term for it,) and she couldn't help but smile at him. She knew she must look smitten, but she wouldn't worry about that now.

The next thing she knew the congregation was joining her in singing "Joy to the World," signaling the end of the service. When the pews were empty, Carina collected her things and joined the Ventures. Jordy ran to her, saluting. "Hi Carina!" She smiled and saluted back. This kid really needed to meet her sister, although their combined enthusiasm might cause an explosion. "Merry Christmas, young Mister Venture! Are you excited?"

The boy nodded. "Yeah! And we're coming back here this afternoon to have Christmas dinner! Are you going to be here?"

"You bet," she replied, and turned to his parents. "Merry Christmas. How are you?"

"Fine, thank you dear," Mrs. Venture said. "You did a beautiful job today. You have a lovely voice – the music was wonderful."

Carina had never quite gotten used to people complimenting her. "Oh, thank you," she said, blushing and ducking her head.

Mr. Venture stood by his wife, nodding. "Very nice. Do you sing here often? We haven't heard you before."

"I usually do the evening Mass on Sundays," she told them. "I believe you've been attending in the morning. Anyway, it was a lovely service, wasn't it? Father Dave is great. We're lucky to have him here."

Mark appeared with his cane and put his arm around her shoulders. "You told me that you sang, but I didn't know you were a professional," he said with a smile. "That was amazing. Merry Christmas. "

"Thank you," she said again, red-faced but pleased. "I can't wait for you to hear the band next week."

At his parents' questioning looks, Mark explained, "They're throwing a farewell dinner party for us on New Year's Eve. The hospital thinks it will be good PR."

Carina nodded. "The next week is going to be crazy around here." A week. They were releasing Homer, Stephen and Mark from the hospital on January 2 (strictly a publicity move – the three men were ready to go home now,) and the Argo was launching on her training mission after the installation ceremony for the cadets on January 3. Earth Defense had decided it would be good press to throw a party in honor of the survivors of the Comet Empire War, and since several of the heroes were still recuperating, what better time and place than New Year's Eve in the formal function room at Central Hospital? The jazz group was performing during the cocktail hour – it would be a fun evening. But _a week._ She glanced at Mark, who returned the look and squeezed her shoulder. It didn't seem like enough time, and yet it had somehow only been a few weeks since they'd met. Carina felt as though she'd known him her entire life.

Mark let go of her shoulder as they started up the aisle but kept his hand on her back, guiding her. It was a gentlemanly, almost proprietary gesture that made Carina flush with warmth. She knew she should step away, but it wasn't hurting anyone, and after next week it wouldn't matter anyway. She wanted to build memories of him while she could.

Father Dave was greeting parishioners at the doors. Carina and Mark let the Ventures step ahead of them, Mrs. Venture giving them a satisfied smile as she passed. They glanced at each other, amused, and finally Mark let her go as he reached to shake the priest's hand. "Thank you, Father. It was a beautiful service. Another fine homily."

"Thanks, Commander." The young priest gave him a wide, toothy grin. "And our girl here did a good job, didn't she? I didn't realize you two knew each other." He turned toward Carina.

Mark agreed that the music had been wonderful as Carina stepped in to hug the priest. "Merry Christmas, Father," she said with a smile. "Any big plans?"

He shook his head. "I'm going to my sister's, then hopefully relaxing."

"Well, if you're looking for something to do later in the day, come on up to the Christmas party in ICU. I hear there may be adult beverages involved," she added in a stage whisper.

His laugh was loud and hearty. "Thank you – I may need some after this week. I said three Masses yesterday and my third one this morning is coming up. But I'll be with my family. Enjoy the party, both of you."

"See you Sunday, Father." She hugged him again and kissed his cheek, and she and Mark entered the hallway where the others were waiting.

After the Ventures said good bye, Carina and Mark rode the elevator to the top floor. He put his arm around her again as they exited onto the floor and raised his eyebrows at her. "My mouth is watering already. Is there anything a wounded soldier can do to get a sneak preview of dinner?"

She pushed him away playfully. "That would be against regulations, Commander," she said with mock scandal. But at his pathetic expression, she caved. "OK. Be a good boy and go to your room and I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you, Lieutenant." He grinned and kissed the top of her head, and she watched him return to his room. She wasn't sure what to make of his flirtatious attitude this morning. He must be in a playful mood because of the holiday. Well, she'd take what she could get.

The walls of the lounge were hung with pine and holly garlands; there were brightly decorated wreaths on the windows. A menorah stood on the hearth, and a table had been brought in and covered with a gold cloth and set with formal china and silverware. The tree in the corner was surrounded by colorfully wrapped gifts, and the nurses on the early shift had put a ham and a turkey breast in the oven, causing wonderful aromas to waft in from the staff kitchen off the lounge. Carina smiled. The cadets had done a good job decorating.

Nova was coming in at 1200 to help prepare the lunch, but there was no one in the kitchen now. Carina put together a plate of fruit, cheese and crackers for Mark. She looked again at the tree in the lounge, thought for a moment, and picked up her gift to him.

The door to his room was open. He had draped his dress coat over the back of a chair and seemed to be waiting for her, so she knocked on the doorjamb and stepped in. "Here you go," she said as she handed him the plate.

He looked at it doubtfully. "Really? This is the best you could do?"

"Come on! I risked life and limb, not to mention my career, smuggling these goods all the way down the hall for you. Besides, you need to save your appetite."

"Right." He sighed hungrily. "Thank you."

"I think you'll survive another couple of hours," she assured him as she put the wrapped photo album on the desk between them. "And to help tide you over, I brought you a present."

"What's this?" he gave her a questioning look. "I thought we were exchanging gifts after dinner."

"Yes, but this one… I'm not sure you should open it in front of everybody." Now that she was presenting it to him, she questioned whether it was as good an idea as she originally thought. What if it made him sink back into his depression, or, perhaps worse from her perspective, what if it made him fall freshly in love with Trelaina again? She smiled at him nervously as he picked up the package, curious.

"Thank you… Should I open it now?" When she nodded, he tore at the paper. It took a few seconds for what he was seeing to register on his face, but when it did, she knew she had done the right thing. His eyes shone with emotion.

"Carina, what… how…" he stammered as he opened the book and looked at each of the pictures. He looked at her, stunned. "I don't know what to say. How did you do this?"

"Remember when I had 'business' with IQ-9 a couple of weeks ago? This is what it was. When you told me you were having a hard time remembering what she looked like, I had the idea." She fidgeted with her hair. "Is it OK?"

"Oh, yes! It's amazing." He put the book down and took her hands, nodding at her, his eyes overflowing, then pulled her into his arms. He whispered in her ear. "_You're_ amazing. I have no idea what I would have done without you this month. How can I thank you?" The sensation of his breath in her ear sent a thrill down her spine. The neck of her dress dipped down in the back, and his hand traveled to the spot where the cloth met her skin, his thumb tracing circles on her bare back. She felt her own hand slide up to his neck and heard his breathing deepen as her fingers played with his hair. They stood that way for several long seconds before his arms tightened around her and she took a deep, shaky breath, pressing her face to his, his sideburns tickling her cheek. The spell was broken in the next moment, however, by a shriek of laughter from down the hall. The cadets were on their way to the lounge to finish setting up for dinner. Mark and Carina startled and jumped back from each other. His eyes were smoldering, making her feel weak in the knees, but the sounds from the hallway helped her to come to her senses and she realized she needed to put a stop to what was happening. Regretfully she loosened her grip and slid her hands down his chest.

"You can thank me by being happy," she whispered, her voice unsteady. "Don't forget Trelaina, but learn to be happy without her. You deserve happiness, Mark."

He stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers. "Carina, I haven't…" But he was interrupted by Nova's voice, greeting Stephen brightly across the hall. Carina glanced toward the door, smiled sadly and took a step back. "I think I'd better go. I have to help the other nurses. I'll see you at dinner, OK?" He nodded and she walked away, feeling his eyes on her as she left the room. She stopped at the nurses' station for a long, cold drink, steadying herself before joining the others in the lounge.

The nurses had appetizers and drinks available by the time the patients and their guests arrived at 1300. Homer walked in with his mother on his arm, followed by Mark and the Ventures, accompanied by Derek Wildstar, and finally Stephen and his parents. Carina smiled to see Homer with his mother. The two were obviously very close – the elderly woman was doting on the young man, who smiled from ear to ear. Stephen Sandor, she knew, did not have the same relationship with his parents. After the accident that had claimed his arms and legs and taken his sister's life, his parents had become cold and distant. Still, they were here now with him and they seemed to be getting along.

As the guests relaxed, Carina sat at the piano to play background music. Mark came by several times, bringing her a drink and asking whether she needed anything, but she was just as happy not to have to mingle. After about half an hour, Nova waved her into the kitchen. The cadets and other nurses were beginning to bring out the side dishes for dinner, and she and Nova were to carve the meat.

They set up next to each other on the small counter, and when they were alone Nova gave her a sly look. "Mark can't keep his eyes off you."

She couldn't help smiling, but deflected the comment. "Come on, Nova. He's just being friendly."

"I don't think so. He talks about you all the time, you know. Even Derek has noticed it. There's nothing wrong with that, Carina – you two are good together."

"Maybe, but I was his caregiver. It's only natural for him to project those feelings on me." Carina looked at her friend. "Nova, there are certain things I never want to be. One is a nurse who takes advantage of her patient's emotional vulnerability. One is a woman who gets caught up with an emotionally vulnerable man and ends up with her heart broken. And one is the consolation prize. If I allow anything to happen between Mark and me right now, I'll be all three of those things."

Nova brandished her carving knife at Carina. "OK, first of all, nobody thinks you're taking advantage of anybody. I don't think even O'Malley would accuse you of that at this point. And you may be right that Mark is emotionally vulnerable right now, but I know him pretty well, and I don't think whatever is going on between you two has anything to do with that. You're certainly not his consolation prize. I don't mean to denigrate Mark's feelings for Trelaina, but he spent more time with you in the first week after he woke up than he did with her in the entire time he knew her. I don't believe for a second that he's comparing you to her."

"You might be right, but he hasn't let go of her yet. And I am still his nurse." She sighed. "I really don't know what's going on between us, Nova, but I know it would be a huge mistake for me to let anything happen. You all are going away next week – maybe things will be different when you come back."

"All right." Nova looked like she wanted to say more, but she held back. "Promise me you'll keep an open mind?"

"My mind is open, believe me. It's just that now's not the time."

Nova gave her a measuring look, then grinned. "You've got it bad for him."

Carina groaned. "Nova…"

"You have! Come on – I think it's great."

Before Carina could respond, they were interrupted. "Hey, you two, are you almost ready? The boys are hungry."

"We're coming right now, Cindy." Carina picked up the plate of ham and extricated herself from her conversation with Nova.

"Here you go, everybody," she said as she deposited the plate on the table. Nova followed, putting the turkey down with a hearty "Enjoy!"

Jordy was fidgeting and tapped the chair beside him. "Carina, come sit next to me!"

"Sure, buddy," she said, but Mark put his hand on his brother's head.

"Jordy, scoot down a seat. Carina can sit between us." Carina smiled at him and kicked Nova's leg discreetly to keep her from commenting before taking her place between the two Venture men. After Homer Glitchman's mother said a blessing over the food, the party began. The families mingled happily with each other over the feast. Carina's desserts were served with coffee at the end of the meal, after which it was time to exchange presents.

The Ventures appreciated the basket of American foods that Carina put together for them, and Jordy especially enjoyed the freezer container of snow that she had brought him. It didn't last long, but he and Mark built a mini-snowman before it melted, decorating it with left-over vegetables. Carina was touched when Mrs. Venture presented her with a hand-knitted hat, scarf and mitten set, in the same shade of green as her dress – her best color.

During the confusion of cleaning up after the families left, Mark pulled her to a quiet corner of the room. "I couldn't get out to shop for you, obviously, but I described what I wanted to my mother and she picked it up for me. I hope you like it." He handed her a box awkwardly.

Inside was an elegant gold cross on a delicate chain. It was simple but beautiful, and Carina was stunned. "Mark, I… Wow. Thank you. Thank you so much." She kissed his cheek and asked him to help her put it on, turning around and lifting her hair. He clasped the necklace for her, his hands lingering, massaging her shoulders. Carina leaned into them for a few seconds but stepped away when she noticed that Nova was watching them. "Come on, help me find the sake set in the kitchen."

The cadets and most of the nurses had gone home and Homer went off with his mother; the others stayed behind to celebrate the holiday with their friends. Carina hadn't planned to stay, but the combined pressure of Stephen, Mark and Nova made her change her mind.

It was an enjoyable evening. Carina was quiet early on, a little shy about spending time with this group of old friends, but after several rounds of toasts she was completely relaxed. When the conversation turned to the automated fleet and Stephen asked her for an update on how the design plans were coming, she found her mind was a little fuzzy.

"It's going pretty well, I guess, but we're having trouble with the…" She couldn't come up with the word she was looking for and waved her hands in front of her. Mark interrupted.

"No, no, I thought you had decided to…" He waved his own hands, in a higher position than she had done, and she nodded.

"Oh, yeah. You're right."

Stephen looked confused, and Wildstar laughed. "Sandor, you created a monster when you introduced these two. They can read each other's minds."

"I can see that," Stephen chuckled. "Maybe I'll be able to get a straighter answer about the defense fleet when the sake hasn't been flowing so freely."

Carina had had much less to drink than the men, but she didn't have a very high tolerance level and she shrugged. "Yeah, ask me next week. And Wildstar, we don't read each other's minds. We share one brain."

"Well, whatever it is, we're all grateful that you brought Venture back to us." Wildstar raised his glass to her. It was embarrassing.

"He would have been fine without me," she said.

"Maybe," Mark put his hand on her arm, "but it would have taken me a lot longer to recover."

"You'd have been fine." She patted his knee and changed the subject. "Captain Wildstar, have you had a chance to review the computerized upgrades being done on the Argo?"

"Not yet. I'm a little nervous about them, to be honest, the Council seems so determined to automate every detail. Can you give me any inside information?" He seemed satisfied by her reassurances that the Argo wasn't being made into another Andromeda, and that the human factor would still be her strongest asset. Earth Defense was happy enough with the new toys it was creating in its automated fleet that the Argo would be left in peace, at least for now. She had worked with Stephen to ensure that.

"Thank you for helping us," Wildstar said. "Have you ever considered joining the Star Force?"

Mark poked her in the arm. "That's what I keep saying, isn't it? Sandor's lost a lot of good men. He needs a giant brain like yours on his team."

She rolled her eyes at him. "The next time you all go on a peaceful mission, when you're actually going to allow females other than Nova on board, you let me know and I'll get fitted for one of those sharp white-and-blue uniforms, okay?"

"That's an official enrollment," Nova smiled. "I'm going to hold you to it. It would be nice to have a little more estrogen on the ship." At the men's protests, she smoothed Wildstar's unruly hair. "You know I love you all," she said, "but sometimes I crave a little girl talk."

"Yeah," Carina added, "I don't hear you EDF boys talking much about lipstick and cramps…"

As they laughed, Mark finished his drink and put his arm around her. "You see why I love this girl so much?"

She blushed. "OK, I think it's time to shut you off. Are you ready to go back to your room?"

Wildstar stood. "Yes, it's getting late. Come on, Nova, we'll catch a cab."

Carina walked Stephen and Mark down the hall with some difficulty. Her head might be spinning a little, but they were both noticeably unsteady. Cindy was the duty nurse tonight and brought Stephen into his room while she put the gifts she and Mark had received under his tree. She didn't want to drive home, and he had agreed to let her leave them there until the next day. She turned around to find him looking again at the book of photos she had given him, and approached him to say good bye.

"Merry Christmas, sweetie. Thank you for everything. And thank your parents again."

"Thank _you_, love," he replied, glancing once more at the book before putting it on his bedside table. "Merry Christmas." He stepped forward and wrapped her in a bear hug, picking her up off the floor. She yelped and wrapped her arms around his shoulders for balance, laughing. He chuckled and released her slowly so she slid down his chest. Feet on the floor, she rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes, and he leaned his cheek on her forehead. She felt so warm in his arms, so safe and secure, and she didn't want to let go. Heat began to spread through her body and for a moment she considered giving in to her desires, but she was sober enough to know she shouldn't do that.

Letting go of his neck, she rested her hands on his shoulders, trying to step back. He kept his arms around her waist, however, and leaned back only enough to look her in the eye. "Carina…"

The intensity of the look, combined with the hoarse, slightly breathless sound of his voice, made her tingle. She had to stop this _now_. "Mark, don't." Her own voice was shaky, and she could feel herself trembling. She dropped her head, unable to look at him, unable to believe the words that were coming from her mouth. "Whatever you were going to say, please don't say it."

"But why not?" He sounded frustrated as he tipped her chin up so they were face-to-face. "I'll be out of the hospital soon, and –" a thought occurred to him. "And nobody needs to know! We can wait until I come back from my mission to tell anyone." He spoke in hushed tones, and his voice had become so eager, so hopeful, that she again considered giving in. He had a point, and she wanted him so badly that she couldn't think clearly. It would be so easy – all she had to do was lean into him, and there would be no more time for misgivings. But when she looked into his eyes, she could see that they were unfocused, and she realized that, as wonderful and warm as his breath felt on her face, she could smell the sake on it. Trying to clear her head, she took a deep breath and looked away from him. Her eyes landed on the cover of the book she had given him, the picture of Mark and Trelaina smiling shyly but happily at each other.

_Consolation prize_, she thought wretchedly, and reset her resolve. When she turned back to him, her voice was stronger. "Mark, you're not thinking about me right now. You're thinking about her," she began haltingly, reaching behind her back to take the hand which still rested on her waist. When he protested, she put her free hand on his mouth. "You are. And that's fine – that's the way it should be. It's why I put those pictures together for you. I just… We've both been drinking, and I don't want either of us to have regrets in the morning."

He slouched and backed off, resigned. "I'm not drunk," he protested, although he swayed as he said it. She smiled sadly and steered him toward the bed, her caretaker instinct taking over.

"We'll talk about it in the morning, all right?" she said. "I'll bring you some breakfast and we'll go for a walk."

The depressant effects of the alcohol were hitting him. He sighed heavily. "All right. Are you mad?"

"Don't be ridiculous." She paused, smoothing the hair on his forehead. "Are you?"

"Of course not. I just… I don't… What's wrong with me?"

It took her a moment to understand what he meant, but when he looked up at her, she saw rejection written all over his face. Against her better judgment, she sat down beside him, kissing his forehead and putting her hand on his cheek. "There's nothing wrong with you, sweetheart," she said tenderly. "Nothing at all. You're an amazing, incredibly attractive man. It's the timing that's wrong." Belatedly she thought maybe she shouldn't have said that, but she doubted he would remember much of what happened tonight anyway, so it was probably all right. "We'll talk tomorrow, okay?" He nodded and put his hand on her cheek as well. Much as she hated to leave him, she needed to do so before her resolve faltered again. She briefly considered his lips, but settled instead for kissing his cheek as she rose.

As she left the department, Carina stopped at the nurses' station to tell the nurse that she'd bring Mark his breakfast in the morning. Cindy looked at her closely. "You aren't driving home tonight, are you, Lieutenant?"

Maybe she didn't look as sober as she felt. "No, Cindy. I'm leaving my stuff here and walking home. I'm fine."

"Are you sure you don't want a security guard to take you home, ma'am?"

"No, no. It's only a couple of blocks, and there are plenty of people out tonight. Thanks, Cindy."

"Okay, if you say so. Merry Christmas, Lieutenant."

She walked home, confused. Part of her couldn't believe she'd turned him down, but she knew if she had kissed him tonight and tomorrow he tried to back away, it would kill her. At least he still found her attractive, she reflected as she crawled into bed, noting that the room was spinning slightly. She closed her eyes and put her hands on her head, and soon fell asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Mark awoke to the sound of the curtain in his room being pulled back. The dim light the windows admitted hurt his head. He turned to look and saw Carina standing by his desk in an Earth Defense sweatshirt and khakis. "Good morning, sunshine," she chirped in her most irritating tone. Ugh. Was she deliberately trying to punish him? What happened last night? He had a quick flash of a memory and groaned. Yes, she probably was punishing him. He put his hand over his eyes to block the light. At least the sun wasn't shining.

"Uh… Hi. What's going on? What time is it?" he asked groggily. His mouth tasted terrible and his head was pounding. Well, that was his own fault.

"It's 0900," Carina said more gently. "Nova let you guys sleep in, but I brought you some breakfast. Nothing too gooey," she added, "just tea and toast. Homemade bread."

He tried to nod, but the motion hurt his head. His stomach was churning as well, but toast would probably be okay. "Thanks. I don't know what I was thinking last night. Any chance you brought aspirin with you?"

"As a matter of fact I did bring something for your head. I had a bit of an issue myself this morning and had it on hand." She gave him her arm to help him out of bed and led him to the desk, where she had laid two place settings. He swallowed the white pill from his plate with a sip of tea and closed his eyes. When he did, an image came to him of holding her and refusing to let go, of trying to talk her into kissing him… Had that really happened, or was it a dream? He'd had a lot of strange dreams last night, about both of them: Carina and Trelaina. He'd better find out. "Carina," he began, "last night, did I… Did I try to…" This was awkward.

She nodded, looking as embarrassed as he felt. "Yes. But don't worry about it. Nothing happened. Don't go out of your way to try to remember – I think we'll both feel better if we forget the whole thing." Without looking at him, she added, "I'm going to toast this bread. I'll be right back." She hurried from the room.

While she was gone, he closed his eyes again and thought about what had transpired. Most of it was fuzzy – he couldn't remember the details of what they said or did, and that was probably just as well – but he had a sense of what had happened, and what had put a stop to it. Trelaina. He'd been looking at her picture right before he embraced Carina, and she probably assumed that he'd been thinking of Trelaina when he tried to... Wow, he found a new way to alienate this girl almost every time he saw her. If it had been him, he probably would have blown a whistle in her ear to wake her this morning.

When she returned with his toast she acted cheerful enough, but he thought it seemed forced. He ate a few bites in silence while she straightened the room, then took a deep breath. "Carina, I'm sorry about last night."

She topped off his cup of tea and wiped a crumb off the table before answering him. "It's fine, Mark. Nothing happened." Still standing, she filled her own cup and then fussed with the tea cozy, avoiding his gaze. Frustrated, he grabbed her hand.

"Hey, sit down and talk to me, will you? I'm serious." She sighed, and when she finally sat and looked at him, he could see that she was nervous. Her eyes looked a little tired and bloodshot, too, but he imagined his own were much worse.

"Mark," she said, "we both screwed up. Again. We've been through this before – can't we leave it at that and forget it?"

No – it was different this time, and he wanted to talk it through. He shook his head and dove in. "Listen, I shouldn't have gotten drunk. I know that. I certainly shouldn't have let you come in here alone with me when I was drunk. You're so beautiful, and – and I don't have a lot of self-control with you even when I'm sober." She blushed and looked down, but he thought he saw a hint of a smile on her face. Good. He pressed on. "I apologize for putting you in that situation, but what I'm sorry for is hurting you. Carina…" He took her hand in both of his and waited for her to look him in the eye again before going on, struggling to find the words he wanted to say. "You know that I'm not… That I don't wish you were her, don't you? Trelaina? You know that I'm not thinking of her when we're together, or pretending that you're her? Because I'm not. At all." He could tell from the look on her face that that was exactly what she had been thinking. He suddenly found himself becoming emotional. Maybe it was because of his lingering hangover. "You're so special to me – I hope you know that. I don't regret what happened last night. If the circumstances were different –" but she stopped him with a look and the slightest shake of her head.

Her eyes were glistening, and she had a tight grip on his hand. "You shouldn't apologize, Mark – you didn't 'put me' in any situation. I'm a big girl, and I'd had more to drink than I should have, too. It's not as though you tried to force yourself on me." Her eyes darkened as she reached across and put her free hand on top of his. He felt his heart skip a beat. "Mark, you have no idea how special you are to me, too. And I hope you don't think I'm being a… a tease, because I'm really not. Or – I don't mean to be. Nothing I've said or done with you has been anything but sincere. But… We've spent a lot of time together this month. It's an artificial situation. We don't know what's going to happen when you go away and we don't see each other every day. You're my b– you're one of my best friends, Mark. I won't let anything happen to jeopardize that."

He wanted to object, but he could see how it could damage their friendship if they stepped over the line. Women seemed to have an instinctive understanding about emotions. Nova had always been smarter than he was about the personal things, too.

"I see what you mean. And Carina, I would never think of you as a tease. Don't ever feel that way," he said, feeling himself blush. This wasn't the sort of conversation he normally had with women. "But I'm not going to be away forever. In a couple of months…"

She held up a hand to stop him. "Let's think about that when we get there, OK? No expectations."

He nodded and held her gaze for a few more seconds, feeling tremendous affection for her, then squeezed her hand and let it go, returning to his tea. Clearing his throat, he asked, "What's on your schedule today?"

Looking relieved at the change of subject, she glanced at the window. "I thought we might take a walk in the snow, unless you have something else planned."

_Snow_? His head whipped around and he was surprised to see white flakes falling from the sky. He had been so preoccupied, he hadn't even noticed it. "Wow. I haven't seen snow on Earth since…" How long had it been? Years – probably since before he'd entered the academy. "I'm not sure I have the right clothes."

She assured him that they could borrow whatever he needed, and they relaxed as they finished eating their toast. It was cold by now, but he didn't mind.

He brought his cane outside with him for safety, but as soon as they began to walk he discovered that it was actually more dangerous for him to use the cane on the slippery ground than to walk without it. Carina ran it back into the hospital lobby and offered him her hand for support in its place. He was more than happy to make the exchange. They walked the hospital grounds hand-in-hand slowly for over an hour, catching snowflakes on their tongues and throwing snow in each other's faces like children. Mark couldn't remember when he had felt so carefree, and wished that the day would last forever. As they neared the end of the trails around the grounds, however, his hips and knees began to ache. It was the longest he'd been on his feet without a break since he'd been in the hospital, and he imagined the cold and damp weren't helping.

He limped along without saying anything to Carina, although she seemed to sense he was having trouble, letting go of his hand and offering her arm for more solid support. By the time they left the manicured trail for the paved path back to the hospital, he had stiffened enough that he stumbled badly. She caught him around the waist and looked at him with alarm. "Are you all right? Do you need me to get a wheelchair?"

After a moment he regained control and put his arm around her shoulder. Wincing, he said, "No, I'll be all right if I can lean on you until we get inside."

She looked at him doubtfully but nodded and tightened her grip around his waist, carrying as much of his weight as she could. "We need to get you into some dry clothes ASAP. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kept you out in this weather. I wasn't thinking."

"No – it's my own fault," he grunted as they hobbled along. "I knew we should have headed back a while ago, but I was being selfish. I wanted to take advantage of the time we have left."

She grinned up at him, pausing to adjust her grip. "Good to know you can still turn on the charm when you're in pain." Her cheeks were flushed pink from the cold and exertion, her hair had curled softly and was crusted with snow, and there were snowflakes melting on her eyelashes. She looked adorable. He couldn't help himself – he leaned in and kissed the bridge of her nose. He thought she would reprimand him, and was pleasantly surprised when instead she pressed her face into his neck in a brief embrace. He held her for a few seconds before letting her go and said, "Come on. We're almost inside."

She helped him through the entrance and brought him his cane. They stopped at the nurses' station on his floor, where Carina asked Nova for some pain pills and ordered a fresh pot of tea and some soup from the cafeteria. In his room, she helped him collect a dry uniform and ordered him to take a hot shower, after which he found her a pair of pajama pants and a shirt and ordered her to take a hot shower of her own and send her wet clothes to the laundry to dry. She could develop pneumonia as easily as he could, he argued against her protests. While she was showering, he sat on the bed. She had raised the head, and he noticed that she had turned the warmer on for him. The heat, combined with the pills from Nova, made his legs feel better almost immediately.

Carina appeared in the bathroom door, trying to tie his flannel pants tightly enough around her waist that they wouldn't fall down. He found himself staring at the creamy skin of her exposed belly, and looked away. Her arms were dwarfed by his shirt sleeves, and her damp hair curled around her freshly-scrubbed face. "No hairbrush, eh?" she questioned him. "Just a comb? This is _not_ the right setup for a girl. How about some socks?"

"Sorry," he grinned. "I should have stocked up on styling products. Socks are in the top drawer." As she slipped them over her feet, a knock came on the door and Nova poked her head in.

"Your lunch is here. Carina, the robot will take your clothes to the laundry. They'll bring them back ASAP." She opened the door wider and one of the hospital's service robots wheeled in a cart of food: a pot of tea, a tureen of chicken soup and a loaf of fresh bread. Carina exchanged their wet clothes for the food and thanked the robot, and Nova smiled at them and exited.

The bed was comfortable and, more importantly, warm. Even after a hot shower Mark felt chilled from the walk through the snow, and the heat was soothing his aching joints. Not wanting him to move to the desk to eat, Carina wheeled the tray of food within reach of the bed and took her spot at his feet. When Mark swung the bed tray around into its locked position, they discovered it was much closer to him than it was to her. She would have to perch in the middle of the mattress to eat, with nothing to support her back. "Uh," he said uncomfortably, "there's plenty of room here if you want to share the tray." He moved over as far as he could to one side of the mattress. She looked at him for a moment, then shrugged and moved to sit beside him. There was enough room on the bed for them to sit with a few inches of space between them, and Mark was careful not to touch her as they ate in silence, both ravenous.

After she had eaten two bowls of soup and half a loaf of bread, Carina sat back, hugging her knees to her chest. "Oh, gosh, I had forgotten how hungry being out in the snow makes you. And how sleepy, too," she added with a yawn, leaning into him. She smelled of fresh soap and shampoo, and he put his arm around her. She snuggled against him and sighed contentedly. "I'm going to miss you."

He kissed the top of her head. "I'm going to miss you, too."

"Yeah, but you'll be on a mission with plenty to distract you," she whined. "I'll be here pining away. What am I supposed to do every night? Throw myself into my work?"

He chuckled and rubbed her arm. "That wouldn't be the worst thing you could do. You enjoy your work. Or you could sing every night."

"I guess. Not as much fun as hanging around with you, though." He pulled her closer, touched, letting her go a few minutes later as she sat up straight. "I'd better gather my stuff together," she said regretfully, standing. "I'll have to leave as soon as my clothes come back from the laundry. I have a rehearsal tonight and I need a nap."

He raised his eyebrows and tapped the bed beside him. "Plenty of room here if you need it," he said. _Where did that come from?_

She smiled indulgently at him and patted his head like he was a child. "Didn't we just have this conversation? Not a possibility."

"Can't blame a guy for trying," he smiled with a shrug, surprised with himself for being so bold. There was a knock on the door and IQ-9 entered with their clothes, cleaned and folded. Mark swung his legs off the bed. "IQ, they have you on laundry duty now?"

"It's humiliating," the robot said. "A robot with my experience and intelligence should be assigned to much more challenging projects, Venture. I am looking forward to our upcoming mission."

"I'll bet you are." Mark separated his own clothing from Carina's and added hers to the basket she was using to carry her Christmas gifts home. "You can wear that home if you want," he said, indicating the shirt and pants he had loaned her. She nodded and thanked him, and he helped her bring her things to her air car.

Back in his room, he crawled into bed. Carina was right – being out in the snow was exhausting. He sighed. Something had changed between them in the past couple of days, enough that he couldn't define exactly how he felt about her anymore. He wanted her – God, he wanted her – but it was so much more than that. And yet, he still loved Trelaina, didn't he? _Of course_, he chided himself. He hadn't had the chance to develop the kind of friendship with Trelaina that he had with Carina, but that didn't mean his feelings for her weren't real. _Then what is it I feel for Carina?_ He didn't have an answer.

Nova chose that moment to check on him. She frowned when she saw his face. "What's wrong, Mark? You look like you have something on your mind. Didn't you have a nice day?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, it was great," he said, distracted. Maybe she could help him sort this out. "Nova, can I ask you something?"

"Of course." She had been checking his pulse, more to satisfy hospital protocol than out of medical necessity, and now she looked up. "What's up?"

He wasn't sure how to ask delicately, so he came right out with it. "Do you think it's possible to love more than one person?"

She considered him for a minute before speaking. "I think… I think that when you've lost the person you love, your heart feels like it will never move on. But if your heart has the capacity for great love, then it's not fair to keep it contained. Your heart has that capacity. I've always known that. That doesn't detract from how much you loved Trelaina, but it does mean you need to be careful that no one gets hurt, including yourself." Nova hesitated. "She has legitimate reasons for holding back from you, Mark, not the least of which is the fact that she's your caregiver. She's being cautious for both of you. Give it time."

He supposed he shouldn't be surprised that she knew exactly why he had asked the question. He nodded. "Sure. Thank you, Nova." She turned to go, and he called to her again. "Nova? Don't tell anyone we talked about this, okay?"

"Talked about what?" she asked with a wink as she exited the room.

When he was alone, he thought about what she'd said. Nova hadn't thought he was horrible for having feelings for a woman who wasn't Trelaina. It was complicated, to be sure, but all right. If they couldn't be together romantically right now, and he thought he understood why they couldn't, then he would be content to be her friend during the limited time they had left together. He could wait to see if something more developed between them. It had only been a few weeks, after all.

* * *

New Year's Eve came quickly for the Star Force amid preparations for the events surrounding their release from the hospital and the training mission. General Stone and Commander Singleton himself met daily with the officers of the Argo, briefing them on the scope of their training mission, providing them with the names and backgrounds of the new cadets. Wildstar met privately with Mark and Sandor every afternoon, planning the details of their training strategy.

Carina also visited Mark every night, sometimes with Sandor as well. She brought the specs and plans for the automated fleet; they made corrections and suggestions that she brought back to Earth Defense. They were wrapping up the design phase, and she told Mark his suggestions were considered very valuable. The two of them worked side-by-side at his desk, reviewing papers with their heads bent together. The electricity continued to flow between them, but they were behaving themselves. More or less. He had gotten in the habit of occasionally running his hand over her back while they talked, and once or twice she had emerged from the bathroom to rub his shoulders and put her arms around his neck (relaxing his shoulder muscles but stirring other feelings in him,) but the evenings ended with nothing more than a quick hug and a chaste kiss on the cheek

They had begun preparations the Sunday after Christmas, and after four straight days of such meetings, Mark was glad to have New Year's Eve off to prepare for his departure from the hospital. His mother and Jordy brought storage boxes for the Christmas decorations and helped him dismantle the room. "How long are you going to going to be away, Mark?" his brother asked.

"Should be just about six weeks, Jordy. Then they'll decide what to do with me next."

"I hope they let you stay on Earth for a while."

"It would be nice to have you around longer than a few weeks," his mother agreed. "We've gotten used to seeing you."

Mark nodded. "I wouldn't mind staying on Earth, if there's an interesting assignment. I don't want to go back to flying transport ships, that's for sure."

A young nursing cadet poked her head in. "Do you need help with anything, Commander Venture?"

"No thank you, Melissa," he smiled. "Lieutenant Clark is going to help me finish getting organized tomorrow."

"OK. I'm going to help Ensign Glitchman pack, then. Let me know if you need me." The girl smiled and turned away.

"The nurses do love Homer," Mark said as he wrapped a string of lights.

"Not all of them, Mark." His mother was giving him _that look_ again.

"Mom –" he began, but she cut him off.

"Don't worry, I'm not trying to run your life. And I'm not asking you to rush out and start producing grandchildren right away. I just want you to be happy, and for the past few weeks you've been happy." She smiled. "And that's all I'm going to say about it."

Mark nodded uncomfortably. What would Mom say if she knew that being with the girl who was making him happy would prevent him from _ever_ producing grandchildren? He never thought about Carina's condition when he was with her, but he did wonder – was it his duty to consider the future of Earth over his own happiness?

His thoughts were interrupted by his little brother. "What are you guys talking about?"

"Nothing, Jordy. Hey, do you want to take the popcorn and cranberries from the garland you made and feed them to the birds outside?"

It was a beautiful day. The early winter snow had melted in a day or two, and the sun was warm. They scattered the remains of the garland along the wooded trails, after which Mark helped them load the car with the Christmas decorations and retreated to his room to get ready for the party. They had been asked to wear their dress uniforms – the press would be there, and there were to be presentations and dancing. He found himself wondering what Carina would wear to play a formal "gig" with her band.

He sighed. Mom's comment about grandchildren had thrown him, although he knew it shouldn't. Whatever it was that he felt for Carina, and it had only grown since Christmas Day, the truth was that they had known each other less than a month and had never exchanged so much as a quick peck on the mouth. He hadn't told her how he felt about her, although he was sure she had a pretty good idea; nor had he asked her how she felt about him, although he thought (and hoped) he had a pretty good idea himself. It was ridiculous to think about the future, especially right before he flew off into space again.

This less-than-happy rumination was cut short when Wildstar and Nova knocked on his door. He smiled at his friends. "Hi, guys. Ready in a minute." Nova looked lovely in a fitted black dress, and after he put on his shoes she pinned a boutonnière on his jacket. "Happy New Year, Mark. The flowers are a gift from the nursing staff to our heroes."

"Thank you, Nova." It reminded him of another boutonnière she had given him, when he went to meet Trelaina. The memory made him smile, and he realized what a long way he had come from when he couldn't think of Trelaina without tearing up.

The three of them went across the hall to meet Sandor, who was tying the ascot on his olive green army uniform, and finally stopped to pick up Homer, who wore the same uniform as Mark and Derek, minus the officers' coat. They made their way to the function room, where Dash and Eager were waiting at their assigned table: the bridge crew had been placed front and center in the room. Two more tables were occupied by Dr. Sane with the remaining life group and navigation group members, and by the survivors from the engine room, gunnery and science group. Twenty-two survivors in total. The number had been bad enough in the abstract, but seeing all of the remaining crew members gathered in this small space drove home the tragedy of the war. Mark closed his eyes for a moment and prayed for the souls of the dead.

Behind the tables were rows of chairs, occupied by Council members, EDF brass, politicians and, Mark was surprised to see, family of the surviving Star Force members. He scanned the crowd until he found his parents, smiling at him. He turned to Wildstar to ask him what was going on, but Wildstar looked as confused as he was.

The Commander stood in front of the band to speak. After thanking the attendees for coming, he addressed the audience. "We all owe a tremendous debt to the Star Force," he said. "Without these heroes, Earth would now be under the command of Prince Zordar and the Comet Empire. Although we will never forget the brave men who fought and died defending our freedom, we are here tonight to honor these men, and woman," he added, nodding at Nova, "who lived to fight another day.

"These soldiers deserve our deepest respect and gratitude. While we cannot fully express our thanks to them, at this time I would like to personally present each of them with the United Earth Government's highest award, the Federation Medal of Honor." _Medal of Honor?_ Mark and Derek looked at each other, stunned.

He called each soldier up, beginning with Dr. Sane, Nova and Wildstar and moving on to the wounded, from the lowest in rank to the highest. Sandor and Mark were the last to be called, and Mark stood at attention while the Commander pinned the medal to his jacket, saluted him and shook his hand. His eyes sought Carina at her spot behind the piano. Her shoulders were wrapped in a black shawl against the function hall's chilly air, but her face was radiant. She smiled at him proudly and gave him a discreet salute as he joined the others in rank behind the Commander. He felt the corner of his mouth pull back and winked at her, grinning more broadly when he saw her blush.

Commander Singleton spoke again. "I ask you all now to stand and join me in saluting these brave soldiers as well as those who were lost in the fight against the Comet Empire, including Trelaina of Telezart." Mark bowed his head for a moment, then stood straight and faced the audience.

The guests stood and saluted the Star Force, open hands against foreheads, as a lone trumpet played a melancholy rendition of "The Scarlet Scarf." There were tears in many eyes, and when the salute ended, the applause lasted for several minutes. The commander invited the families to stay for a reception of cocktails and hors d'oeuvres, and the band began to play as a team of robots cleared away the chairs and set up tables for the formal dinner which would follow when the families had gone.

"Son, we're so proud of you." Dad approached, shaking Mark's hand and clapping him on the shoulder.

"Thanks, Dad. It was quite a surprise. I wasn't expecting to see you and Mom here tonight." He looked for his mother and found her hugging Wildstar, who was alone since Nova's parents had closed in on her.

"Derek, I know your parents are bursting with pride looking down on you. We owe you so much, for saving Earth and for bringing Mark back. You deserve the best of everything. I'm so happy for you and Nova."

Derek looked slightly embarrassed and Mark grinned at him. "Thank you, Mrs. Venture. I hope my parents are proud, wherever they are."

"I'm sure they are." She turned to Mark. "As we are of you, Mark." She kissed him.

"Thanks, Mom."

"Commander Singleton told us you'd be receiving a medal and asked us not to let you know we were invited to the ceremony, but we didn't know you were going to receive such a high honor," Dad told him, and Mom nodded.

"We might have tried to bring Jordy with us if we had realized."

When a waitress approached with a tray of food, Mark realized that he should let his parents relax for a few minutes. "Come sit down and have a snack," he said. "Can I get you something to drink?"

He settled them at the bridge crew's table with a selection of appetizers, beer and wine. Mark stood in silence for a few minutes, giving his seat to Homer's mother, until his father spoke. "The band is very good."

He wasn't talking to him, but Mark realized that he had been lost in the music. He could understand why Carina loved this style so much. "Yes. I've never heard them before."

His mother looked as though she was going to say something, but changed her mind and instead asked him, "Is there anything else at the hospital that you'd like us to bring home while you're away?"

"I don't think so, thanks, Mom. If I need you to take anything, I'll let you know."

"Can we take you to breakfast the day you're released? Jordy would love to spend time with you once more before you take off again."

"Sounds good, Dad."

There were several couples on the dance floor, and when the band began a slow song Mark's father asked his mother to dance. Mark watched them with a smile. After all these years, it was obvious that they still loved each other very much. _I hope that someday_… He found himself glancing at Carina. She was completely absorbed in the music, swaying to the beat and occasionally sharing some sort of silent communication with the drummer and the bass player: they would look at each other and laugh or nod simultaneously. He was fascinated watching her – it was as if the music was a physical part of her.

Before he knew it, ten minutes had passed and the family members who had stayed for the reception were beginning to clear out so that the military dinner could begin. His parents returned from the dance floor and gathered their things. Mark lingered with them at the exit, and when he turned to make his way back, he noticed the style of the music had changed. A solo guitar was playing, and he heard Carina's voice:

"_Kiss me once, then kiss me twice,_

_Then kiss me once again._

_It's been a long, long time…"_

He stepped through the crowd to watch, and stopped short when he saw her. She was sitting on a stool, lit by a spotlight. Her shawl was gone, revealing a form-hugging black dress with straps for sleeves and a low neckline. Sparkles on the dress danced as she moved to the music. She felt his eyes on her and turned, and Mark swallowed hard as she sang directly to him.

"_You'll never know how many dreams I dream about you,_

_Or just how empty they all seem without you."_

Their eyes locked, and he saw her cheeks turn pink before she turned away from him to finish the verse. Mark sat down heavily. When the spotlight shifted to the guitarist for her improvised interlude, Dash turned to him. "Wow, Venture. You're a smooth operator."

Mark bristled as the others laughed. "We're just friends, guys."

"Don't believe him," Homer said. "Those two have spent the entire month together."

"Because we're _friends_, Homer."

"Uh huh." Homer nodded, and Mark couldn't help but smile as the light focused back on Carina and she began to sing again. He saw Nova glance at him and whisper something to Wildstar, but he stopped paying attention – he stopped _breathing_ – when Carina sang to him.

"_Haven't felt like this, my dear,_

_Since I can't remember when._

_It's been a long, long time."_

Her eyes bore into his, making him feel that she was singing the words specifically for him, and the rest of the room seemed to disappear. He wondered whether he looked as dumbstruck as he felt as she turned away to sing the bridge, and decided that he must look that way when her eyes crinkled with humor as she turned back to him for the ending.

"_It's been a long, long time…_

_Long, long time."_

During the applause, it was Eager who turned to face him. "How do _I_ get a friend like that?"

Dash threw a peanut at him. "Yeah, Venture, you go right on telling yourself that you're just friends."

Mark grinned sheepishly. "Listen, guys, she's a nice girl, OK? Nothing's happened between us."

Nova jumped in to rescue him. "He's right, guys. Carina and I are old friends. Don't say anything about her that you wouldn't say about me."

That shut them up. Mark smiled at her gratefully and took a long pull from his beer. The next song had begun, anyway, a drum joining the guitar, and he sat listening as Carina sang to the room. He told himself there was nothing different between the way she sang to him and the way she sang to the general audience, but when she turned and faced him, the room around him disappeared once again.

"_You go away and my heart goes with you._

_I speak your name in my every prayer._

_If there is some other way to prove that I love you,_

_I swear I don't know how._

_You'll never know if you don't know now."_

When she finished, he had tears in his eyes, and he thought she did as well. She looked at him for another moment, making him feel uncomfortably warm, then turned to face the room. "Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. If you'll return to your seats, dinner will be served in just a few minutes. The EDF string quartet will play for you while you dine. Enjoy your evening." She bowed once more and exited the stage. Mark noticed that the majority of the band was already gone – they must have cleared their things during the final two solo numbers. He also noticed that everyone at his table was staring at him. Embarrassed, he stood up, giving them a look that dared them to comment.

"I'm going for another beer before they serve the food. Does anybody want anything?"

Once again, Nova came to his rescue. "I'll help you carry, Mark."

A line had formed at the bar – all the patrons wanted to refill before the food was served – and Mark took advantage of the wait to talk to Nova privately. "I'm not sure I know what to think anymore, Nova. Carina acts like she wants to be with me, but she backs off every time I get too close. You know her pretty well. Do you think the guys are right?"

She put her hand on his arm. "Honestly, I suspect she's as confused as you are. She's not playing games with you, I can promise you that. But I think she's nervous. She doesn't want to admit that she cares for you because she worries that your feelings will change when you're not spending so much time together, and she also feels a little guilty because she's afraid she's betraying her fiancée. The two of you should have a long talk after we get back."

Mark nodded. "Yeah. Thanks, Nova." He felt another feminine hand on his back and his heart leapt.

"Buy me a drink, Sailor?"

He turned to Carina with a smile and put his arm around her shoulders. "My mother warned me about girls like you."

"And yet, here you are." She reached up and kissed his cheek. "Congratulations doesn't seem like a strong enough word for the Medal of Honor. I'm so proud of you. And you too, Nova. All of you," she added.

Nova smiled. "Thanks, Carina. The band sounded wonderful. I loved the two songs you did at the end."

"Absolutely beautiful," Mark agreed softly, smiling when he saw her cheeks redden.

After they got their drinks, Carina followed them to the Star Force's table to talk to Sandor. She hugged him, offering her congratulations, and he thanked her. "Would you like to join us? We can fit another person at our table."

Shaking her head, she motioned toward the side of the room. "The band has its own table." She turned to Mark. "We'll be here all night. Promise you'll dance with me so I'm not a wallflower?"

"Of course." She said good bye and went to join the band, and he sighed. Nova leaned into him. "It'll work out, Mark. You know it will."

"I hope so," he responded.

As dinner was served he relaxed, although he found his eyes frequently drawn to the band's table. He knew, of course, that Carina had a life of her own separate from her time with him, but he had never been witness to it before. She laughed and talked with the other musicians, completely free and unself-conscious. The fact that she had no idea how stunning she was astounded him.

He was distracted enough that, after having to repeat questions or comments to him several times, his friends finally gave up, exasperated and amused. He shook his head apologetically. "Sorry, guys. I'm not sure where my head is tonight."

Sandor chuckled at him. "We all know where your head is. You've got it bad, Venture. It wasn't what I had in mind when I asked Carina to befriend you, but I think it's a good thing."

Mark rubbed the back of his head, embarrassed at being so transparent but secretly pleased that he had the blessing of his friends. No one was judging him for moving on from Trelaina too quickly. They knew his heart had been broken, but it had been nearly three months since they thought she had been killed when Telezart was destroyed. Although she was still in his heart, he knew – he _knew_ – that she wanted him to be happy. He hadn't been looking and he wouldn't have thought it possible a month ago, but Carina had shown him that he could love again.

Now, if only he could be sure she felt the same way about him. He turned to Sandor and spoke privately. "Thanks, Sandor, but I'm sure she'll forget all about me by the time we get back."

"I don't think so." Sandor shook his head.

"Neither do I," Nova interjected quietly. "I haven't seen Carina this happy since we were at the academy." At Mark's look, she added, "I know nothing's happened between you. I also know that your faces light up when you see each other. Mark, you once told me that when two people find each other, they shouldn't wait because they can never be sure there will be a tomorrow. You should understand that better than anyone. After we get back, tell her how you feel."

Mark started to nod, but stopped short when Wildstar, who had been listening, joked, "What's the worst thing that can happen? That your kids will look like you instead of like her?"

Letting out a groan, he reached for his beer. "It's complicated," he said, taking a drink. "Anyway, I don't need to figure it out tonight. When are you two getting married?"

He sat back, pleased at having successfully directed the conversation away from himself. Sandor laughed as Wildstar and Nova looked at each other. They were spared having to answer when Eager, who had been eyeing the band's table much of the night himself, broke in. "Hey, Venture, do you think some of those lady band members might like to dance with us tonight? Maybe you could put in a good word for us with Lieutenant Clark."

"I don't know any of them, Eager, but it couldn't hurt you to ask. I'm sure they'd be glad to dance with Earth's greatest heroes."

Dash slapped Eager on the shoulder. "You'd better hurry, though. There are twenty of us and only fifteen of them. Looks like only a couple of those girls are shorter than you, Eager."

Eager grinned. "That's why I want Venture to speak up for me. I thought that drummer was kind of cute, and it looks like she's friendly with Lt. Clark."

"All right, Eager, I'll see what I can do." Mark chuckled.

His beer was gone, and so while the waitresses cleared the tables in preparation for coffee and dessert, he went to the bar and picked up a pint for himself and a martini for Carina. When he approached her, she looked up, surprised.

"Hi," she said, accepting the drink he offered her and then putting her hand on his arm. "Everyone, this is Commander Venture of the Star Force." She stood as the women in the band greeted him, smirking and nudging each other. Mark, not sure how to deal with this sea of females who were apparently sizing him up, hesitated awkwardly until Carina prompted him, "Did you just come by to get me drunk?"

"Actually, I'm here on a mission," he grinned and addressed the table. "Some of the Star Force members are here alone this evening. They thought if I put in a good word with Lieutenant Clark, you might consider dancing with them after dinner."

The musicians told him they would be happy to dance with his friends, and Mark turned to Carina. "Specifically, I was asked to find out whether your drummer would dance with our assistant pilot, Chris Eager."

"Oh! Jenny," she turned to the woman sitting next to her, who stood. "Commander Venture, this is Sergeant Jenny Greenwood. Commander Venture tells me that Ensign Eager would like to meet you tonight. Are you interested? He's the cute little guy with the freckles."

The sergeant looked at the bridge crew's table and smiled. "Really? Sure, I'd love to."

"There you go," Carina turned back to Mark with her most charming smile. "Mission accomplished."

"Only half of it," he grinned with a wink. "You're still sober." He found her blush enchanting and wished he could stay here with her, but in addition to the waitresses now serving coffee and dessert, fourteen women were staring at them. It was time to return to his own table. He put his hand on her back and murmured, "Don't forget, I'm on _your_ dance ticket tonight."

She leaned into him and whispered seductively. "Who else am I going to dance with – General Stone?"

He knew he had a goofy smile on his face when he returned to his friends, but he couldn't help himself. Their good-natured teasing made him feel surer of his position. Whatever happened while he was away, he was determined to make the most of his time with her tonight.

It wasn't until later in the evening when the pop band was playing and Eager started getting antsy that Mark worked up the courage to approach the band again, but his friend gave him a reason to do so. "Anyone else?" he asked as they stood. They were joined by Dash and Homer, along with a number of enlisted men from the other tables.

Having fulfilled his task of introducing Eager to Sgt. Greenwood, Mark offered a hand to Carina. "Lieutenant? May I have the honor?"

"Of course, Commander." She gave him her hand and allowed him to lead her to the dance floor. He slipped an arm around her waist, trying to ignore the way his nerve endings were humming in anticipation of being close to her. She looked a little flustered, too, as she slid her hand up around his neck. He held her at a respectable distance and made awkward small talk as he looked into her eyes and they began to move in tempo with the music.

"It's been a nice evening."

"Yes, it has."

"The food was delicious."

"Uh huh. And the Commander's presentation was really very moving." She broke eye contact with him and her eyes flitted to the medal on his chest. "I know I said it before, but I'm so proud of you, Mark."

"Thanks." He smiled sadly. "I only wish the others could have been here with us."

"You know they're all smiling down on you, cheering you on. Including Trelaina." She looked in his eyes uncertainly as she mentioned Trelaina's name, and his heart melted.

"I know. She'll always be a part of me. All of them will. And the best way we can honor their memory is to work for peace… and to go on living." He tightened his arm around her waist and inched closer, keeping his eyes on her face.

She sounded distracted as she adjusted her hold on him. "I hear the new memorials at Heroes' Hill are beautiful. You should have a good day for your gathering."

He struggled to keep his voice steady. "It sounds like we will. I think it will be a wonderful way to launch our new mission – to say good bye to the old crew and prepare us to welcome the new crew."

"And then you'll say goodbye to Earth again." Her voice was breathy. "Have you met any of your new crew? I haven't heard of them hanging around the hospital."

"Not in person." He was trying to focus, but since he had pulled her closer he caught her scent whenever they moved, and her breasts kept brushing against him. It was becoming difficult for him to play his part. "We have the roster and we've gone over their backgrounds so we know what we're getting," he said hoarsely. "Wildstar and I have organized the first few days' activities, but we'll have to figure it out on a daily basis after that. See how we feel about things." He had danced her to a shadowed corner of the floor where no one would notice them. Stepping back slightly, he raked his eyes over her, taking in as much of her as he could: her eyes, burning with intensity, her red hair curling around her face and shoulders, the creamy white skin of her neck extending down, beginning to swell before being covered by the low-cut fabric of her dress. As his eyes lingered there, watching her chest rise and fall, he saw a blush creep up toward her neck. He could feel his heart pounding. Dragging his eyes back to her face, he edged closer again to slide his hand up her back to her bare skin and drew a ragged breath. "Carina," he whispered, pulling her to him. "You're so beautiful."

"Mark…" She was trembling as she nuzzled his neck, breathing deeply. He ran his fingers up and down her back and rested his chin against her forehead, clasping her hand to his chest, feeling the heat that radiated from her body, mimicking his own body's betrayal of his desires. He wasn't sure how long they stood rocking back and forth in each other's arms, keeping up the pretense of dancing, but finally she choked out, half-laughing and half-crying, "You're leaving in two days."

"I know," he groaned, kissing the side of her head. "I know, love, and I didn't mean to –" he stepped back and took her face in his hands. His voice sounded remarkably calm. "I didn't set out to do this tonight, I promise. But the idea of leaving – Carina, I just –" he wasn't sure what to say.

She stroked his cheek, taking a deep breath. "I know. But you won't be gone forever. You'll be home in a couple of months and we'll see what happens."

He nodded, sighing. "As long as you're here when I get back." It wasn't until he said it that he realized a part of him was afraid that she would disappear as Trelaina had.

She took his hand and smiled at him softly. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

They were interrupted by a fanfare from the band. Mark startled – he had almost forgotten there were other people in the room. It was nearly midnight and the waitresses were passing out champagne. As the countdown began, he led Carina back into the light, where they joined in the toast. "Here's to a happier 2202 for both of us," she said.

As the band played "Auld Lang Syne," they swallowed their champagne. Suddenly he realized there was a lot of kissing going on. Even Eager had his lips on Sgt. Greenwood's. He turned to Carina, who was looking at him oddly. "It's good luck," he murmured. She nodded and stepped toward him. It was hardly more than a peck, lasting less than three seconds, but the kiss set his senses reeling. Her lips were soft and she tasted of champagne and strawberries, and his heart pounded as he pulled her tightly to him for one more embrace, closing his eyes. "Happy New Year," she whispered in his ear.

* * *

The next afternoon she arrived to help him finish packing as the family was leaving, taking home piles of books and other things they had brought to help him pass the time while he was hospitalized. His mother hugged Carina.

"I'm so glad we had the chance to see you today, dear," she said. "We wanted to thank you again for all you've done for Mark. Everyone at the hospital has been wonderful, but I'm especially happy that the two of you have become such good friends."

Carina smiled at her. "I'm happy about that too, ma'am. Mark is a very special man." She looked at him and he felt his cheeks redden. "I'm glad I got to know all of you."

Mark's father stepped forward and shook her hand. "If you need anything at all while the Star Force is away, please don't hesitate to call us."

"Thank you, Mr. Venture, Mrs. Venture. And if you need anyone to watch this guy," – she reached out and rubbed Jordy's hair – "please let me know."

Jordy hugged her around the waist. "When will we see you again?"

"I'm not sure, buddy. Hopefully soon, right? But after Mark comes home, for sure." Jordy straightened to salute her, and after saying goodbye the family left. Mark watched Carina's eyes follow them out. "I might miss Jordy more than I miss you," she said. "You never salute me."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "I do outrank you, you know. Technically you should salute me."

"Maybe in your navy, but not in this man's army," she retorted, kissing his cheek. "By the way, your friend made a very good impression on Jenny Greenwood last night. She talked about him all the way home, and I think they may be going out to dinner tonight."

"Really? Good for Eager. She still likes him, huh? Even though he's leaving in two days?" he teased.

She grinned ruefully at him. "Mark, you understand why I can't – why we can't – right now, don't you?" She looked down, embarrassed. "There's too much at stake."

He took her hand and spoke gently. "I know. I do understand, and I'm glad one of us is able to keep her head. But Carina, promise me… If I come back and you don't want to… to be with me, promise me that we'll still be friends."

She looked at him, surprised. "Of course we will. Don't be ridiculous." She hesitated for a moment, then covered his hand with hers. "I guess I'd like you to make me the same promise, Mark, but I'd like you to promise me something else as well. You know about my… situation, with having children. I'm worried that if we rush into something, somewhere down the line you'll realize that you made a mistake. Promise me you'll give it some real thought – don't just get caught up in the moment when you get back. I don't think I could live with it." By the time she finished, she was speaking very softly.

He opened his mouth to protest, but he knew she was right. "I promise. On both counts." Reaching out to tuck a stray hair behind her ear, he smiled at her. "How did you get so smart? You think of everything."

"I've told you, I'm an analyst. I lie awake at night thinking of ways to complicate my life. It's just what I do." She looked at him for a long moment, then squeezed his hand and changed the subject. "Now let's figure out what to do with all your stuff."

He wouldn't have thought he'd collected so much in a month, but it had certainly built up. His mother had brought him the suitcase he'd bring aboard the Argo, and he loaded it with his socks, underwear and pajamas. He would pick up his navigator's uniforms tomorrow after the gathering at Heroes' Hill.

Mom had also left a spare key to his apartment in the EDF barracks. Carina agreed to return his spare dress uniform and shoes there, along with a blanket his parents had brought him to make him feel more at home. The photos on the desk would come with him into space; the knick-knacks would stay on Earth.

"Do you want me to take these plants home while you're away? Or I can take them to your place, but then I'd have to go in all the time to water them. I don't know if you want me poking around your quarters every other day."

"I wouldn't think twice about it – I really don't have much there. But why don't you take them, if you don't mind? It will be less of a bother for you."

"Sure." By now it was past suppertime, and she left to drop off a load at his apartment and pick up some food. _One last time_, he realized with a hint of sadness. He wasn't sorry to be leaving the hospital, but his nights were going to be lonely. He hoped that working with the trainees would keep him busy enough that he wouldn't notice her absence, and as Wildstar's official second-in-command for the mission, there would be plenty of discussions and planning sessions to keep him occupied. Still, it was going to be a long six weeks.

By the time she returned he was tired and hungry. She set two places at his desk and they sat side-by-side in silence, the less-than-healthy sandwiches she bought her concession to his imminent release from the hospital. He leaned back when he finished and put his hand on her back. "That was delicious. Thank you."

"Wait, there's more," she said. She reached down and picked up a freezer bag. "To bring us full circle." She pulled two dishes from the bag and waggled them in front of him. "Yum, yum."

"Delicious ice cream?" He grinned, taking the bowl she offered. She was amazing. "Did Sandor make you bring this to me again?"

She nodded. "I didn't really want to, but he's been paying me to be your friend and he offered me a bonus."

"Well, it's my gain," he said as he settled back with his dish. She grinned at him, giving him that now-familiar warm feeling, and he patted her hand. "I'm lucky Sandor was able to convince you that I'm not always as rude as I was that first night."

"Mmm-hmm. Everyone kept telling me what a wonderful guy you were. I wasn't so sure at first, but I guess you're all right."

He leaned over and bumped her with his arm, making her smile. "I'm glad I meet with your approval."

She watched him speculatively as they ate, and when he finished she took his dish with a sigh. "I'm going to miss you so much, Mark."

His heart swelled when he noticed tears in her eyes. Although he knew he shouldn't, he slid his hand under her hair, rubbing the back of her head and her neck, and moved his chair against hers. There was so much he wanted to tell her, but what he said was, "I'll miss you, too, love."

She leaned into his hand and rested her arm on his leg. "How is it possible that a month ago we had never met?"

"I don't think it is possible. Haven't I known you forever?" She sank against his side, her body warming him and the scent of her hair and skin surrounding him. Her fingers were idly tracing circles on his leg, and he wondered whether she could hear his heart pounding through his chest.

They sat in silence. He didn't want to let her go, but as the night stretched on he knew he would have to. "I have to put on a good show for the press tomorrow. You'd better go soon." His voice was little more than a whisper.

"I know. You're right," she responded reluctantly. Slowly she began to pull away from him.

"You're welcome to join me and the family for breakfast tomorrow," he began, but she shook her head.

"No, you should spend time with them. You don't need me to intrude." She was standing, and he did the same.

"It wouldn't be an intrusion. My family loves you."

"Thanks, but I really should get some things done. And I'd rather not get caught in the hubbub, to be honest." That was understandable – the press would be everywhere tomorrow. He nodded and she put her hand on his cheek. "I guess this is it."

"Yeah." He wasn't sure what to say. After looking at her for a few moments, he pulled her into his arms, closing his eyes to set the moment in his memory: the warmth of her body pressed against his, the softness of her hair against his face, the heady way her scent made him feel. When he knew it was time to let go, he took one last deep breath and ran his hands over her back, tears stinging his eyes. "I'll see you soon," he said lamely, feeling a shiver pass through her as he whispered into her ear. "I'll call you if I have the chance, OK?"

"I'd like that. If you have the chance. Otherwise I'll see you when you get back." She stepped back to look at him, and he saw tears in her eyes as well. "Be careful, sweetie. Try to avoid exploding gun turrets this time."

He smiled. "I'll do my best. You be well, too, love. Take care of yourself"

She nodded, pulling him close one more time. "I love you, Commander," she whispered, kissing him on the cheek.

"I love you too, Lieutenant. And I'll be back soon. I promise." He kissed her forehead and let her go. She gathered her things and his plants and left, looking back once more as she exited the room.

Mark stood in place for several minutes after she left, thinking. He felt her absence already but knew that focusing on the new mission would help to fill that hole. She was right that the hospital was an artificial place for a relationship to develop – it would probably be good for both of them to be apart for a while. He needed to work his feelings out within his normal routine and not in this vacuum. Work would make him feel better.

He sighed as he dressed for bed. Knowing he wouldn't be able to sleep, he pulled out the roster of cadets who were being assigned to the Argo and studied their backgrounds to calm his mind. It worked like a sleeping pill and he soon found himself dozing off. When he slept, he dreamed of Trelaina. She was standing on Earth, in a broad open field. He approached her guiltily.

"_Trelaina… I still love you. You know that, right?"_

"_I know, my love. But that does not mean you should be alone. I want you to be happy."_

"_I'm sorry. I feel like it's too soon. But I haven't forgotten you. I never will."_

"_And I will always be a part of you, my darling. Our love for each other will enrich the love you have to offer now. Please know that this is what I wish for you."_ She turned him around and pointed across the field to where Carina was standing with a young man, who was in turn directing her toward Mark. As Trelaina kissed him and pushed him gently toward Carina, he woke up. His eyes stung with tears, but his mind was calm. He knew it was time to let her go.

At the memorial service at Heroes' Hill, they honored their dead. Wildstar led a tribute to their fallen comrades, followed by a moment of silent prayer. Mark closed his eyes, thinking of Orion, Knox, Conroy and Hardy, and finally of Trelaina. He had been unconscious, of course, but he had a clear image in his mind of her floating away from the Argo toward Zordar's dreadnought, transforming herself into a ball of energy to bring peace to the galaxy. It hurt him to think about it, but he accepted that she was gone, and that it had been for the greater good. When Wildstar declared the prayer over, he looked sadly to the heavens, sending up a final message.

_Goodbye, Trelaina._


End file.
